Page 101 of The One I Love
“This is just as much my fault as any,” I say. “I was so desperate to control the situation, and now it’s completely out of control. If I would have just allowed us to come out with the truth at first, maybe it wouldn’t have blown up like this.”
“No one could have seen this coming,” he says as he sitsback up, but makes sure to take hold of my hand. “I guess all we can do now is regroup. Figure out what to do next.”
I nod. “You’re right.”
Except neither of us say anything. We sit on my couch in total silence. I’m begging my brain to come up with something, anything, to figure out how to control this situation, but I can’t think of anything.
“Option one,” I begin. “We sit our mothers down. Tie them to a chair if we need to. And tell them that we are together. We are dating. But the engagement was a lie that spiraled out of control.”
Shane shrugs. “Would they believe us? At this point they probably would just think that we’re trying to get them to quit planning the wedding.”
“True, or if they do believe us, they won’t let up. Remember how hard they pushed for us in high school to date? This would be that times a thousand.”
“So what I’m hearing is letting them believe this is actually the best option?”
“I don’t know if it’s the best, but it’s not worst.”
“Okay.” Shane pauses before his eyes light up with an idea. “You said everyone in town chose your side in the divorce, right?”
“Yes. Well, everyone except Paul’s mother, Jessica, her crew, and a few of his old high school buddies.”
“So enough people that if we came out and said that we aren’t getting married…”
“It will get back to him and he’ll gloat for months. That is, without a doubt, the last option.”
I know this is insane right now, but I need my pride. And I need Paulnotto say I told you so.
“You’re right.” Shane goes quiet for a second, and I figure he’s trying to come up with a solution. That’s what I’mdoing. More specifically, trying to figure out how to gently tell our mothers, and the town, what happened with the least amount of collateral damage.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I look over to Shane, whose head is now resting on the back of the couch. “Sure.”
“What if this wasn’t fake?”
Now that makes me sit straight up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what if we just did it?”
“Get married?”
“Yeah. Get married.”
I blink a few times to make sure this is real. I even bite the inside of my cheek to make sure I didn’t fall asleep on the couch out of mental exhaustion. Because no way is Shane asking me this. Not like this. Not on my couch out of desperation.
“Because we can’t.”
Judging by the confusion on his face, I don’t think that was the answer he expected. “Why not?”
“Because!” I say, standing back up. I need to pace again. “We just started dating. Despite that yes, this feels easy and I love you, we’ve barely been together three months. And you want to get married because we started a secret, that turned into a lie, that is now completely out of our control? How is that going to help anything?”
“Yes, it does fix things, but that’s not why I want to marry you.” Shane stands up from the couch and puts his hands on my shoulders as I pass by, stopping me from my pacing. “I want to marry you because I love you. I want to marry you because I want to start our life together. This might not be how I envisioned it, but what if this is just the way it was supposed to happen?”
I shake my head and walk away from his hold. “No, Shane. I love you. I do. But we aren’t ready for that kind of step.”
“What do you mean we’re not ready?”
“We’re not!” How can I make him see this? How does he not see this? “I wanted time for us to date. To get to know each other as a couple. Which we did, and we still are. Just because I know what side of the bed you like now doesn’t mean we’re ready to get married.”
