Page 112 of The One I Love
I don’t say anything to Luke’s question, because I don’t have an answer.
“Nothing?” Mariah says, clearly exasperated. “You’re not going to say anything? Do anything? Uncle Shane, you’re better than this.”
“What do you want me to say, Pipsqueak? I messed up. I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Don’t Pipsqueak me,” she snaps, and just at that moment, she can’t contain her tears. They are coming out hard and heavy, and it’s breaking my heart with every second. “My whole life you’ve been the man who could do anything. The man who would always come through. You were my own personal superhero. The one I could always count on.Wecould always count on. And now you’re just going to, what, give up? That’s not my Uncle Shane. I don’t know this guy.”
Mariah pushes herself off the couch and sprints out the door. I stand up to go after her, butLuke stops me.
“Don’t,” he says. “You got off easy compared to what she told me she wanted to say to you on the way over here.”
I do as he says and sit back down. I hate the fact that in a matter of twenty-four hours I made two of the most important people in my life cry. But that’s what I get. It’s my punishment. And it’s still not enough.
“Luke, I am sorry,” I say. “I know I need to apologize. And more. I just…I don’t know what that is yet. And I don’t want to do the wrong thing. Or say the wrong thing. Or worse, make her think it’s not genuine, or that I’ve rushed this, and she rejects me.”
“I get that,” he says. “But don’t you love her? Don’t you want to make it right?”
“I do. I love your mom more than anything. I love you and Mariah. I hate this. I just…it has to be perfect. It has to be right. I don’t want to mess this up. I have one shot.”
“Isn’t that why you didn’t tell her how you felt for so many years?”
This stops all trains of thought. “Excuse me?”
“You told me that you didn’t ask Mom out in high school because you were scared of rejection. Or that you’d lose your best friend. Maybe both.”
Well shit…
Luke stands up, and I follow. “And weren’t you the one telling me about doing the scary thing? About taking the risk? Because you didn’t want to live with regret?”
Well, well, well…if it isn’t my own words coming back to bite me in the ass.
“Yes.”
“Then don’t. Don’t have the regret of not trying everything. Who cares if you fail? Just try. Because won’t you regret it if you don’t do anything? If you just assume you can’t fix it? Or think it needs to beperfect?”
I nod, getting exactly what he’s saying.
Luke returns my gesture as he starts walking back toward my door. I open it for him and he takes a step out, but turns to look back at me.
“When I heard her crying, I thought she had a fight with Dad,” he says. “I never even thought it was you. Not until we walked in and saw your face did I think it was you. Do you want to know why?”
I’m scared of what he’s about to say. “Why?”
“Because you promised.”
I tilt my head, confused about what he means. “Promised?”
“You said you’d never make her cry.”
I take back my earlier statement. This. This is the worst I’ve ever been hurt. That was the ultimate knife in the chest.
“I’m sorry,” I say, fighting back the tears about to spring.
Luke doesn’t say anything as he walks back to his car, a crying Mariah in the front seat, and I just sink to the ground.
Oh God, I’ve hurt them. So much.
I need to fix this. Somehow. And Luke’s right. I need to try everything.
