I ordered, “ILYX, scan him.” ILYX told me, “He has time for your punishment if you get him to Xander and his mother after.” I could do that. I bent down and told Jason, “I can’t keep you alive forever like this… but I can in time to get you to those who can.”
I wiped my tears away saying, “If this doesn’t make you love me again… nothing will. Don’t you dare think about going into any lights.” I broke down and cried. I told him, “You hang on, Jase. I love you, big brother. You can’t leave me too. I’d rather have you hating my guts than be dead.” I sobbed with myself as I quickly got him out of sight seconds before Dante arrived.
Next it flashed to the night I’d called Xander. I’d memorized his number the night I’d texted him from Tristan’s phone. I couldn’t stand it. I was on a lot of drugs and traumatized. I’d lost everything. Despite it all his pleas to help me and his voice actually helped me.
He still called and left voicemails on that phone. I should let him go. I was being selfish. Part of me clung to Dax’s words though. Maybe Jason had lied… he was in shock and grieving… maybe he just made it up to hurt me like he was hurting.
Maybe Xander would want me one day. Or he’d be pissed I was emailing him as Ashley. I really didn’t know. I just couldn’t help it. He was perfect. Talking to him and Elise…. It was my lifeline. I knew I didn’t deserve it, but I couldn’t stop. They made me feel normal again. Loved… like I used to be.
Jason told me in his letters I didn’t deserve nice things. So did Everly. She was mad at how much Jason hated being the Beta. Icouldn’t blame her really. I’d saved her when she was kidnapped for Jason though. Then found out she’d been pregnant with Kai. My nephew they’d never allow me to meet.
Peter Kyle was family to me, and he betrayed me as family and an Alpha. What happened wasn’t my fault. Maybe it was… but if this situation happened to anyone else… I’d say it wasn’t their fault. I’d say that the Alpha was being a jerk.
Peter Kyle WAS being a jerk… when you thought about it… logically. My parents trusted them to take care of me if something happened to them. Instead, he handed me over to our enemies. To the hands of Alpha Ezra’s allies no less.
Some days I wondered if Peter had known what they did to me at his request. I wondered if Jason or Grandpa Ben knew. I didn’t think they would be ok with it. I didn’t even think Peter would be ok with it if he knew what truly happened. I knew Chelsea wouldn’t be. Sometimes I wondered if my parents haunted them. Or if Tristan haunted Jason.
I tried to harden my heart against them all again. They left and abandoned me. I was a pup, and they should’ve protected me. I woke up from that awful night all alone. My family died that day too, and they acted like my pain was nothing. It hurt coming from them.
Everyone else could act like my pain was nothing… but they weren’t supposed to. They were supposed to be my family. No, they WERE my family, and they threw me away. Like I was nothing. Maybe I was nothing. They thought I was. They didn’t even acknowledge when I saved them.
I heard a whisper, “You have to wake up and keep fighting now.” Wasn’t it someone else’s turn to fight? I’d been fighting my whole life. I’d been fighting to keep my stuffed Xander wolf. I’d been fighting to not be anyone’s but Xander’s. Men always wanted me to be theirs. I was fighting for the innocents….Valentina, Virgil, Paige, and Paisley’s faces flashed through my mind.
Where would they be if I didn’t fight? Trapped. Like so many others I had to fight for. I was their chance and their hope. I couldn’t abandon them. I was on the inside of the underbelly of the beast in a way the allies never could be.
It was my place to stand. Between those that hide in the shadows and those they seek to prey upon. I kept Xander safe this way. I kept the allies and everyone I cared about safe my way. It was a lonely life but it was mine.
I heard a beep and nearly threw up. It was too familiar. I opened my eyes then frowned. I had no earthly clue where I was. I groaned saying to myself in my head, “This is an all too familiar feeling… and that didn’t end well for me last time.”
I spotted a man with his back to me. I easily noted that he was a Hackura. He had the same sense about him Micah, Cayden, and Levi did. I cleared my throat. He turned around and my jaw dropped. He greeted, “Nice to see you officially Ashley.” I nodded, “Sure. You too… Duke Brody Cambridge… What is going on?”
He snorted, “I think that’s my line. You know me?” I muttered, “People know you… that’s a thing that people know. Was Cayden there when I got in the car accident? Car accident… I was in a car accident, right? I swear I was…”
Everything was now a blur. This was not the first time this had happened. The same thing happened after the car accident my mom and I were in. I knew the answers though... Didn’t I? Why couldn’t I remember what happened?
Duke Brody smiled saying, “You can call me Brody. Do you remember what happened to you?” I frowned and rubbed my head. I went through the events I knew about. Blair found her mate… which means I’d have fought for her… I’d have been punished.
I had a fight for the Undergrounds. I remember flashes of light. There was clearly a car accident. Why couldn’t I remember the rest of the day? It had to be there. I couldn’t possibly be in two bad accidents and not remember the details. The odds were astronomically bad for even getting in two bad accidents lets alone not remembering the aftermath.
I told him, “I know there was a fight... maybe two. I don’t remember them though. I remember there was a car accident… or was that when I was younger? I was in a car accident with my mom once. Gosh... I need to stop getting in cars.”
“Maybe I should just run everywhere. Some people go their whole lives without getting into car accidents. Now, I’m fairly certain I've been in two pretty serious car accidents. That’s exceptionally bad luck if you think about it, which makes sense.”
Brody laughed questioning, “Why do you say that?” I answered, “Because the Moon Goddess is evil and turned her back on me a long time ago.” Brody raised an eyebrow, “Hmmm, I see. I did wonder if you were bitter about your lack of wolf.”
I rubbed my temples admitting, “I swear I heard my wolf that night… No, that’s crazy... right?” Brody asked, “What do you remember from that night?” I winced answering, “Not much. I remember being in pain then waking up in the Alpha’s office… but sometimes I think I heard her telling me to fight.”
Brody asked, “What about the people with you? It’s my understanding wolf less are not in pain on their birthdays. They just don’t get a wolf, so there is no pain.” I definitely remembered the pain. I shrugged, “I was alone.” Brody’s jaw dropped.
Eventually he offered, “That’s dangerous.” I shrugged explaining, “Edward and Jean sent everyone who would’ve been there for me away. I didn’t have anyone. I was hoping… .my brother would come... but he didn’t.”
Cayden said, “Because he’s an ass. I did not know you were alone that night, Ashley. I would’ve come.” Right... Ashley… they thought that was my name. Be Ashley. I turned greeting, “Hi Cayden and Micah.”
Cayden said, “You must still be out of it. We’ve been here the whole time.” He was right then. Micah asked, “Why didn’t you call me on your sixteenth birthday? I would’ve come for your shift.” I probably would have just to have someone there.
I clarified, “I didn’t know they weren’t there. I went to the meadow I wanted to shift in to meet everyone. Buck told me they’d all been sent elsewhere then left. It was one minute until midnight when I was told. He was Alpha Ordered to tell me that and leave so he couldn’t stay… he did look like he felt bad about it though… I collapsed in pain in the next second. I didn’t have time to call anyone.”
Cayden studied me. Was there a test I didn’t know I needed to pass? He surmised, “You really don’t know what happened that landed you here?” I closed my eyes, trying to remember. I knew what had to have happened but… I had nothing.
