Xander never saw me dance before I left. EJ had, but he wasn’t here to point out I am me. Xander might have heard people talk about how I dance, but that’s different from seeing it yourself. I didn’t want to think about this anymore. I just wanted to feel. He loved me, and I loved him. Maybe that would be enough.
If not, I was going to replay these memories in my mind for the rest of my life to get me through the loneliness of my existence. I initiated sex this time. I could see the lust in his eyes as he stared at my chest.
Freya whimpered, “I want him to suck on our nipples.” I mean…logically they were mine…so. She replied, “You are me. I feel what you do.” I told her, “You figure out how to make that happen without him seeing the scars on my back… and I’m game.” Freya huffed.
My body knew it belonged to him and obeyed his commands which was crazy, but it happened. It was because he was my Alpha. Pain filled my heart briefly when I thought that. The title of Alpha is something I was always taught that should be taken seriously.
Peter had been my Alpha and like a second dad to me. It had been a long time since I’d claimed an Alpha as my Alpha, who I respected and followed. Peter had always been that until he turned his back on me.
I thought Dalton and Dakota would be that to me, but they didn’t even read my appeal. Cooper wouldn’t even talk to me or reply. I’d even tried reaching out to Sebastian, Christopher, and Dane Kyle but silence was the only reply I got. It hurt a lot. I’d always known if I ever did have someone I would claim as an Alpha again, it would be my Xander.
Xander pulled me from those thoughts when he flipped me onto all fours. He spanked me which stung, but in a nice way. I couldn’t believe I was into spanking. He began to play with the hem of my shirt. I surprised myself by not panicking.
Freya whispered, “Because you trust him. You know he could tear that shirt off you if he wanted. He doesn’t because he respects you. Ohhh you called him YOUR Alpha. Now you’ve done it.” I asked, “Done what? It was a respect thi... OH MY GOD!” I lost myself in the pleasure of it all.
We went for so long my arms were going numb. I didn’t let myself fall until after Xander had come with a roar. My ears were ringing from the sound and pleasure he’d just given me. How was I going to get through without him if he didn’t want me? I didn’t have an answer for that. Freya hummed, “We don’t need one. We will never be without mate.” I liked her confidence.
I was contemplating another round or sleep when my stomach growled. Internally I ranted, “Treacherous organ! You were not on the agenda.” Freya chuckled, “I love you so much. We are going to have such fun together.” Hopefully. We seemed to get along pretty well so far.
The second Xander popped out to get us food, I ran to my bag. I quickly grabbed my shampoo and body wash, then jumped in the shower dealing with the first several moments of cold before it got warm. I’d gotten used to short cold showers when I went to Black Path.
When I lived with my Aunt Stephanie, she said she refused to waste the warmth or the water bill on me. I still didn’t use much hot water. One month “Uncle” Ajax accused me of using hot water when I hadn’t.
My next shower they dumped scalding hot water on me. I had third degree burns, but they’d healed. Luna Elena found out about it and made sure I got proper care. She also tore out a chunk of Aunt Stephanie’s hair which was hysterical. Now, I just stick to lukewarm showers.
I wrapped up my shower, spotted a massive mirror, and turned around. I traced the scars on my back. The proof of those horrible nights and of how Trevor couldn’t, and would never, be my mate. Those nights that turned into weeks where everything changed. Nothing was the same after that.
They were also proof that I was a fighter. I didn't give into the demands to make things easier even when everything, including my core identity, was stripped away from me. I stayed true to myself. They couldn’t break me. I was a survivor and I knew it because they were my trial by fire.
I put Xander’s hoodie on that I found on the floor. His smell enveloped my senses and immediately calmed me down. I was a survivor and an Alpha’s mate. Not just any Alpha... an Alpha Enforcer who just happened to be a member of the Conners family. The cowards of Black Path couldn’t touch me.
Xander came back. I considered that I might have to switch to a sugar cookie body wash to remind me of his scent. His eyes flicked to black when he realized I was in his hoodie. I asked Freya, “Is he mad?” Freya snickered, “No, quite the opposite. He likes seeing you in his clothes.” It turned out she was very right. She told me, “I will often be right.” I could live with that. I was right a lot too.
Xander fried my brain when he undressed to take his own shower. He was built like a god. I desperately wanted to join him, but... maybe after a swim day we could shower together, and I could just keep my swim shirt on. That could work.
I had to distract myself, so I took our food off the tray he’d brought up and put it on the table. When he came out it was all ready. When he joined me, I couldn’t deny I liked this. This bubble of him and me even just eating a meal together. I loved it.
My heart strings pulled tighter when he mentioned Black Mountain. I wanted to go to his home. I wanted somewhere that would be home again. I lived in Black Path... but it was decidedly not my home. I missed Red Run, even though they hated me.
I missed the paths to walk on or dance around the pack... I missed my old room... I missed the pack… Heck, I missed my family. I longed for a place to call home again. A place where people were safe and cared for. A place where they were protected from within and from threats on the outside. A real pack.
Black Path wasn’t even close to being that kind of place right now. When Caine and Dax took over, they would be. Edward didn’t look out for anyone but himself. That wasn't a pack. No one understood that, but I did. Because I came from somewhere that had a real Alpha. Even though that stung because he turned his back on me.
After we finished eating, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I yawned and drifted off to sleep. I felt like I was floating on a river. I heard yips of a wolf. That had me getting up and opening my eyes. I was actually in a creek, but I wasn’t wet. I saw Oden run by me.
I laughed, “Oden, wait!” I took off after him. He was leading me further and further into the forest then he vanished. I yelled, “Oden, where are you?” I didn’t hear anything. I called, “Xander? Are you here?” I felt something behind me and whirled around.
I laughed at what I saw, “The legend of the white wolf is in my dream. I’ve heard stories about you around campfires the pack had. One of the girl’s T age told us all about you.” I reached out and petted her stark, white fur.
I muttered, “My imagination is better than hers because you’re much prettier than she described.” The white wolf’s fur was practically shimmering. I smiled admitting, “I myself finally got a wolf. Well, I guess I had her the whole time. She was hidden from me though.”
“We are getting stronger and getting used to each other. I really like her. I wish I’d had her the whole time. She’ll probably be brown. I hope I get to see her. Your eyes are pretty….and not like other wolves.” The white wolf's eyes were pale green, like mine.
I teased, “We match.” I pointed at our eyes. The wolf nodded to me. I admitted, “There ends our similarities though. I have DARK black hair… you have very beautiful white hair. One day my hair might turn white, but I hope that’s a long LONG time from now.” The wolf snorted.
I sat down and the wolf put its head in my lap, so I began to pet her. I looked around commenting, “My mate's wolf was here.” The white wolf purred. I laughed, “Yes, I know. He’s a beautiful wolf, but he’s mine.” The wolf looked at me as if I was missing something.
I continued to pet her beautiful fur. I told her, “This is a pretty place. In the legend the white wolf has some goddess-like powers. Can you show me any?” The wolf stood and out of nowhere electricity built around the wolf.
