When it came down to it… Xander was the one who brought them to me. My family and pack still have had no clue I wasn’t in New York if Xander and I hadn’t met after the concert. I’d still be living that life. I’d still be in Black Path… close to death honestly, since I’d saved Angela. Though, logically that would’ve brought the Conners there. So maybe they all would’ve come anyway.
I shook myself and called Addison. My friend answered, “Hey, Mel.” I sighed, “I suck. I have no idea how the plans for your mating ceremony are going. I’m so sorry.” Addison laughed, “I’ve actually had a lot of fun planning with my mom and yours. Everly and I were the boots on the ground, and your mom and mine were conferenced in.”
I asked, “Is your mom coming?” Addison giggled, “She should be getting here anytime now.” Xander popped in and kissed me then left. I asked Addison, “So, what’s the dress code?” Addison replied, “You’ll be standing up there with me. Si should have your dresses by now because I sent them over. Your brother has asked me a million times if you’re really coming.”
I stated emphatically, “I’m coming.” Addison replied, “I know that. There are quite a few people chomping at the bit to talk to you.” I squeaked, “Uhh what? Why?” She snorted, “Because they missed you.” Addison paused then added, “You know it’s ok if you can’t stay the whole time. I understand.” I gritted my teeth, “I’ll be there, Ads.”
We promised each other we’d be there for the big moments. All my friends had to be put under an Alpha command to leave on my sixteenth birthday to force them leave me. Addison spoke softly, “You know, the world just doesn’t deserve you. I know this will be hard for you though. You’ve never actually been here since….”
I interrupted, “I know… the night I was ferreted away like a thief in the night…..but I’ve been on the border… I’ve never crossed into the territory which is just all levels of ironic since… I always got blamed for crossing the border.”
“This time I’ve been on the other dang side of the border not crossing back into Red Run…. which… I always could’ve crossed without being thrown in the dungeons and killed… how different can actually crossing the border be than being on the other side?”
Addison snickered, “It’s not too different. It’s nice here.” I forced words out of my mouth, “I know it is.” We talked a little bit longer about all her plans for the day. It hit me suddenly how tired I was, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
Freya snorted, “You didn’t sleep yesterday, my little wonderful weirdo.” I snorted. Unlike when other people said it… she meant it lovingly. I accepted long ago that I was weird. It was true. Luna Chelsea told me that everyone was weird in their own way when people called me weird. I missed her and how we used to be.
Actually, Elena had said similar things to me. I was glad she was coming to Addison’s ceremony. I’m glad she accepted Jason since she’d been so angry with him over lies. I fell asleep, those thoughts were chased away. My eyes opened to a battle.
I saw the same thing again…. my mom was about to be murdered. I looked around, but I couldn’t see any definitive markers in the area. It was like they were blurred so I couldn’t recognize it which was annoying.
Where was this? Where was I? The snarl of anger I’d heard stopped everyone again and I was pulled out. I landed with a splash into a pond. I swam to the surface and sighed when I saw the white wolf waiting for me. I swam to the edge.
I told the wolf, “Not that I’m not happy to see you but I’m having this recurring nightmare that my mom is about die. Then I never get to see how it ends… or who is snarling in anger… or why NO one is shifting or using their powers. My mate isn’t using his which doesn’t make sense. That wouldn’t happen.”
I paused then said, “Well, I mean I’d bet a spell could do that… but he’d have to ingest something… then I’d have to kill someone. My wolf would be upset that her mate was having to recover... because it would have to be wolfsbane and silver probably to make Oden that weak.” I stopped because the white wolf snarled.
I laughed, “Yeah, my wolf would feel the same way about it. You sound like her, but in a way a lot of wolves sound alike. Plus, my subconscious made you and this place up so… logically, it makes sense that you sound like her. She’s in my head.” I could swear the white wolf laughed.
I sighed, “I hope Freya gets to run free soon. I’m worried my shift is going to be really painful. I remember the first time now. I know it’s not supposed to be constant pain for five hours… but I remember my bones breaking and repairing as they chanted the spell. Over and over… It was torture. Then I woke up without Freya.” I wiped away tears.
I sighed, “Gosh, I’m crying a lot lately. I’m not usually such a crier. It’s just been really hard. Then there’s the whole family component going on. I honestly don’t know which way is up anymore. I can barely look at my grandparents…well the ones who have bothered to be around. The other two clearly don’t like me nor did they miss me…since my mom’s parents still haven’t come to see me.”
I admitted, “It’s easier with mom, dad, and Tristan… I thought they were dead. Jason and Everly… well the fake version of them were really mean. It’s all just a mess. I’m normally much better at figuring things out. Like a lot better.”
“Not with people though… people have never really been my strong suit. Most people think I’m odd… a beautiful dancer, but odd. Or they hate me. There’s not exactly and in between there either. My friends say I’m wrong… but I’m not.” The white wolf huffed and sat down beside me.
I started to pet her back. I told her, “You have beautiful fur. It’s like snow. White and glistening… almost shimmering…. Anyway, I just don’t understand why everything has to be so messed up for me. I’m finally with my Xander, who does want me, and he can’t mark me.”
“I haven’t marked him… my wolf has a point about that though. What if I had to re-mark him after I got my wolf? At the same time, what if it did work? Then I could at least see what Freya looks like…. And I would really like that.”
The white wolf tilted her head at me. I sighed, “I know… she’s probably a brown wolf. I know that because most Beta’s are. I just want to see her. Living without a wolf for four years has been horrible. She was a huge piece of me missing and I spiraled.”
“Not just because of the whole your dad isn’t your dad bull crap. That was a huge piece of it… but it was also because I was literally missing half of myself. I just… it’s not fair. I know life isn’t fair, but why is mine so beyond unfair? I know people have it worse…. I really do. I can’t even show my mate my back. I don’t know what to do about that.”
I looked away and wiped my tears. All the words on my back would infuriate Xander. The last one across my lower back above my butt would make him the angriest though… I was fairly certain, based on my research another male’s name on an Alpha’s mate would infuriate them. Especially since it wasn’t my choice.
I sighed, “It’s even got a magical component to it. I mean... well, no the scars are really there… there’s just magic so that no whip marks or anything I did couldn’t alter the words. I’m pretty sure Edward and Jean can’t see them… maybe…. maybe Xander couldn’t either. Maybe it’s Alpha’s.”
“My dad’s not an Alpha. Neither is my family. Obviously, Jean is a Beta…..but this was about hurting my dad. He can’t ever see my back. None of them can. I just don’t know how to keep up a lifetime of that never happening. Freya and I will be around for centuries. Do you have any ideas?”
The white wolf moved closer and put her face in my lap. I sighed, “I suppose Paige could remove the magic. No... I know she could. I wonder if the rings stopped me from asking her. Paige will probably be pissed I never told her there was a magical component. It’s not like magic did this to me though.”
“That was Trevor’s knife… then some metal letters he made and branded me with because the knife carvings on my back were too sloppy for his liking. I hate him so much. I really want him dead… probably an unhealthy amount… but I do.”
I shook myself off the memories of that night and Trevor. I sighed, “Alpha Peter would never have let that happen in Red Run. The kick in the teeth is that’s where I was supposed to be. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?”
I grumbled, “Because of some stupid vendetta over a guy who was doing bad things and deserved to die? I don’t even blame my dad for that… but he will blame himself. If I tell them about Alpha Ezra’s involvement… that I know him. That he was always around threatening to take me to his pack… my dad will never forgive himself.”
