Page 50 of Loving Trent
Just as quickly as he dropped to his knees, he’s standing in front of me, pulling my tank off. I allow him, but I close my eyes. I'm letting the mask down. I'm finally showing someone the real me. The side that I've been hiding since I woke up in that hospital room. I might have been able to talk to Maria about it and share my story more with others, but they don't know that inside I'm still that fucking broken thirteen-year-old.
"Are all of these from…"
Taking one of Shawn’s hands, I trace over the ones I gave myself. "All but these. I couldn't take it anymore, and I tried to take my own life. I busted a mirror and?—“
A hand comes over my mouth, and my eyes pop open. Tears are racing down Shawn's face. A face that is much closer to mine than I assumed he would be. "I don't want to hear about you trying to take your life. Not my angel."
I don't try to say anything as he removes his hand and pulls me toward the bed. He spins us around and pushes me, so I fall back onto the bed. "Shawn?—”
My words are stolen as he starts to undress. Last night, he slept in pants and a shirt, so I couldn't see his glorious body. I might have stalked him, but I drew the line at watching him get dressed or while he was in the shower. I couldn't bring myself to do that to him. There was no way I was taking that without his consent. It's clear that Shawn works out and that he isn't one of those men who worry about body hair. I want to lick the hair on his chest and follow it to where it disappears into his boxers.
Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to a lover. Who fucking knew I would get turned on by body hair? Not me, but oh well. I reach toward his dick, but he bats my hand away.
"While I would love to continue what we started, that's not going to happen. While we were outside, I was thinking about how much I loved you taking control and how I felt safe with you. Safe enough to be a mess, and don't get me wrong, I reallyfucking love it. However, tonight, I'm going to be in control. Scoot back."
I don't hesitate for one second. I scoot my ass back, but never remove my eyes from Shawn. He crawls onto the bed, pulls the cover back, and lies down. "Last night, you held me while I broke down and told you all my fears. Tonight, I'm going to hold you while you tell me all your fears. No hiding anything from me, Trent."
He raises his arm, and I move like my ass is on fire. I get under the cover and lay my whole body over his. Shawn’s body heat seeps into my soul, chasing away the cold that always comes when I think about my scars. "Tell me if I’m?—”
Shawn's hand comes down on my ass hard. The smack echoes in the quiet surrounding us. "I will never once complain about your weight pressing me down." He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tighter. I rub my cheek against his chest, and the beast inside settles. For fucks sake, it sounds like it's purring like a cat.
"I don't think this is normal," I say. My lips brush his skin, and a tingle shoots down my spine. I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep like this because my erection is not going anywhere.
"What's not normal?" Shawn starts running his fingers through my hair, and my muscles relax.
"Both of us, switching from being dominant or controlling to being submissive." The more he strokes my hair, the worse my thinking becomes. No one has ever done this for me. But I've never allowed myself to be this vulnerable with anyone.
"Even a dominant person needs someone to be there for them. They can't always be in control. It's not healthy. We have to allow ourselves the grace of not being okay for a short time. Stop me when I say something wrong, but from the moment you were sent away, you have been in survival mode. Once you left, you turned that survival mode into control mode. You controleverything from something as little as your emotions to big things."
I nod, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Someone is seeing the real me for the first time in my life. "You fear losing control because you have been judged and treated horribly. But Trent," Shawn tilts my head so my chin rests on his chest. "Nothing you show me, tell me, or allow me to see will make me think less of you. Right here, in my arms, is your safe place. You can let down your walls, and I won't judge you, and I damn sure won't run away. I want it all. I want your demons, sadness, happiness, and fears."
Fuck! My eyes don't even have time to sting because the tears are here and flowing down my face. I push up and gently press my lips against his, trying to tell him everything I can't find the words for. He kisses me back, but neither of us moves to deepen it. For the next hour, I showed him every scar on my body and told him the story behind each one. He kisses each one and whispers how strong I am and how he is going to kill everyone who hurt me.
Before falling asleep on Shawn's chest, I set the alarm for six, so I had enough time to make everyone breakfast before we took Harley to school. But my alarm isn't what wakes me up. What wakes me up would be Shawn rubbing his ass against my very interested dick. He must have been doing it for a good while because I'm fucking aching. My balls are heavy, and I need some relief. Leaning down, I nuzzle Shawn's neck and start placing little kisses until my lips rest against his ear.
"Baby boy, if you keep grinding that ass against me, I'm not going to be held responsible for what I do to you."
Shawn moans and pushes back against me once more. "Maybe that's what I want."
"You want me to lose my control?" I bite his ear, which earns me a deep moan, and his ass presses hard against me.
"Please. I had the dirtiest dream about you and?—”
Hearing how he dreamt about me snaps what little control I have. I flip him over onto his back and push his thighs open until I'm resting right where I need to be. His deep green eyes are even darker and hooded with lust. Last night, we were honest with each other. I don't want to ruin that, so I show him another fear that I have. "Baby boy, I don't know?—“
Shawn pushes up and captures my mouth, he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and bites it. My hips jerk forward, and my dick rubs against his. Intense pleasure soars through me as my crown catches against his, and I moan into his mouth. He breaks our kiss and says, "Take your boxers off."
"Do it for me," I demand. He wants me in control, and I can do that for him even though I don't know what to do to make this mind-blowing for him. His pupils expand as his hands go to my waist, and he pushes the black material down. It is a joint effort, but soon, I kick my boxers away. Leaning back, I tap his hip, and he raises them. I slowly pull his blue boxers, which have a wet spot, down his legs and throw them behind me.
"Damn, Baby boy." After leaving camp, I never could bring myself to watch porn, so the only dick I've seen in the last ten years has been my own, and he isn't anything to bat an eye at. But Shawn's… Damn, can a dick be beautiful? It’s long and thick, and the head is red and wet with pre-cum. A vein runs on the underside that I want to lick. I can't pull my eyes off it, and as if it can sense me staring, it twitches.
"Trent, please," Shawn moans, and I stop staring at his dick and look at him. "Come here, I need to touch you."
I move back in between his thighs and almost come when our dicks slide against each other with nothing between us. "Fuck."
"I know," Shawn says, wrapping his arms and legs around me. He attacks my neck and thrusts up against me.
My knees weaken, and my balls draw up tight. "Baby Boy, if you keep that up, I'm going to make a fool of myself." I grind my teeth together and tell myself I won't come without touching him.
