She chuckled, “Agreed.” I shouted, “Dear GOD, I'm talking about his abs. Help me stop talking. Why do I have no filter?” She hummed, “Mate loves it.” So, she was not going to help me. That was the clear take away.
After eating our food, we were about to get it on when several people knocked on the door. Seriously? I can’t mark my mate and now… this. What does a girl have to do to enjoy time with her mate? Freya advised, “Put a sock on the door.” I nearly laughed out loud… but I might try it.
Freya asked, “Really?” I replied, “It couldn’t hurt.” She chuckled as all of Xander’s siblings, and their mates filed inside. Wow… does this happen often? Good thing this room is like six rooms together or it would be crowded. I blushed when they asked who cooked breakfast. Angela winked at me. Several jaws dropped when Xander told them it was me.
I tried to get them off of staring at me by asking Elise to help me figure out what to wear to the party. Freya said, “Rhea is so happy.” Good. I wanted to make a good impression. Elise was really good at that.
I asked Freya, “Wait, Zoe was serious about wanting to learn my cooking techniques? I thought she was just being nice. No one wants to learn things from me that aren’t fighting… or dancing. But the dancing hadn’t happened in a REALLY long time. Caine asked a girl to a school dance, and I taught him though.”
She replied, “I have your memories, so I do know that, and she is quite serious.” Huh. Weird. Zoe told everyone I’d even made the pack food. Xander just didn’t understand how nervous I was. Preston yelled out they needed a party every week. Oh my god. Please, no.
Their comments all gave me hope that maybe I could fit in with more than Elise here. Well, I already knew Micah and I got along. Mason and Hendrick would give cooking lessons around here too. They loved doing that. EJ took Xander and all the guys left.
Elise jumped on the bed squealing, “Finally! Alone at last.” I looked over to see Buttercup was shutting the door. I told Elise, “She could’ve stayed.” Elise laughed, “She actually works with the pups right now or she would’ve.” I knew what they all did for work, but I nodded anyway.
Freya snorted, “Saying I know would’ve been funny.” Maybe. Elise continued, “She always takes two hours to play with the pups in the daycare.” I hummed, “That’s nice. Do you know about some shops around here? I want to get appointments for Addison to try on dresses for her mating ceremony.”
Elise choked, “I mean of course I do. When are you going?” I answered, “We are going Tuesday. They are having their ceremony next weekend.” Elise nodded, “I’ll make the appointments for you guys. On a completely different note, why didn’t I hear about a certain boy strung up by his toes, bleeding from all orifice’s dead as a doornail?” I snorted, “I assume you mean Trevor.” Freya snarled.
Elise nodded. I shrugged saying, “You’d have to ask Cayden what he did to him to get that answer.” Elise snorted, “I want to know what YOU did to him.” I chuckled, “I’ve kicked his butt more times than I can count.”
Elise asked, “Why didn’t you kill him?” I told her, “Because they would’ve killed Sierra, Avery, Paige, and Addison. Probably Mason and Hendrick too.” Or tried. They threatened it a lot. Freya snorted, “You are so evasive.” I replied, “Well… lying doesn’t working for me. I needed something.” She chuckled.
Elise replied, “Cayden said Trevor tried to mark you.” I admitted, “I honestly don’t remember that. It’s… just flashes. I know there was a fight and a car accident, but I don't….” I tried to grasp those memories, but it felt like they were flung away from me. I grabbed my head.
Elise whispered, “Mel?” I sighed, “I try to remember, I do... I just can’t.” Elise asked, “Why are you mad at everyone but me?” I explained, “I explained that. You didn’t live in Red Run anymore. You’d just taken over being the Luna of this pack.”
“It’s the largest pack in the country and the most powerful. It’s logical that you were busy. You even reached out to me as Ashley, the second you heard my name… you reached out….but they never did. Not a single one of them. I picked the name because I just KNEW Jason would know it was me.”
Elise said, “Maybe, but you shouldn’t have been wolf less.” I muttered, “I thought they knew that though.” Elise sighed, “They didn’t. They got pictures of your wolf.” I snorted, “No one has pictures of my wolf.” Elise winced, “They will. You’ll shift Mel.”
I agreed, “My wolf says the same.” I believed I would shift because I had faith in Freya. Elise smiled, “See? And we can all be there.” I shrugged, “Maybe.” Someone knocked on the door then charged in. I laughed, “Si, meet Elise. Elise, this is Sierra.”
Sierra smiled greeting, “Luna Elise.” Elise laughed, “It’s just Elise to you. You are a Beta Female here. Let’s get Melanie an outfit.” We walked into the closet. I started crying seeing the sheer volume of clothes. Xander had snapped a lot of very nice things for me.
Elise rubbed my back comfortingly saying, “I’d get used to it if I were you. The Conners boys are like this.” She paused then squealed, “OH MY GOD, IT’S PERFECT!” I looked over and paled. It was the dress I’d wanted to wear to meet Xander in for her ceremony.
It was black with red cherries on it. It had a low back and a sweetheart neckline. It was perfect for a girl who no longer existed. She’d died the night I wanted to wear that. Tears filled my eyes as I ran into the bathroom.
I quickly locked the door and sobbed for the girl I used to be because the woman I became could never wear that dress. They’d all see my back. I heard a pop and was startled because it wasn’t Xander’s scent I smelled.
I looked up to see Haley, Micah and Max in the bathroom with me now. I wiped my tears, but I couldn’t stop crying. Haley declared, “I’ve got this. You guys leave.” Max argued, “Mom maybe….” Haley snorted interrupting him, “I have fucking got this, Max. I’ll link Alexander if we need him.” They popped away and Haley sat down.
She explained, “Elise was worried and didn’t know if you’d need Micah because he knows you. I think this is a past events that never came to be problem though.” I hiccupped, “You’re smart.” Haley smiled sadly, “I’ve been where you are. Elise said that dress was one you wanted to wear to her ceremony that night. She’s really fucking sorry she picked it.”
I shook myself, “I don’t want that. She shouldn’t feel bad, I just…. the girl that wanted to wear that dress is gone.” Haley shook her head disagreeing, “No, she’s not gone. She took some hard fucking hits in life. She probably earned a few scars along the way.” More than she knew.
Haley continued, “She even put up some walls around herself to protect her heart, but that girl is still you. We learn things in life, and we fucking change. That’s life but we will always be who we are. Adapting doesn’t mean any less of you. Others might have tried to beat that girl down and break her, but she just became a fucking badass instead.”
I wiped my tears saying, “You have a way with words.” Haley smiled softly, “I have experience. I was literally broken when my brother, Marcus, found me. Just because we can’t see the scars doesn’t mean they aren’t there.”
“Being home doesn’t make the past go away. I really wish it fucking did. I still deal with the pain of my past. I have healed and moved the fuck forward; however, my past is still there. I just don’t fight it anymore. Sometimes, I have myself a good cry, talk to Eric, have myself a drink, and on occasion fuck his brains out after.” I choked on my own spit while she laughed.
I told her, “I don’t want my past to touch Xander.” Haley acknowledged, “I understand that notion. Here’s my advice, you tell what you’re ready to share when you’re fucking ready. My warning is your past doesn’t always stay where you want it.”
She sighed, “Especially when there are people in that past that can fucking show up like the motherfucking assholes they are. We can’t always protect people from our past, and some fucking times they need to protect us from our past.”
“Not because we aren’t bad asses that can handle shit ourselves, but because there will always be times your friends, your mate, your family are your strength. It’s ok if you don’t kill all the damn bastards yourself. It’s also ok if you do.”
