Page 81 of My Three Hometown Firefighters
A twinge of confusion runs through me. I’m happy she wanted things this way, and wasn’t looking for something more serious, more committed. Right?Right?
It never would have lasted. There’s no way. Relationships in my life never last.Ever.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Sienna
MARCH
I lean backin my office chair with my hand resting on my small bump. I had been putting off getting new clothes for as long as possible.
I don’t know why I was determined to wear my regular clothes still, when most of them were getting uncomfortable, to say the least.
When a package showed up at my door filled with maternity and more comfortable clothes that wouldn’t strangle my growing bump, I was pissed. Grayson just kissed my forehead and told me to deal with it.
After wearing the new jeans for the first time, I reluctantly texted him a thank you because, honestly, I was being an idiot.
At nineteen weeks, my bump has popped. With my petite frame, it happened a little earlier than it does for some women.
I’m not complaining, though, because I actually love it. It’s a little reminder of why going through all of this is worth it, even when I feel like crap.
These last few months have kind of gone by in a blur. Once I got past the first trimester, I started to feel more like myself.
I’m still tired a lot of the time, but at least I don’t feel like puking at every random smell anymore.
It’s been a tricky balance of letting the guys in enough but keeping them at arm’s length to protect all of us. I don’t think I’m doing a very good job.
They’ve all been so willing to help at the drop of a hat with anything big or small.
Warren and Grayson have acted the same as when we were all hooking up, minus the sex part, of course.
They still give me hugs and kisses on the forehead. They’ll sit next to me on the couch or place their hand on the small of my back when I walk in front of them.
Tucker, on the other hand, has completely distanced himself. He’s still helped me at every turn, but I can’t even remember the last time he touched me.
I know it’s intentional. He’s pulling back more and more as time goes on.
I’m worried all of this is getting to be too much for him. One day, I think I’m just going to wake up and he’ll be gone for good. I couldn’t really blame him if it happened either, because this situation is far from normal or functional.
I can’t even bring myself to fully process what it would mean if the baby is his biologically, and it’s too much for him.
And what if he’s not the father?
That question has been floating through my brain the last few days. The thought of losing any of these men makes my heart squeeze tight.
I know I can’t realistically keep all of them to myself when I’m not even in a romantic relationship with any of them. Women are going to come into their lives at some point and give them each everything they want that I can’t.
Knowing all of this doesn’t change the way my poor heart aches at the mere thought of it, though.
With my glum mood in tow, I throw on my winter coat that isn’t going to fit me for much longer. It’s snowed several inches in the last few hours while I’ve been working in my office.
Stepping outside, I come to a halt when I see Grayson brushing the snow from my car.
“You didn’t need to do that,” I say, walking up to my car.
He just shrugs. “I didn’t want you doing it.” He points across the street at Kingston Hardware. “I was over there anyway.”
A million different replies about not needing help flash through my mind, but I tamp down the urge to use any of them.
