Page 110 of The One I Love
“What am I apologizing for? You’re the one who wants to tell everyone this is fake. That’s your decision. I’m just going along for the ride.”
Yup. Should have been careful about what I wished for.
“You’re the reason we’re here in the first place!”
There. I said it. And I’ll probably regret it at some point, but not now.
“So now it’s my fault?” he asks.
“Well, I’m not the one who told Paul we were engaged. No, that was you and your merry band of brothers.”
“Fine. I’ll take that,” he says, his face now fire red. “But that doesn’t change the reason for this entire argument.”
“And what would that be?”
“That you don’t want to marry me.”
I shake my head. “I never said I didn’t want to marry you. I just said that I didn’t want to marry younow. There’s a difference.”
I think a vein is about to pop out of his head. “Quit fucking mincing words, Amelia. Why won’t you marry me?”
“Because you never asked me!”
There. That’s it. The root of the problem. He never said the words. He never asked me the question. He suggested we do something that was an idea born out of a lie.
But he never asked me.
“Are you kidding me?”
I shake my head as the tears come hot and heavy. “You didn’t. You didn’t ask, Shane. You told my ex-husband we were engaged, I said let’s go along with it, then you suggested we just do it. There was never a question in there. And you want to know where my mind went? Back to me at eighteen, pregnant, and being forced into a marriage. And I’m not doing that again. I refuse.”
He looks away and doesn’t say anything. Which I could have guessed was going to be his reaction. Another flashback in the history of Shane and Amelia.
I take a few breaths to calm myself. Because I want him to hear this. Ineedhim to hear this. “I’ve wanted you to come to this conclusion for yourself for weeks. But you haven’t. So here it is. I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to build our family together. But not like this, okay?”
He doesn’t say anything, which again, no surprise.
“Do you remember all those years ago when we were sitting on Simon’s porch, the night before you left for the Army, and you asked me whether or not I wanted to marry Paul?”
“Yeah.” His word is so soft I could barely hear him.
“Do you remember what I said?” I don’t wait for him to respond. “You asked me what I wanted. And when I told you it didn’t matter, I believe your exact response was, ‘the fuck it doesn’t.’ So yes, it was my decision for this to be a secret. It was my idea to do this stupid fake engagement. It’s also my idea to make sure we do something because we both want to. Not because one of us does. Or we think it’s the easy fix. But because both of us, mutually, want to be together for the rest of our lives.”
I walk and grab my keys off his end table and sit back down next to him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “I love you. But I’m going to leave, because we both need time to think. And to cool off. We need to make sure this is what we want. And not because of whose feelings we’re sparing, or pride, or what we think everyone else wants. Because of what we want. Both of us. No one else.”
I start to get up but Shane grabs my hand, stopping me from taking a step.
“I love you,” he says. I see his eyes watering, and I know I need to go. If I see this man break down I’ll lose it.
“I love you too,” I say. “Call me when you know what you want. What youreallywant. When you’ve thought everything through. You waited for me. Now it’s my turn to wait for you.”
Chapter 34
Shane
In all theyears I’ve had the photos on my mantel, I don’t think I’ve ever just stared at them. Since Amelia walked out yesterday, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off the photo of us. It’s been staring at me. Taunting me. Making me face the woman whom I’ve let down so badly.
Because that photo happened to be taken the day that everything changed, I can’t stop thinking about if I did the right thing that night. In some ways, I did. I might not have done it the best way, but finally showing her how I feel led me to a happiness I’ve never known.
