Page 39 of The Question of Us
This was Mads.MyMads. Kissing him and wanting more was as natural as breathing, as natural as it had ever been with Davis. There was no guilt. No comparison. No... confusion. I should’ve known that would be the case. Sex had never been just sex for me. It was always sexwitha certain someone.Theirscent,theirsound, the feel ofthemin my arms, as singular and particular as the way each one thought and looked and moved. Mads wasn’t Davis and Davis wasn’t Mads, and I was richer because of the difference.
Mads pulled away and looked at me. “What’s going through that big brain of yours, because I know something is?”
What indeed?I smiled and nuzzled my nose alongside his, my hands running up his back and under his arms until I was lifting him up on his toes. I pressed my lips against his ear and whispered, “WhatI’m thinking—” I pulled back to look at him. “—is that I want you to fuck me, if that interests you at all.”
He froze in my arms, his expression watchful. I almost smiled, wondering if it was the fucking bit or the topping part that had him most worried. Most men expected me to top, but I could go either way. Davis preferred me to top and that had been our norm. It was never an issue because we were great between the sheets. But something told me Mads was going to be a very different kettle of fish in bed, and just thinking about it stirred my blood in ways I couldn’t explain.
“You want me tofuckyou?” Mads looked at me sideways, a fiery heat licking at those green eyes, the promise of something I really hoped he could deliver on.
I kissed him again. “Yes. Was I unclear about that?”
He leaned back, more wary now. “No. You were perfectly clear. It just feels like a big leap from shower voyeurism to full-on fucking, wouldn’t you say?”
He was right, of course. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t ready. “I know.” I cradled his face. “You might say I’ve had a bit of a revelation.”
He arched a brow. “Oh, really?”
“Mmm.” I tilted his head and pressed a kiss to his throat. Then another. And another, until he groaned and yanked my hips to his, our hard cocks aligning in a delicious tease. Then he moved, grinding against me, slow and rhythmic, until I almost lost it on the spot.
“Hang on.” I stepped away with both hands raised. “There’s no way on earth I’m doing this half-clothed against a fucking wall or over a chair.”
“Is that right?” Mads stalked toward me.
I put my hand on his chest to keep him at a distance. “Yes, it is. I want you naked, lights on, spread-eagled on my bed. I want the all-inclusive, full-sensory Madigan experience, nothing less.”
He huffed in amusement. “Fine, but don’t blame me if you regret your life choices once you catalogue all my wrinkles and grey hair under such unforgiving conditions. Even my pubes have a platinum sheen to them in the right light. There’s a dimmer in my bedroom for a reason.”
It was my turn to laugh. “I assure you, there isnothingabout your body that I don’t already love.”
Mads shot me a somewhat startled look, and okay, I hadn’t necessarily intended to use that particular word.
I continued like I hadn’t noticed. “Besides, my body is in exactly the same stone-washed, lived-in, slightly distressed condition as yours. Plus, our vision is hardly what it once was. Soft focus is a wonderful thing, don’t you know? Now get your sweet arse in that bed.”
Mads chuckled. “You’re awfully bossy for a guy who wants to be topped. I can see we’re gonna need some ground rules.”
“More rules,” I groaned, feeling my cheeks heat. “I can’t wait.” I took his hand and pulled him into the bedroom where I dropped the air conditioning to freeze your balls off territory. If I wasn’t sweating like a pig by the end of whatever Madigan was about to do to me, I’d be hellish disappointed.
When we reached the bed, I fumbled in my toiletry bag for lube and threw it on the mattress. Then I turned and drew Mads into my arms. “You want a condom? I tested negative about six months after Davis’s accident, and no one since.”
Mads considered my question, then shook his head. “There’s been no one since Craig, and I was negative after him too. Five years and counting.”
I popped a gentle kiss on his lips. “How is that even possible? Someone as great as you?”
Mads dropped his head to my shoulder and his hands slid under my shirt, sending goosebumps fluttering up my back. “I’m difficult, haven’t you heard? A loner. Old before my time.” He tried to make it sound like a joke, but the hurt shone through.
I ran my nose up the side of his face and whispered frostily, “Fuck every single man who’s ever made you feel like that. They didn’t deserve a second of your attention. You’re worth everything, sweetheart.Every damn thing.And if those losers couldn’t see that, then that’s their loss. I, for one, am glad of their ignorance because it means I get to have you instead.”
Mads went still in my arms, like his every cell was attuned to my words, and I decided then and there to make it my mission to override those harping voices in his head.
He leaned back and looked at me quizzically. “Where didthatcome from?”
I shrugged, suddenly self-conscious. “Sorry if I spoke out of place. I just... I don’t know. I hate hearing you repeat that crap like it has any validity, even as a joke. They were wrong, Mads.” I held his face in my hands. “Every one of them was wrong. Theywere wrong then and they’re wrong now. They didn’t see you like I do. They didn’t see how fucking special you are. How there’s no one quite like you. And I’m going to keep reminding you of that until you stop repeating that shit like it has some kind of power over you. It’s a lie, Mads. Nothing but a lie.”
Mads’ eyes brimmed, his breathing sharp and shallow. He blinked furiously, but a few tears escaped, regardless. “Jesus, Nick.” He squeezed his eyes shut then opened them again. “You can’t just say stuff like that. I don’t... you have to... I can’t?—”
I kissed him to shut him up. Long and slow and achingly sweet. I slid a hand around the back of his neck, and he groaned into my open mouth, his tongue rolling against mine in a sinuous dance that cranked my shit as it always did. He tasted of beer, the tangy hot sauce from those loaded fries, and something distinctly and wonderfully him.
It was everything I craved, and when I’d tasted my fill, I rested our foreheads together and whispered, “I will never stop telling you how great you are.” I brushed his hair back from his face and met his gaze. “So, you better get used to it.”
