Page 17 of The Question of Us
Another grin. “Yes, it is. Now do as you’re told.”
And so I did, mostly because I didn’t have the energy to argue. It took a little longer than Gazza had envisioned for me to actually leave the house, lunchtime rather than mid-morning. I’d wanted to be sure my blood alcohol was back within limitsbefore I got behind the wheel, but Gazza had been right. The brain-numbing everyday task of grocery shopping was exactly what I needed. I drove back to the house with the windows down, Joni Mitchell blasting in my ears, and a deep certainty that Nick Fisher could simply go fuck himself.
I would be just fine on my own. Exactly as I’d been the last thirty-seven years since I’d left home. That certainty lasted until I turned into my driveway and caught sight of a familiar car parked outside my house, its driver sitting on the front doorstep, head down and looking miserable as fuck.
Nick.
“Fuck me,” I grumbled, ignoring the way my traitorous heart upped its rhythm. I eased off the gas until the car was barely crawling and tried to decide whether I had the energy to handle yet another conversation.An odd quandary since I’d been the one who’d wanted the man to talk more.
Dammit. These things always came back to bite you in the butt.
The second he heard the car, Nick’s head jerked up, and I fought the urge to simply turn around and leave. This relationship was becoming way too much work. But the longer I looked, the more the urge faded.
Nick cut a lonely figure sitting on my stoop, and it was hard not to feel sorry for the guy. It also begged the question of why he was sitting there in the first place since Gazza was presumably still at work inside. I had an idea about that, and if I was right, my apprentice just went to the top of my favourite-people list.
I continued down the drive and parked my car alongside Nick’s. He got to his feet but didn’t approach, and I didn’t acknowledge him. Childish? Absolutely. Did it feel good? Hell yes, it did. I hauled two grocery bags from the trunk and walked past Nick to deposit them by the front door.
“Can I help?” he offered as I walked back toward the car for the final two.
“It’s fine.” I almost smiled at the word. With all four bags unloaded, I punched the alarm code and set about transferring the bags to the kitchen while Nick remained standing outside. He made another offer of help, which I duly turned down, trying not to notice the way his lips twitched in amusement. Finally done, I closed the front door in his face and headed for the kitchen.
I barely made it halfway when his jaunty knock made me smile. I schooled my expression and turned around, reminding myself that I didn’t need this man to be happy, even if my heart was telling me that it might be kind of nice, regardless.
I opened the door and looked him up and down as I would a stranger. “Can I help you?”
Nick hesitated, then grinned and ran his fingers through his hair, the threads of silver catching in the early afternoon sun and doing funny things to my stomach. “Can you help me?” he mused. “Now, there’s a question, Mister Church.”
I raised a brow. “Without an answer, it seems.”
His smile faded and he studied me for a long moment, looking more nervous than I’d ever seen him. “I’ve been a dick,” he said, those grey eyes locked on mine. “And I’d like to come with you to Melbourne if that’s okay. If it’s not, then I totally understand and I’ll leave again, if that’s what you want.” He took a breath, his gaze bouncing around my face like it didn’t know where to land. “I should have supported you. I should have talked about what was going on in my head. Instead, I made it all about me.” He grimaced. “Shocker, right?”
I swallowed the smile that wanted to break over my face because this felt far too important. We were building foundations here. Important ones. The basis for a possible future together. “Let me guess.” I cocked my head and raiseda questioning brow. “You had some help with that particular revelation, yes?”
Nick gave a one-shoulder shrug and sheepishly admitted, “Goes without saying, I think. We arsehole types tend to need that. Gazza called Samuel who then landed on my doorstep to rip me a new one.”
“Gazza?” I huffed in surprise, then turned at the sound of the hallway door softly closing. “You better skulk away and fast,” I called out. “We’ll talk about this later.”
Nick smiled. “Don’t be mad at him. He was worried about you, that’s all. Like I should’ve been instead of having my head up my arse.”
I snorted. “I’m not going to argue with you there. Is Gazza the reason you’re sitting out here?”
Nick chuckled. “That would be it. He wouldn’t let me put one foot inside the house without your permission.”
I finally smiled. “Remind me to give that man a raise... after I chew him out.”
Nick’s expression remained serious. “I’ve needed to apologise to you far too many times already, but once again, Iamsorry, Mads. I’m sorry I didn’t stay and talk things out because you’re right. This is about you and me, and if I shut you out, we’ll blow up before we even start.”
“What makes you think we haven’t already?” I said evenly, wanting to scare him a little, because there was no way I was going through that particular scenario again. There’d be plenty of other battles in our future. We were both stubborn men, but this push-me, pull-me had to stop.
“I...” He gave a small shake of his head. “Nothing, I suppose. If I’ve fucked this up beyond repair, then that’s on me. Samuel says I can’t get out of my own way, so this is me trying to. All I can do is hope you haven’t given up on me.”
I hadn’t but just admitting it felt too easy. I wanted him to sweat a little. “Why did you change your mind about following up on Lee? After everything we’d discussed those first couple of days after the boat?”
Nick pulled a face. “It sounds pathetic, but I just wanted it all to be over with. You were right about that too. I don’t like not being in control and I was being selfish. My life has been a mess these last few months, and I didn’t want another drama, especially one that put you back in danger. Partly because of the risk. Partly because I failed to grasp how important it is to you. Partly because I think it gave me an excuse to take a step back because I really don’t want to see the arseholes responsible for Davis’s death in person. I don’t fucking know how I’m going to handle that, and to be honest, it scares me.” His eyes left mine and danced nervously around the room. “It feels like I’ve been spoiling for a fight for months and I’m so fucking sorry that it’s coming out between you and me. You don’t deserve that.”
And oh fuck.I hadn’t even considered how Nick might feel seeing the men responsible for his husband’s death. I’d been totally oblivious. I hadn’t looked past my own selfish need to help Lee. I should’ve been more concerned about Nick. I’d fucked up.
I put a hand on his chest and waited for him to look at me. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t really consider the enormity of what I was asking you to do. I was too wrapped up in my own guilt. You have every right to not want to see those guys. I don’t blame you one bit. Maybe you should listen to those concerns of yours. Maybe we both should. I should’ve been thinking of you and I wasn’t. What does that say about me? About us? It’s starting to feel like we’re trying to force this relationship.”
