Page 56 of Lost in Her
“Babe, please look at me.”
I don’t respond.I tighten my eyes closed, refusing to give him what he wants.But just like I knew he would, I feel him place his hand on the side of my face forcing me to turn my head in his direction.I keep my eyes closed as I feel his breath on my face.The tears continue to fall down my face, reminding how I am just a toy to be used.
I feel him lean forward and gently place his lips against mine.I can smell the blood on him ...or it might be me.He pulls back a little, but I can still feel his warmth telling me that he is still close to me, telling me he is patient and will stay put until I open my eyes.
He slowly lowers his hand from my face and rests his hand on top of mine on my stomach.
I slowly open my eyes and look at him.I see worry and concern in his eyes.The rage I saw moments ago has been replaced.His breathing is calmer than it was before.He is intoxicating.His smell, his stare, everything about him is all-consuming and scary and not because he just killed a man.
Nope it is for the way he’s looking at me right now in this moment.
“Are you okay?”
The fuck, really?Am I okay?Do I look okay?But I can’t say any of that to him.He just saved me, even though I am in this fucking situation because of him, because he couldn’t just let me go.
“None of this is okay, Tristan” The irritation and fear are still in my tone.No reason to hide it—I know he can see it in my eyes.
“Did he hurt you?”he asks in a pained voice.
I take a deep breath and shake my head.“No.”
He takes his own deep breath.“Did he touch you?”
“It didn’t get that far.”Luckily it didn’t get that far.It would have if Tristan hadn’t shown up.This is all so fucked up.
“Good,” he whispers.He leans down and places his forehead against mine, making the tears escape my eyes again.He took a gesture that used to belong to me and Ethan and now has tainted it, twisted it.
He’s taken a gesture that I fell in love with and has now made it something I will forever hate and not see the same.
He plans on tainting everything that Ethan and I had and replacing it with him, which makes my hatred for him that much deeper.
“I’m sorry, babe,” he states softly.I can tell he means what he’s saying.I know he’s sorry, but he’s the whole fucking reason I’m here in the first place.If he just left me and Ethan alone and walked away I would be safe right now.Safe and happy.But now I am unsafe and depressed, distant and cold.All the things Ethan made disappear are now coming back to the surface replacing the woman I wanted to be with the woman I was before Ethan.
“Me, too,” is all I can say.The only words that can come out of my mouth that I know won’t fucking upset him and make this situation worse than what it already is.
“That won’t happen again.”He keeps making promises he can’t keep.He keeps trying to show me he can give me a better life.But right now, all I see is the life I escaped from in the studio.The environment is different, but the men and everything else are the same.Uncertain and rocky.
I don’t respond as he pulls back and searches my eyes.He wants me to believe him, to trust him, but I don’t.He came just in time, but what if he didn’t?What if he didn’t hear my screams?Then, once again, I would be used and abused.He thinks he has power when he doesn’t.
“It willnothappen again.”He’s trying to convince both of us of something he has no control over.
“What do you want from me, Tristan?”I ask, hearing the fear in my voice.I am so tired of being afraid, of needing saving.I am so sick and tired of having no control over what happens to me.
My father, the other men, Tristan—they all act like they have my best interest at heart, but really the only interest they have in mind is their own.I am forgotten.
If Tristan really cared about me or loved me like he is trying to claim he does, then he would have left me alone.He would have left me alone and let it go.But he couldn’t and now here we are.Saying he’s sorry and me not believing anything he says.It’s a deadly cycle that has been my life forever.
The only one that has ever kept their promises to me is Ethan and now he is somewhere in this building going through God knows what because he’s trying to keep his promises.
“I want you to believe me.”As if it is that fucking simple.
“I don’t believe you.You can’t stop them all.There will always be another man like the one you just killed,” I snap, trying to get my point across.But I can see in his eyes that he believes what he believes.And he won’t stop trying until I finally give myself to him.
“I will fucking kill them all for you,” he says, slowly standing up.I lay still, feeling his hand leave mine.
“Is it true?”I ask in a low voice.I know my question is going to piss him off.But I have to know.I have to know if the man was just lying to me.I need to know if he was just saying something to get a reaction out of me or if my Ethan is really inside this building right now.
“What?”
