Page 62 of Connected By Stars
He starts to shove his things in his bag. I can tell he’s afraid and backing away from me. He blames himself for what happened last night, but I won’t let him.
“Where are you going?” I ask him.
“I just...I need time to think. I shouldn’t have had so much to drink last night. I should have noticed that you were in pain. I just need to be alone right now.” He grabs his keys and wallet.
“Please don’t go. We need to talk about this. I promise you did nothing wrong last night. I was the one who wouldn’t let you walk away from me in the elevator. I wanted this just as much as you did, and I don’t regret a single second of it. I..” I want to tell him I’ve been in love with my whole life, but I’m afraid it will scare him even more.
“I just need time to think,” he says again, turning his back on me. “I’m so fucking sorry, Bell, if I hurt you. If I had known, I never would have had your first time be like that. You deserve so much more than I fucking gave you,” he says quietly before walking out of the door, taking my heart with him.
I sit there for what seems like hours, crying softly in bed before I wipe my eyes and throw my dress back on. I’ll be damned if I let him walk away from me because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. He gave me everything last night, and I won’t let him take that away from us.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Maverick
I pullup to the beach and throw my shirt on the front seat of my Jeep. I feel like I can’t breathe and need to be in the one place that calms me. I dive in the cool water and swim out as far as I can, wanting to feel the burn of my muscles—anything other than feeling this pain in my heart.
How could I have not known? I remember how fucking good it felt. She was wrapped so tightly around me, and I remember thinking, this is what heaven feels like, but not once did I think she was a virgin. She goes on so many dates, and I just assumed she had been with other guys.
I know I was rough with her, too—that’s what’s killing me. I don’t care that she’s a virgin. In fact, deep down, I fucking love that I’m the only one that’s ever been inside her. A primal part of me really, really loves that fucking part.
I would have done things differently and made sure it was more special, taking my time with her and making sure she was worshiped like she deserved. Instead, I fucked her like some wild animal, not even bothering to use a condom because I can’t think straight when I’m around her. All I could think about wasburying myself deep inside of her before I embarrassed myself and came before I was even in her.
I don’t know what I’m more scared of, the fact that I could have gotten my best friend’s sister pregnant or the fact that despite everything, all I want to do right now is show her what last night should have been like.
I bob in the waves until my muscles are too exhausted to keep me up anymore. For once, the water doesn’t calm me or give me the answers I need.
I towel off and get in my jeep. My phone vibrates next to me, and I glance down and see Bell’s beautiful face light up the screen. A pain shoots through my heart at the sight of her. Gripping the wheel tightly, I ignore the call and pull out of the parking lot as my tires spin on the sandy pavement.
I know I need to talk to her, but I want to figure out what the hell I’m going to do. I feel bad leaving her this morning, but the walls started closing in, and I needed to get out of there. Seeing that blood on her and knowing I probably hurt her was more than I could take. It’s literally been less than twenty-four hours of being with her, and I’ve already fucked it up. I should have kept my distance and watched over her from afar as I told myself a long time ago to do. She’s better off without me.
Not wanting to go back to my apartment, I take a left and head in the other direction. I pull into Emma’s driveway a few minutes later. There’s just something about this house that makes me feel at home. I’m in no shape to have a conversation with Bell now, so I take the coward's way out and hide.
Emma and Noah gave me keys to both their houses while they were gone so I could water their plants and watch over things. Noah. Just thinking of him is like a punch to the gut. If he knew what I did last night, he would never forgive me. I should have stayed the fuck away from her, but instead, I tookher damn virginity and then left her because I’m too fucking ashamed to face her.
I slide the key in the door and walk straight to the liquor cabinet, grabbing a bottle of tequila. I take it with me to the back deck and take a long pull, welcoming the burn. Sitting down on the lounge chair, I do what I do best. I drown myself and shut out my feelings, letting the numbness take over. It’s better this way, I try to convince myself. I’ll talk to her and tell her again how sorry I am and make her see I’m not what she needs…what she wants.
I take another long drink, already feeling the effects of the alcohol on an empty stomach. I sit there watching the waves for what seems like hours before the bottle slips from my hand and darkness washes over me.
Groaning,I sit up and put my hand to my head to stop the spinning. The sun is set low in the sky, so it must be close to evening. I pick up the half-empty bottle and stumble my way inside, knowing I need to eat something to soak up all this tequila. My phone vibrates on the counter, and I glance at it before getting a glass of water. I have several missed calls and texts from Sophia and Bell.
Not being able to face Bell right now, I read the last text from Sophia that just popped up.
Sophia
Where the fuck are you? If I don’t hear from you within an hour, I’m calling Mom and Dad and getting an APB put out on your ass. TEXT ME BACK!
Grimacing, I text back, not wanting her to worry.
Maverick
I’m fine. I had work stuff come up and lost track of time. Sorry.
I’m already going to hell. What’s one more lie?
Sophia
Nice try. I already checked your work, and they haven’t seen you all day. Why are you lying? Are you with someone? Because you’re not home either. I’ve been to your apartment, and it looks like you haven’t even been home since the wedding.
