Page 27 of The Question of Us
Samuel chortled like that was the funniest thing he’d heard all day.
“But if Lee’snothappy,” I continued, “then I promise to call you before we decide what we’re going to do about it, okay?”
“No. Not really,” Samuel grumbled, “but I don’t appear to have any say in the matter, do I? Goddammit, what the hell is Mum going to say when she finds out?”
Nick winced. “Why the fuck does Lizzie have to know?”
“Really?” Samuel scoffed. “You really think she isn’t going to guess where you are after finding all three of you suddenly gone? Not to mention, Jerry and Lizzie are apparently best friends now, thanks to your little shenanigans a few weeks ago. My girlfriend and my mother sharing god knows what over a wine? My life has become a shitshow of epic proportions. And since I have a snowball’s chance in hell of keeping any of this from Jerry, Lizzie will know of it tout de suite. As will Madigan’s Aunt Shirley since she’s hooked up to their hotline as well.”
I looked frantically to Nick. “Really? Aunt Shirley? Okay, fine, but tell her not to mention anything to my brother. I can do without another of hisI’m so worried about youcalls.”
Samuel groaned. “So I’m on speakerphone, am I? You really are an arsehole, Nick.”
Nick shrugged. “Did I forget to mention that?”
“I’m switching to video,” Samuel muttered. “I want to flip you all off in person.”
Nick accepted the request and his brother-in-law appeared on the screen, his middle finger on full display.
“Nice.” Nick leaned the upright phone against the bedside lamp. “Now take a good look and tell me again that we don’t have a chance.”
Samuel’s wide-eyed gaze ran over the three of us before he fell back in his chair. His obvious shock would’ve been funny if he wasn’t so obviously pissed off with us. The others must’ve felt the same because none of us laughed.
“Jesus.” Samuel’s gaze returned to Gazza and lingered there as he absorbed the dramatic changes in his appearance. “If I didn’t know it was you, I’d never guess.”
I couldn’t have agreed more. Every time I looked at Gazza, I did a double take. Gone was the dark hair with its shock of pink at the front, and in its place was a spiky asymmetrical avant-garde style with a tight undercut and bleached tips. The new look did nothing to detract from Gazza’s beauty but was so startlingly different from his old cut that I’d been worried it would almost be too memorable and attract too much attention.
Mike, however, disagreed. He’d said that Gazza was too memorable anyway and that we should lean into that idea rather than try to dilute it. Just make him memorable in a different way. Hide him in plain sight, so to speak. And he’d been right. Even Australian immigration had taken some convincing he was the same guy as his passport photo. They went so far as to take him aside to check.
The haircut and colour had done most of the heavy lifting, but Mike had fine-tuned the rest of Gazza’s look as well. He had a much more casual dress style, hazel eye contacts, a beauty spot on his cheek, makeup covering his neck tattoo, and a quick lesson in changing the gait of his walk. By the time Mike was done, I doubt Gazza’s mother would have recognised him. And being the diva that he was, Gazza carried the whole thing offwith the required aplomb that dared anyone to think otherwise. The new Gazza would still have most of a nightclub’s patrons frothing to get into his pants, but they’d never guess he was the same person as the old Gazza. At least not for a while. And that was all we really needed.
Gazza stood and did a twirl. “What do you think?”
Samuel sighed. “It’s good. I’ll give you that. And you might actually have a chance at pulling this off. But as for you two—” He narrowed his eyes at Nick’s super short clipper cut, which surprisingly suited him, and the early stages of a beard intended to distract the eye from his face. Even the scar on the back of his head and jawline added a different quality to the man, a slightly dangerous one. Something my dick had definitely appreciated, a surprise all around.
“You look like a pretty thug,” Samuel concluded, and he wasn’t far off. Then he turned his attention to me and shook his head at the grey ponytail wig I’d chosen from Mike’s collection. “And you look like a sad ageing rocker.”
I chuckled. “I’ll take that. I drew the line at cutting my hair. Nick has a dark wig as well so he can change up his look if we get made.”
“Get made?” Samuel huffed in disgust. “You’ve been watching too many cop shows. But looking like that, if you keep your distance, neither of you should raise any immediate red flags. But you’re still gonna need to be super careful. Marty, but maybe more importantly, Freddie, his PA, won’t be fooled for long if you get too close. This is a dangerous fucking game you’re playing. You do understand that, right?”
“We do,” Nick acknowledged. “Refer back to the reasons I never wanted to do it in the first place.” He shot me a pointed look and I kicked him in the shin. “And we appreciate your help.”
Samuel harrumphed. “Stow it. If I knew what you were planning, I wouldn’t have been so goddamn helpful. I swear ifany of you do something truly stupid, I’ll have your balls nailed to my wall quicker than you can say Jack Robinson.”
Gazza frowned and looked between us. “Who the hell is Jack Robinson?”
Nick snorted, and Samuel rolled his eyes. “Is this guy for real?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” I answered. “Have you forgotten how old we are?” I turned and patted Gazza’s hand. “Suffice to say that particular adage is so old that nobody knows the actual answer.”
Gazza shook his head. “Then it should be retired—” He shot each of us a look. “—kind of like the rest of you. And who the hell says adage?”
“Can we get back to business?” Samuel’s gaze flicked between us, a look of resignation on his face. “You’re going to do this regardless, I can see that, so listen up. This is what’s going to happen. I’m going to call my police contact over there and let her know you’re in the country to satisfy lingering concerns you have about Lee. I’ll reassure her you’re under my strict instructions to stay above the law. She’s not gonna be happy, but it’s not like she can stop you either. But at least it’ll give you someone on the ground if things get hairy. I’ll text her contact details to you and vice versa.”
Nick glanced my way. “We don’t need?—”
Samuel interrupted. “Either we do this my way or I tell her your plans and she pulls the plug on the whole thing before you even get started. What’s it to be?”
