Page 18 of The Question of Us
Nick’s eyes widened. “No. No. I... I don’t think we’re forcinganything. It’s the opposite, in fact. Being with you is the easiest thing in the world, too easy if I’m honest. Maybe that’s halfthe problem. And not wanting to face the guys responsible for Davis’s death is only a small part of it all, maybe even an excuse so that I don’t have to face the real issue. That it’smewho’s screwing things up.”
I reached for his hand but he pulled it away. “Nick, please?—”
“No, let me finish,” he interrupted. “I don’t trust that I can give you what you deserve. That I won’t fuck it up. Or that you won’t eventually get sick of me and walk away. I’ve been looking for problems when they’re not there. Looking for an excuse because I’m so fucking bad at relationships and love and considering other people. And yes, there’s Davis too. But not in the way you think. I feel guilty fornotfeeling more guilty than I do about moving on with someone else, even though I know that’s what he’d want for me.” He finished on a choked cry.
I stepped closer and cupped his face, brushing my thumb over his damp cheek. “People haven’t always stuck around in your world, I know that. Your mother. Your father. Even Davis. I can’t promise that something won’t happen to me too, Nick, or that we won’t have problems like every relationship does. Maybe even big problems.”
Nick’s breath quickened and new tears gathered in his lashes. “I know. Samuel said the same. He said that I’ll lose you if I walk away. I’ll lose you if I push you away. And if I don’t do either of those, I might lose you anyway. So basically, I’m fucked any way you look at it, and all I really need to decide is whether I want to get to know you regardless of the risk.”
I traced his lips with my finger. “Samuel’s a smart man. What did you decide?”
Nick took my hand and kissed the tips of each finger before looking directly into my eyes. “I’m here, aren’t I? Or more accurately,weare.” He stepped aside, and for the first time, I registered the cat carrier sitting on the lawn in the shade.
How did I miss that?
My heart squeezed, because more than anything Nick had already said, the fact he’d brought Shelby with him was all I really needed to know. I crouched down and stuck a finger through the wire mesh. “Hey there, gorgeous girl.”
Shelby responded by rubbing her face against my finger and purring softly.
Nick snorted. “She’s a damn traitor is what she is. Bitched at me all the way home yesterday, and now look at her. She likes you way better than me.”
I scratched under Shelby’s chin. “She has excellent taste, that’s why.”
Nick barked out a laugh and my heart lifted at the sound. Dammit, I was so gone for this man. I lifted the carrier into the house and Shelby immediately bounced free and began scouting the place for any intruders while she’d been gone. I watched her go, then turned around to find Nick still standing on the doorstep.
“Does that mean I get to come in?”
I narrowed my gaze and leaned on the doorframe, blocking any entry. “Not yet. It means Shelby gets to come in. You and I aren’t done yet. We’re very different men, Nick, and not just you and me. Davis and me, as well. I’m not some puzzle piece that you can simply squeeze into that Davis-shaped hole you have in your life.”
Nick took both of my hands in his. “I know. And although I might not show it, I really like that the two of you are so very different.” He tipped my chin up, those grey eyes locking on mine, more vulnerable than I’d ever seen them. “I more than like it.” He took a deep breath. “I’m falling for you, Mads. Maybe even falling in love with you. And that includes every one of those differences you seemed so concerned about.”
I froze, shocked silent at words I never expected to hear so soon. Nick was cautious and stubborn, but most of all, he wasscared. Of me. Of us. Of what might happen between us. That he was all those things and he still found the courage to say he was falling for me meant every fucking thing.
He gave a soft huff and looked ridiculously relieved. “There, I’ve said it out loud and the world is still turning.” He tapped his chest. “And Davis is still here.”
Oh, God.I wasn’t sure I could get the words out without breaking down. “Is that what you’ve been worried about?”
He swallowed hard. “Stupid, right? I couldn’t imagine holding both of you in my heart at the same time. It didn’t seem possible, like one would cancel the other. That falling for you would mean losing some of him in the process, and I couldn’t do that. I’m losing enough of him as it is. All his different smiles. The sound of his voice when he’s tired, hungry, aroused, sad. Pieces of our life together falling away like paint chips off a landscape. It’s fucking awful, Mads.”
I went up on my toes and brushed my lips across his. “But now you know you can have both of us in your life at the same time.” I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. “I don’t believe we’re born with a finite amount of love in our heart and when it’s gone, it’s gone.” I kissed him again. “I believe love begets love. The more love you give, the more you have to give. It’s like the best fucking miracle.”
Nick’s hands slid around my waist, pulling me even closer. “And you don’t mind sharing my head and heart for a bit? It’s pretty crowded.”
I ran a finger down his throat to his chest and flattened my palm over his heart, over his owl. “I could never take Davis’s spot in your heart, and I don’t want to. That’shisplace. All I hope is to claim a small piece of it for myself one day. Davis is part of you and always will be. Hell, he’s the reason we even met. I’m not jealous of him; I’m thankful. He helped make you the man you are, and there’s a lot to love about that.”
Nick ran his fingertips up and down my spine. “But I’m still not an easy man to be with.”
I laughed. “And thank God for that. Perfection isnota turn-on, believe me. Besides, I’m not so bright and breezy myself.”
He pressed his lips to my forehead. “Maybe not, but I do want to do better. I promise I’ll try, even if I might need reminding from time to time. You know of anyone who might want the job?”
I took his chin between my fingers. “Yeah, I might know a guy. But I’m warning you, he doesn’t come cheap.” I kissed him again, long and slow until my toes curled in my jandals and my hands itched to get him out of those clothes.
Nick groaned and pushed me back against the doorjamb, his cock thickening in his jeans alongside mine as our bodies aligned. I fisted his shirt and yanked him into the house. “We need a bed—sorry, bedroom.” I dragged him through the lounge toward the hall.
Nick chuckled and swatted my arse. “I thought you had groceries to put away?”
I shot him an aggrieved look. “Are you fucking kidding me, right now?”
