Page 66 of The One I Love
He shakes his head. “It wasn’t like that. Neither of us wanted commitment. She was fresh off a divorce, and I didn’t want anything serious. It worked for us.”
“Why weren’t you? Looking to date, I mean.”
That’s the one thing I’ve never understood about Shane. From day one of us, he’s been all in, headfirst, both feet in the water. But that energy didn’t match how he’s been in the past.
“Because they weren’t you.”
His words hit me so hard I think I’m about to fall back off this picnic bench. “Excuse me?”
He smiles and comes around to sit next to me. Good. He can catch me when I fall. “Since I can remember, the onlyperson I’ve ever wanted to be with was you. Any of those other women? They weren’t anything more than an itch to scratch. They weren’t ever going to be more than that. You though? You’re it. You’re my forever.”
Holy shit…
“Shane…I—I don’t know what to say.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t say anything. You don’t have to. And I’m not going to say anything more. I’ve had eighteen years to process my feelings for you.”
“Wait…” I think about for a second what was eighteen years ago. “Prom?”
He nods. “When I first saw you walking toward me in that blue dress, it hit me that the feelings I had for you weren’t friendly. Or like a sister. That was the first time I wanted to kiss you.”
Wow. I mean, I had an idea, but nothing this specific. “Really? You wanted to kiss me? I thought that didn’t happen until your party?”
He looks down, almost as if he’s embarrassed. “Nope. It happened in your driveway.”
Since we talked about it on our first date, I’ve thought about that night frequently. I remember the song. I remember the feel of the night on my skin. I remember feeling so comfortable in Shane’s arms. At that time, I thought it was just because I was with Shane, who was my best friend. Of course, I was going to feel comfortable with him. What would have happened if he would have kissed me? Our lives would have literally changed…
“Why didn’t you?”
He shrugs. “Rejection is scary.”
“Shane…I never knew,” I say, and I didn’t. I never had even the slightest inkling he had those kinds of feelings.
“I know you didn’t. And I didn’t say anything. I thought maybe that night could have started something for us, but…”
His words trail off, but then it hits me.
Two days after prom, Paul—the guy I wanted more than anything in life to notice me—asked me out.
And the rest they say is history.
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I was a dumb teenager who couldn’t see past the smile of the captain of the football team. And I swear, I had no idea that you?—"
“Don’t apologize,” he says. “Everything happens for a reason. Without Paul, as much as I want to punch him every time I see him, there would be no Luke and Mariah. And those two—though I’m biased—are the best damn kids in the world. I probably wouldn’t have gone off to the Army, which made me into the man I am today. I firmly believe what happened in the past is what was supposed to have happened. And we’re here.”
Shane pauses for a second, grabbing my hand and pulling me to his lap. “And here is pretty damn good.”
I don’t know if the words are even out of Shane’s mouth before I move in to kiss him. I don’t know what I did in this life to deserve this man, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Because he’s right. If he would have kissed me that night, everything would have changed. I don’t know if I would have gone out with Paul. Which meant I wouldn’t have had my kids. Who knows what else would have changed? I’d rather not think about that.
“Can I thank you for one more thing?” I say as I slowly pull back.
Shane’s hold gets tighter on me. “Sure.”
“Thank you for kissing me. Thank you for taking the risk.”
He smiles as our foreheads touch. “Best risk I’ve ever taken.”
