He asked, “What do you mean?” I sighed, “It’s silly.” He shrugged, “So?” I sighed, “Ember doesn’t go with Oden. My Fairy side doesn’t like it. Which I understand sounds insane, but my Fairy side likes all the other pairings in my family. I know it’s them. I’m telling you that beyond a shadow of a doubt Melanie and Alexander go together. So, why doesn’t my Fairy side like their wolves’ names together? Ember is a fine wolf’s name. It’s just wrong. UGH!”
I rubbed my head, and he rubbed my shoulders. He reasoned, “Maybe the name of the wolf is wrong. Drake had to get that from the pack. Melanie would’ve been running in her wolf form. Maybe they guessed the wolf’s damn name, or she did some sort of dance and they thought it was Ember. She wouldn’t have shifted back to tell them.”
I asked, “Why didn’t she correct her family then?” He replied, “Maybe she’s thrown like everyone else.” I wanted to argue, but he was right. I was still thrown by the events of that day. Feeling Alexander’s pain and knowing that I was too weak to get to him was something I still couldn’t get over. I grappled with the feelings like I should’ve been able to get him like he has done for me. I couldn’t though. I couldn’t get off the damn floor.
Rain whimpered. That was the other thing that pissed me off. My wolf was so sad and sometimes felt pangs like something was missing. She said all her siblings felt that way too. So, all my siblings wolves felt these pangs and I couldn’t help them. We were dealing with echoes of something, but none of us knew what it was.
I sighed, “This is supposed to be an exciting time.” He nudged me, “I think it still is.” Tears filled my eyes. I sighed, “I just want to enjoy being engaged and planning the wedding, but I’m so angry at myself. Then we don’t have any answers for my Alpha side to settle down with.” He frowned, “Why would you be angry at yourself?” I answered, “I couldn’t get off the floor to help my brother.” He put an arm around me.
He said, “Your dad couldn’t get off the floor either. None of you could. Your mom was desperately yanking her Hackura family to her. She was screaming about someone getting to you and finding all her children. She was between Alexander and Eric on the floor. She couldn’t even think to use her magic to put them close together. She caught your dad as he fell.”
I winced, “I hate that she went through that.” She had her walls up too, so I knew she was not letting us know all the types of ways she felt about it. He nodded, “As do I. Her guard’s reports are that she’s nottaking it well.” I admitted, “None of us are, but I’d bet she’s worse. Cayden’s not doing well with how he saw me either.”
He agreed, “No, he’s not but he’s not the only one.” I asked, “What do you mean?” He reached for my hand, “All the Crawford’s are feeling bad about it. The Cambridge’s do too. Our blood isn’t helping us out here. We felt helpless and we love you.” I tried for something cheerful, “At least we have a name for the Blue Circle group.” He nodded, “It’s obvious now that I think about it.”
I admitted, “It is. I’m certain it was on the list of possible names from Uncle Aiden.” I’d peaked at it in my Uncle Bjourn’s office. He admitted, “It was.” I whispered, “Why doesn’t The Resistance want our help?” He answered, “Your mom thinks they feel the need to do this on their own.”
I bitterly said, “Well, if anyone would understand that logic it would be her. The theory is these people are directly related to it. I know everyone thinks a family member of someone who died from the drugs, but I don’t agree.”
He asked, “What do you mean?” I answered, “Honestly, the whole thing with Ashley makes me feel like this group is using people like her.” He frowned, “What do you mean?” I pointed out, “We’ve suspected she’s in The Resistance. The people behind this group seem to be using her own pain. They save people to recruit them. It’s smart but I hate it for Ashley.”
He rubbed my back saying, “I know there is more.” I groaned, “UGH! Yes, because it’s a good strategy and I love that those people that are being hurt are being giving a choice to do something. It’s good they have something tangible. They are given the tools, and they fight back. It’s great. I’ve seen in my mom’s own patients how helpful that can be.”
He grinned, “But.” I yelled, “But Ashley is different! She should be ours. She practically is and I don’t like that she’s being used.” He shrugged, “If we are right, and I’d bet we are, she wants to do this.” Rain growled in my head. She’d been so quiet since we all went down, more so than usual.
I put my head in my hands, “I know that. I really do. Now, she’s the Female Lead Warrior and I just want to help her. She refuses most of Cayden and Micah’s offers, but she likes them being around. It’s like she refuses to let herself have nice things. We would bring her here. She shouldn’t be doing that job at sixteen. I’m simultaneously proud of her and worried for her. I want her here, away from them. I want to scream and rage until she understands this is all wrong. I want to tell her my family would help, but I can’t. She’s using knowledge about all of us she shouldn’t have to her advantage. It’s so annoyingly smart.”
I waved, “Then I’m here planning my wedding to an amazing man I love and adore. My wolf is so quiet it hurts me because she’s still feeling echoes from whatever happened. I didn’t help my brother when he was hurting. EJ and Alexander are driving themselves crazy trying to figure this out. Hell, I’m working with Gia and Tory to do the same. I have a piece I can’t tell them, but I don’t regret my choice to have Cayden tell me everything. My place is beside him in every single fight, but this situation is driving me nuts.”
I groaned, “Why would Ashley be mad at Everly? Cayden and I both think that’s who saved Julianna and Everly. Except her stupid pack alibies her out saying she was running errands. There was just time for her to do it. You know?” He answered, “I know.”
I continued, “But that doesn’t jive. It was personal, I felt it.” He agreed, “It did appear that way, yes.” I waved, “Then Julianna got hurt. I’m not supposed to let things like that happen. All the men blame themselves and I just can’t help but feel that way myself. They don’t notice because they blame themselves.”
Alexander said, “I noticed.” I jumped and scolded, “RAIN!” She just sighed in my head. My father in law grinned, “Alexander.” My brother nodded, “Aaron.” He said, “I’ll leave you to it.” He got up and jogged off.
Alexander sat down and snapped us both drinks. I asked, “What are you doing here?” He wasn’t scheduled to be here. His squad practiced tomorrow.He answered, “I’m working my way through my siblings. I saved you and EJ for last. A lot of shit has been going on. All of you blame yourselves for not getting to me when I went down.” I sipped on my drink.
He added, “And you are denying that you feel awful for what happened to Jase.” I frowned, “Of course I do.” He pressed, “But you think it was your fault. You haven’t talked to him much, and you’d have advised against him going.”
I yelled, “Because it was STUPID! I would’ve said that, but I’ve been busy here and…” He cut me off, “You’re planning your wedding, and you have your own life. Nothing you did was wrong.” I grumbled, “It wasn’t right either.” He said, “Jase is fine.” I glared at him, “Because the sniper saved him.” The sniper that I thought was Ashley, but I couldn’t say that.
Alexander told me, “I felt like a failure when I saw him. I argued against him going. I said it was a bad idea. Then I saw one of my best friends nearly dead. It messes with me.” I put a hand on his. It hurt him more than most because, as a healer, he could feel the physical damage that had been caused to Jason. He shrugged, “I’ve got a lot of feelings about everything that’s gone on and crazy thoughts.” Rain grumbled, “Probably not so crazy.” I nearly sighed in relief because she was talking more. That was good.
He said, “Oden and I had to have a ‘come to Jesus’ meeting. He was sullen, moody, and withdrawn. I think you need to have the same conversation with Rain. Most of our siblings that don’t lean wolf have. You couldn’t have gotten to me. It takes time to push pain down, and you’ve had no practice at doing it.” I scoffed, “It was an emergency, and I couldn’t do anything.”
He nudged me, “I’ve been there myself. I have more practice at it than all of you and it still takes a second. What happened that day wasn’t your fault, and you know it. What happened to Jase wasn’t your fault. To top off the things that aren’t your fault, whatever secret you have held back from us isn’t your fault.” My jaw dropped.
He nodded to my drink, and I sipped it. I whispered, “What do you mean?” He laughed, “You feel guilty over the secret you’re keeping and it’s not necessary. Your life is here and at home. You straddle both roles well. You have a hybrid role as an Alpha, but your mate is here. You have allegiances here to our people as their Duchess, but more importantly as the Commander’s mate. You’ll have to keep things from us and that’s ok.”
Rain told me, “I’m talking to Oden about everything.” I replied, “Ok. It’s nice to talk to you.” She agreed, “Yes, it is. I’m sorry.” I quickly said, “You have nothing to be sorry about.” I turned to my brother, “Sometimes it doesn’t feel ok.” He shrugged, “That’s life. We can’t help how feel. Your loyalties are tearing at you.” I rolled my eyes, “I see someone has been all up in the bond.”
He snorted, “Yes, I have with each and every one of you. You have to have Cayden’s six. None of us are in danger from the knowledge you have that we don’t. It’s ok. We all understand, and we’d do the same. If my mate needed me to keep a secret that didn’t affect your life, I’d keep it from you. I don’t even have her, and I know that. It’s ok to live your life. We will always be your family, but your core family is Cayden now. You’d never hurt us, and we know it. It’s all ok.”
I let my tears fall now and my brother wrapped me in his arms. I whispered, “How can I be here planning my wedding when everything is going to shit? I’m so scared about going down again. It hurt so bad and knowing you went down first is awful. You’re impenetrable. I’ve never felt that kind of pain from you and I just…” I broke off in a sob.
He said, “It scared me too.” I cried, “Something we don’t know or understand took you down. What if the Ring figured it out and they come for you?” He said, “Let them come. I’ll take them out.” I punched him in the shoulder, “Not if you’re down in pain.” He reasoned, “It didn’t take mom or my guard out.” I agreed, “That’s true.”
He advised, “Don’t feel bad about the big steps you are taking in your life because it feels like things are going to shit around us. It may be crazy, and we’ve been shown we aren’t infallible. Jase, Everly, and Julianna got hurt. EJ and Elise knowingly walked into a trap. It’s all been crazy, but there’s good in the crazy. We have Laxenread now, and we know the group we are encountering. Good things are happening with the crazy. We prepare and adjust.”
