I told her, “You may not allow your children to suffer long…minus one…which makes NO sense given whose daughter she is…. but you’ve never done anything for the rest of us. Your reaction earlier told me I have a Guardian Angel.”
I needed to put myself under Lucifer’s and the Fallen’s protection alone. I knew how to do that but….He was friends with King Bjourn…and I didn’t want to put him in a spot. I was honestly stunned that the Conners hadn’t rejected all but the Fallen’s help. Even the Cambridges hadn’t uttered the words even though they only worked with the Fallen.
Charmeine shook her head, “We have rules.” I snorted, “Screw your rules. I save people regardless of whether they are Wolves, Shifters, Demons, Vampires, Hood, human… the list goes on. You should’ve chucked the rules out and done what was right. That’s what the Resistance does. We don’t discriminate or say it’s too hard. That’s what ALL of you should do.”
She sighed, “Yet you don’t hold Aesir to the same standard.” I laughed, “Aesir is a god not a goddess. Goddesses act like they are so much better than gods because they are a ‘mother’ to their children. That’s why you get a different measurement. You are all the worst mother’s I’ve ever met. You allow the suffering of your children at the hands of a sick few that you protect.”
“Do you think... or do any of the other goddesses think when this comes to light… they will have a single child of theirs in their corner? No. They won’t. The Conners will turn their backs on Selene... maybe even on Azoney. They will turn to Aesir instead. The god who actually polices his children. Who does not allow the wicked to prevail or prosper while hiding the bad from his children. He’s not perfect… but he doesn’t claim to be either….you do.”
“Goddesses claim that while hiding their bad children AND allowing them to prosper. Can you not see how complacent and selfish you all are? To allow the suffering of the innocents? You allow women to be treated like something to barter and sell. You sit back and watch men be forced to mark a sobbing girl and take them as their chosen mate….”
I trailed off adding, “I guess that’s not entirely fair. Of course they do have a choice. They can watch every member of their family die until they do mark the girl… or everyone dies, including the girl and themselves. Which is always a good choice. You all are jokes.”
Charmeine nodded, “I thought you could feel that way. It’s why I told Selene I was a better choice to come. I fear this is not even a fraction of your anger for her.” I snorted, “Lady, you haven’t touched my anger.” She paused, then said, “As I suspected. I am truly sorry for what you have been through. Nothing will make it better. Even the truth.”
I questioned, “What truth? I know what happened to me.” Ajax and Apollo whined. I glared at Charmeine, “You need to go because you’re upsetting them….and I’m going to need you not to do that. We are having somewhat of a family reunion… you’re kind of intent on ruining it.”
She smiled, “You are still protective of your brother’s wolves.” I told her, “They are a part of my brothers… well Apollo was. I keep looking for him since I know he’ll come back. Ajax is still a part of my brother.” Charmeine studied me, “You love them.” Huh? She clarified, “Your brothers.”
I threw my hands in the air shouting, “Of course I do! They are my brothers….T may be dead but I will never not love him. Jason may be cruel and mean to me now…but he IS my brother. I will stand between him and any danger…no matter what it is.”
Charmaine sighed, “You will be angry.” I groaned, “If you aren’t going to tell me why, then leave… because I’ll let you in on a little secret….I AM ALWAYS ANGRY! I keep a lid on that rage I feel just beneath the surface…at all times…so saying I’ll be angry isn’t new. What the new reason I’ll be angry?” Apollo and Ajax whined again.
Charmeine said, “I cannot go just yet, and I cannot answer that question exactly. I can tell you to turn your mate when you feel that your anger becomes overwhelming and that lid unlocks on your rage.” I scoffed, “I haven’t gotten that angry yet.”
I added, “I’m not sure I will….since…I’m pretty good at containing the rage I feel. Trust me, I’ve waded through the muck and mire of all the goddess’s inadequacy enough to be plenty angry too. I’m fine. Well… fine is a relative term… and subjective… but still.” Apollo huffed at me. I asked, “What? It’s not entirely a lie.” Ajax gave me a look.
Charmeine warned, “A time is coming.” I nodded, “Right. A time… a time of what?” She answered, “The truth.” I yelled, “The truth about what?!” Charmeine said, “Everything.” I nodded, “Sure. That clears it up. I’ll ask again, can you go? You’re still ruining the fictitious magical forest/meadow of the white wolf. I’m trying to have a family bonding moment.”
She laughed, “I’m upsetting you.” I snorted, “Oh you’ve finally caught onto that, did you? I’ve only asked you to leave a few times…. so… that took you long enough. Not angry enough to only have Xander keep my anger at bay, but hey. You know… I’ve never been that angry.”
Charmeine nodded, “Right. But a time…” I cut her off, “Is coming. Got it. You’re like a broken record….and I’m a literal genius. I could repeat this conversation back to you word for word. Do you have any new information to spit out before you stop infringing on my super awesome fun place where magical things happen? I mean seriously! My subconscious is giving me a gift… and you’re intent on corrupting it …. on so many levels.”
I sniffled, “I haven’t seen Ajax or Apollo in almost seven years. Can’t you all just let me be happy? Why do you goddesses have to ruin everything for me?” Charmeine frowned, “I’m not trying to ruin everything. Wouldn’t Selene coming be worse?”
I laughed, “On a level you cannot imagine Charmeine. She can’t fly away from me though. I’d have kicked her butt out of here by now….THAT would be the moment you need Xander to contain my rage. Maybe mention that to her.”
She laughed, “I think that you could actually her.” I told her, “I KNOW I can. I’m far angrier with her than anyone else I know.” Charmeine sighed, “I’m the one who told you that Tristan cannot come here yet.”
I questioned, “Why not? Apollo is here! I miss T….and I miss my parents! Why can’t they come here? Selene could give that to me! I deserve to see them.” Charmeine agreed, “You do. It’s just not time for that.”
I nodded, “Sure... do I have to wait for how many years exactly to see them? Almost seven is not good enough? What’s the stepping stone here in this magical fictional place?” Charmeine answered, “You will see them all soon.”
I raised an eyebrow clarifying, “I get to come back here again?” Charmeine thought about it then answered, “You will be here often. You can be brought or you can simply have the desire to come here. Then you simply will be here.”
My jaw dropped, “I can be brought here? To my subconscious? That’s what you’re saying.” Charmeine nodded to the white wolf explaining, “She brought you here.” I sighed, “So a made up legend brought me to my subconscious... cool. That’s not weird …. at all.”
Charmeine laughed, “You will understand one day.” I hummed, “Ok… when is soon? You said I could see T, mom, and dad. When?” Charmeine coyly replied, “Not just them.” I sighed, “Look lady, I don’t have any other dead family members….Well, my Aunt by marriage did die…” I winced because I still felt guilty she’d died.
I waved, “I just want to see my family. Will you answer ONE of my dang questions?! You said you were here to answer my questions…. not so far you haven’t!” She thought about it, “You will see Jason not long after you leave Alexander. He will not see you though.” My heart stopped for a full second.
She continued, “You will see the others within a few days of that.” I glared at her demanding to know, “Is that your way of telling me I’m going to die? I will be SO PISSED if I die now…I’ve been courting death FOR YEARS…so of course I’m going to get taken out…when I’m happy. UGH!. It BETTER be a good way to go out too.” Apollo and Ajax snarled.
Charmeine laughed, “No my dear, you have things to do. Aesir would blow a gasket if you died and Alexander would be distraught.” I snorted, “At least one of you cares.” Charmeine smiled assuring me, “Many of us care about you.” I laughed, “Well, you could’ve fooled me.”
She frowned, reasoning, “Evil forces were at work.” I nodded, “Right and you are what again? Oh yeah…you’re supposed to be the balance. You do know when something is so weighted to the scales of evil… it is ACTUALLY your job to do something about it? Good LORD the amount of people who cannot remember what their purpose and what their job is astounds me.”
I pointed at myself, “I remember though, and I know my job. I stand for the people you have forgotten. The people you hide from your other children. You hide the actions of those evil ones from the Conners and their allies. Don’t think for even a second they will forgive you all for this once they find out.”
