Page 58 of Wish You Once More
“Good,” she paused, “I’m not sure whether Jonny’s ready to have him in the house yet though.”
“Not an issue. Mat will stay with me.” I realised I hadn’t actually broached the subject with him, but I was sure he wouldn’t have a problem with it. “How’s Jonny? And Henry?”
At the mention of Henry’s name, Melinda caught a sob. “God, Bree, he’s so little and he doesn’t understand what’s going on. He keeps asking when he can go and visit Grandad. It’s killing me, because I don’t know how to tell him. Jesus, it was bad enough having to tell Mat because Jonny refused to speak to him.”
It was becoming patently obvious that the Redmond family reunion wasn’t going to be a pleasant one. I sensed Melinda and me would end up being the peacemakers in this operation.
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Me and Melinda had never been that close, but it seemed she was the one keeping everything together and could probably do with a friend.
She sighed. “I could do with Jonny not being so stubborn and accepting what’s happened. He went into work this morning as if everything was fine.”
“Maybe that’s his way of coping?” I suggested. I honestly didn’t know whether Mat’s behaviour was normal for him or not. Four years had passed since I knew what his normal looked like. “Keeping busy to take his mind off of things?”
“True. And there’s still a business to run.” Melinda paused. “I feel selfish for saying this, but I don’t know how we’re going to manage.”
“You’ll work things out.”
“We’ll have to.”
We both fell silent.
“If Mat’s coming back with you, does that mean…?” Melinda’s unspoken question hung in the air.
I bit my lip. I didn’t know what it meant. We’d been so close to talking about the future last night, although we hadn’t come to any conclusion.
Nothing had really changed.
Mat was still the bassist in an emerging rock band based in Manchester. I was still a furniture restorer based in Darthampton.
Could we make a long-distance relationship work?
Did I want that anyway?
Right now, there were more questions than answers.
“It means we’re coming home to sort things out between Mat and Jonny,” I ended up saying.
Even though I couldn’t see her, I imagined Melinda slowly nodding at my words. It was, without doubt, the one single most important thing that needed to happen and the only one which mattered right now.
29
Mat
Given I’d barely slept during the night, I thought I’d sleep more on the train home. The carriage was fairly quiet, except for the customer service manager passing through with the refreshments trolley. I guess mainlining coffee also hadn’t helped.
Every so often I glanced at Bree, who seemed to have drifted off to sleep in the seat beside me; her blonde and blue hair across her face. I wanted to reach across and brush it back, but I didn’t want to wake her. She looked so peaceful and content, even after everything we’ve been through the past few days.
God, I’d missed her, we always used to have the best times. I could almost forget the bad times. I really wanted us to try again.
Resting my head against the window, I knew I’d have to try with Jonny too. His knee jerk reaction, pushing me away at the hospital still hurt. I’d taken the cowardly way out by running back to Manchester, and with all my heart, I regretted it. I should have stayed, should have worked things out.
If I had, maybe Dad wouldn’t have died.
My rationale was all over the place. In my head, I knew it was unlikely to have changed the outcome, but in my heart, I wanted it to be different.
I didn’t want to be on a train heading home to reconcile with my brother.
I didn’t want to be on a train heading home to bury my father.
