Page 80 of The One I Hate
“Fuck!” I yell, because he’s right. “But she had to know that I wouldn’t have done that to her! Why did she just assume that I would kiss her and then turn around and hook up with someone else?”
“Because sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Shockingly, not everything is about Simon Banks.”
Shane’s words hit me like a semi.
He’s right.
Back then, when Charlie would turn me down, I wondered what she didn’t like about me. She would never give me the time of day, but would date other guys.
After she ghosted me, I thought the same thing. What didIdo that made her run?
Maybe if I would’ve taken five seconds to think about someone other than myself, I would’ve realized this wasn’t about me. It was about her. About her insecurities. About how she thought she was so different from me. Or other girls.
Girls like my sister and her friends.
She tried to tell me so many times how she felt. Even that night on the roof. And I heard her. I did.
But maybe I didn’t…
“Dammit,” I say, sitting back down and holding my head between my hands. “This is so fucking jacked up.”
“It is,” Oliver says. “Imagine after all these years learning that, in a minute, your entire life changed.”
“That’s what I can’t stop thinking about. The what-ifs. What if the cops hadn’t come? What if we could’ve stayed on that roof all night? What if Maeve and her friends hadn’t come to town? What if her mom hadn’t been sick?”
Oliver clears his throat. “Or… What if this is how it was supposed to happen?”
Oh, please. “I’m not in the mood for your glass-half-full bullshit.”
“Just hear me out,” he says. “You can’t change the past. So there’s no point in dwelling. You could what-if yourself to death, and it looks like you’re already halfway there.”
“Make your point, Oliver.”
“What I’m saying is, maybe you two weren’t ready for each other back then. You have no idea what would’ve happened if you were together when her mom passed away. A death like that takes a toll on people in ways you can’t fathom. Add in the fact that she had to become her brother’s guardian? Come on, Simon. You two wouldn’t have survived that.”
“Yes, we would have.”
“You don’t know that and don’t pretend to,” Wes chimes in. “What Oliver is trying to say is that you both were young and in situations that neither of you could have handled with skill. And rightfully so. You were young and dumb and president of your frat. She was suddenly responsible for a household. Tell me those are good odds?”
Why are all my friends being right today? It’s fucking bullshit.
“This just…ah!” I yell as I pull at my hair. “I’m just so mad.”
“That’s valid,” Shane says. “No one’s telling you not to be mad. But, let’s go a layer deeper. What specifically are you mad about?”
I look over to him. “When did you become a shrink?”
“Humor me.”
“I’m…” I trail off because I suddenly realize I need to think about this. “I’m mad that she assumed.”
“Fair. What else?”
“I’m mad that I couldn’t help her. I’m mad that I couldn’t make her see how much I cared about her. I’m mad that she didn’t see herself like I did. And I’m mad that she had a really hard fucking life and I wasn’t there for her. I’m mad that she was forced to become so damn independent when I could have made it easier on her. I’m mad that I spent years wondering what was wrong with me. And I’m mad we’ve wasted years because of one fucking dumbass moment that changed the course of history.”
I look up from my monologue to see three sets of eyes looking at me like I’m the only one who doesn’t know the answer.
“What?”
