Page 48 of Wish You Once More
I had no motivation, no passion for anything.
And I knew exactly why.
In my heart, I knew I should have stayed to try and work things out with Jonny.
But he’d made it clear he didn’t want anything to do with me, and I in turn, was done fighting with him.
I’d taken the coward’s way out and run away.
Then I turned my phone off.
For the first two days of being back in Manchester, I didn’t leave my flat. I binge-watched The Big Bang Theory right from the beginning, barely moving from the sofa. I only got up to answer the door to delivery drivers or to take a piss. I slept there, a throw over my body, clad in the same boxers and t-shirt I’d travelled home in.
I still couldn’t get over how Jonny thought I didn’t care about the family. After everything - or rather everyone - I’d given up for them.
Several times, my hands itched to pick up the phone, to call him and sort things out. But something always stopped me from actually switching it on.
“What are we practising for anyway?” Bobby asked the question I’d been desperate to ask.
Scott flexed his fingers, a grin playing on his lips. “Rumour has it we are up for a festival slot. Which means taking this new stuff on the road.”
“Fuck, why do you always get to hear about this stuff first?” I moaned. “Why do the rest of us never get to know anything until you do?”
He struck a pose. “Lead singer perks, buddy.”
Declan, Bobby and I immediately threw whatever was closest to us at him. An empty can, drumsticks, a magazine, several plectrums and a cushion rained down on him. Laughing, he ducked out of the way.
“Truce?” Scott held up his hands. “Look, let’s go through each song and make each of them as epic as we can.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Let’s do it.”
For the next two hours, we did exactly as Scott suggested, picking apart each of the new songs, making suggestions and improvements. Whenever anyone called me out on something to do with the bass part, it left me totally deflated. Like I’d failed somehow. Exactly like my relationship with my brother.Failing. Needs work.
When we were satisfied with what we’d done, Scott called a halt to the session.
“Same time tomorrow?” he asked.
It wasn’t as if I had anything else to do.
We tidied up, able to leave our kit in the studio, thanks to some serious security.
Declan and Bobby left first, leaving Scott and me alone.
“Do you want to grab a pint?” Scott placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from leaving with them. “Rosie’s having drinks with Ellie, so I’m at a bit of a loose end.”
The mention of Ellie’s name drove a stake through my heart. She was someone I definitely didn’t want to see. A vision of Bree flashed through my mind and I let out a hard breath.
“Yeah, only one though. I want to be home early.”
“What? You got a date with a porn film?” He laughed and stuck an elbow into my ribs.
“Don’t really fancy bumping into Ellie, if I’m honest.”
“Sounds like you need a session, not just the one.”
Once we’d locked up and thanked the security guard, we headed to The Bell. Practically our local, it was one of the places where we were usually left alone to drink and didn’t get bothered by anyone. I was grateful for that today.
Scott got the drinks in and we settled into our usual table.
