Page 13 of The One I Love
We both awkwardly laugh at our simultaneous attempts at filling the silence. But I’m glad that happened, because I honestly don’t know what I wanted to say. And not just in this moment, but likely the rest of my life.
It was one thing when this happened when we were younger. But this time is different. The kiss felt different. The moment was different. How I feel after feels different. The way he’s looking at me right now is different. And the biggest thing—I now have to live with the knowledge that my best friend just gave me the single best kiss of my life.
And I don’t know how I feel about that.
“You start,” I say, needing to put this on him. I mean, he’s the one who kissed me. It’s only fair.
Shane nervously puts his hands in his pockets as he looks down at the ground. I know him well enough to know that he’s taking his time and trying to figure out what to say. Shane isn’t a man of many words. But the words he does say are always pointed and honest. That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about him.
Now you can add kissing to that list…
“I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to do.” His voice is quiet as he slowly looks back up at me. My heart breaks the second his eyes meet mine. Without him saying another word, I can feel the torture and sadness running through his veins. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
We both take a seat on a nearby bench. Shane leans forward, his elbows resting on his legs as he stares at the ground.
“Which part?” I need to know this. My state of mind is dependent on this answer.
“Everything.”
My stomach immediately drops, which shocks me. I didn’t expect to have that kind of reaction. Yes, I wanted him to apologize for literally dragging me out of the reception. And I thought I wanted him to apologize for the kiss. Judging by the sudden ache in my gut, maybe I didn’t?
I’m so fucking confused. His kiss has confused me. Because how can something that felt so good also make you feel so…confused?
“Okay...”
“I don’t know what I was thinking by dragging you out here,” Shane says, still not making eye contact with me. “But I know that I was an ass, and I apologize.”
“Thank you for that.”
And I mean it. He did need to apologize for acting like a jackass. But I need him to address the kiss. Seventeen years ago we both walked away, never to speak of it again. I don’t think I can do that again.
I lean forward and tilt my head in his direction, forcing him to look at me. I need to see his eyes when I ask him this next question. “Anything else?”
Shane starts to say something but is interrupted bysomeone calling my name in the distance. We both look that way to see Anthony walking toward us.
“There you are,” Anthony says. “I didn’t know where you went.”
“I—” I start to respond with some bullshit excuse but Shane cuts me off.
“I needed her for a second,” he says. “One of her kids called her, but she didn’t have her phone, so they called me.”
I look to Shane, who clearly is a skilled liar along with being a skilled kisser. What else can this man do that I don’t know about?
“Everything okay?” Anthony asks.
I nod, still trying to get my bearings. “Yup. Everything’s fine.”
Anthony extends his hand for me. “Great. Ready to go back inside?”
I look over to Shane, then back to Anthony.
“Go,” Shane says with a nod. “We’re good out here.”
We’re good? What in the world is his definition of good? The man just tore me away from the wedding, kissed the hell out of me, apparently regrets it, and is now telling me to go about with my night like nothing happened? That is in no waygood.
I want to say more, but I don’t. Because Shane is saying everything with his eyes.
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
