Page 40 of When We Fell Again
It would be so easy to slip back into an old relationship with old ways and old routines. But we had both changed. Our experiences, our battle wounds had taken their toll and we wouldn’t be the same couple we once were.
I needed time to think about everything. Time I wasn’t sure Jordan wanted to give me. But I didn’t want to rush into anything. Whatever we decided to do, we’d both have to work at it. The relationship wouldn’t be easy, but then again, it never had been.
Sometimes the best part of breaking up was the making up.
Wasn’t it?
By the time the sun started to break through the clouds, I still hadn’t come to any sensible conclusion. But I couldn’t leave Jordan hanging. I wasn’t that cruel. I dragged my sorry arse off the sofa, grabbed my phone, and headed for my bedroom, typing as I walked.
Alexis: I’m sorry. I need some time to think.
Sucking in a breath, I pressed send and then switched my phone off. I had to focus on work and any Jordan-shaped distraction would have to take second place. Not for the first time.
CHAPTER17
Jordan
Three monthslater
Don’t break me, just rearrange me,
Took a broken soul,
And reshaped it to be whole,
The weight of history and expectation of what could be,
Makes little or no sense to me,
When we were meant to be.
I sat on the sofa in the studio, strumming an acoustic guitar as I shared one of the deeply personal songs I’d written over the past few months. Around me, Levi, Jude, and Robbie listened intently, hanging on my every word.
“I mean, it’s as rough as fuck,” I said when the song ended. “But you get the gist of what it’s like.”
Levi rubbed his chin. “Mate, it’s beautiful.”
Since we’d finished the tour, I’d had a lot of time on my hands. Rather than throwing myself into utter self-destruction after Lex rejected me, I ploughed all of that excess energy into good things. I’d re-learned the guitar, I’d written a shit ton of new songs, not all of which would see the light of day, and I’d tried to stay healthy. Reaching for the joint burning in the ashtray on the side, I inhaled a hit. The key word there wastried.
Robbie drummed a beat with his fingers on the table. “Do you think it’ll be a fully electric number? Like, will Levi have an epic guitar solo? And do you need a killer beat for it?”
I shrugged. “I’m open. I think it could work either way. Maybe it could be something likeMachines?” I knew all about picking yourself up from a low point in life and trying to move on.
“Nice. I can beef up the guitar sound you’ve got.” Levi glanced over at me. “Unless you were thinking of playing it yourself?”
Given all the raw emotion I’d put into the lyrics, I doubted I’d be able to get through singing the damn thing as well as playing a guitar. “All yours, Levi. I just wanted to show you guys what it sounded like. It’s the first song I’ve actually had a melody for, rather than just the words.”
Jude stretched out in his seat. “Reminds me a little ofWherever It Takes You, actually.”
Little did he know that the two songs had the same inspiration.
Lex.
I wondered if she’d ever get to hear it.
After the last night of the tour when she’d sent me a message saying she needed time, I hadn’t heard anything from her at all. On the grapevine, and with the help of Claudia and social media, I discovered she’d gone straight out on tour with a popular girlband, taking in several European countries. I internet stalked the band, trying to find out anything I could about how she was doing. Several times I’d sent a polite ‘how are you doing’ kind of message, but with no response. Whatever had happened on our tour clearly meant much less to her than it had to me. Perhaps it was time to think about moving on.
“Yeah, I can hear the similarities too,” added Levi. “We could think about having them next to each other in the setlist.”
