Page 75 of When We Fell Again
I nodded slowly.
“What happened?”
Rubbing a hand over the back of my neck, I averted my eyes, staring at the carpet. “After I found out what Arlo had said to you, Levi and I went out. We were only meant to be going for a few drinks, but we ended up playing these guys at pool for money in a pub. Then one of them had some coke. He offered it to me, but I said no. I should have walked away then, but he just left it there. And you’re right, it was easy to take it. I brought it home, wrestled with all the rights and wrongs of doing it.”
“But the high won out, right?” Lex turned away, but not before I caught the look of disgust on her face. “I can’t believe that after everything you told me about Dexter, you’re here again.”
Sucking in a breath, I couldn’t argue with her. “I know. I’m weak.” The words were barely audible as I admitted them.
Lex shifted back towards me. “It doesn’t explain the beating, though.”
“The guy I got the coke from, his name’s Felix. He is… was… is Dexter’s brother.”
A gasp escaped from Lex’s lips. “He targeted you?”
I shook my head. “I think it was opportune. It had to be chance we met in that pub, but when he found out who I was.” I shrugged, the pain in my shoulder burning. “I guess it was his opportunity to get back at me.”
“What are you going to do? Are you going to go to the police?”
The harsh laugh I let out answered her question. There was no point in reporting him for the assault because I’d end up landing myself in it over the drugs. I’d have to keep my nose clean, pun intended, block Felix on the socials, and try to avoid him.
And there was only one way to start.
Getting to my feet, hissing out a breath at the wave of agony that rolled through my body, I headed for the door. “I’m going to get a shower. And then I need to talk to the others.”
An hour later, the rest of the band and Lex sat around the table in the kitchen, me at the head. Levi, who had already seen the state of me, discreetly asked how I was feeling, but Jude and Robbie had been taken aback at my appearance. None of them knew what was coming, not even Lex. While I’d been in the shower, the warm jets cleaning away the hurt, I’d come to a decision about the future and what needed to happen for the sake of the band. We were only just coming back from a dark place and I didn’t want to take them back to it. Not to mention what it would mean for me and Lex. I hoped she would be there to support me, but I didn’t want to take anything for granted.
“What’s going on? I had a date.” Robbie stretched and leaned back in his chair, balancing precariously on two legs. “She wasn’t happy I cancelled.”
“Mate, this is more important than a quick shag.” I paused. “Aren’t you in the least bit interested why I look like this?”
“Yeah, I guess. But you got beaten up by some random. Why should it bother me?”
I glanced over at Levi. “Because it wasn’t some random.”
He straightened up in his chair as I made eye contact with him. “Then who?”
“Felix.”
“You’re kidding. When did you get in touch with him again?”
“Last night.” I placed my hands on the table, palms down, and sat up, ready to address the group. “Let me explain everything.”
Barely stopping to take a breath, I told them everything. I told them about Arlo’s proposition to Lex, making me feel useless that I couldn’t be there for her, then how Levi and I had met Felix in the pub, and Felix’s ‘gift’ to me. I admitted that I hated myself for what I’d done.
“And then I went to see you in Bristol,” I aimed at Lex. “I wanted to make up for not being there when Arlo was being a prick, but I ended up making things a million times worse. I wanted to protect you, because I love you.” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “I don’t think I ever really stopped.”
The guys shifted uncomfortably in their seats as I spoke, sensing they might be prying on a private moment. But I had to be honest about everything, even with them in the room. Plus, if Lex was going to reject me, at least they’d still be there. Undaunted, I carried on, the urge to get everything out into the open strong.
“When I left the gig, I was so angry with myself for fucking things up again. I needed a release, something to take away the pain of possibly losing you again. So, I messaged Felix. He was more than happy to hear from me, and now I know why. He’s Dexter’s brother.”
The loud intake of breath around the table told me everything.
“Why the hell didn’t he say anything when we met him?” asked Levi, banging a fist down on the tabletop. He fixed me with a look. “Would it have made a difference? Would you still have taken the coke?”
“I didn’t know he was going to try and break my ribs at the time.” I shook my head. “I have no idea, Levi. I guess he wanted to get back at me for what happened to Dexter. Did he have a hunch I’d go to him for more gear? Did he plan it? Fuck knows.” A wave of tiredness overcame me, but I persevered. I had to get everything out, no matter how painful.
“Are you telling us you’re back on coke?” Jude asked, leaning forward.
