Page 94 of The One I Need
“Come here,” I say, bringing her closer so she’s now on my lap. I need to make sure she’s listening loud and clear for this. “You, Izzy McCall, are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. And I thought that before today. Now? You’re a fucking goddess. Of course your past is going to come into play. That’s how life works. Past traumas will always come back. But now you have to make a decision. Do you keep letting them have a say so, or do you tell them to go fuck themselves and send them to the curb?”
This makes her laugh through the tears. “I want to tell them to go fuck themselves, but I might need some help. I don’t know if I can do it on my own.”
I take her chin in my fingers, holding her to make sure she’s looking directly at me. “I told you before and I’ll tell you again. I’m here. I’m always going to be here. Tell me what you need, and I’ll move a mountain to do it.”
Izzy takes her hands that are already around my neck and pulls me in closer. We’re inches apart. I can feel her breath. I can feel her pain. I can feel her emotions pouring out of her.
“Help me move on, Oliver. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
Chapter32
Izzy
I always wonderedwhat it would be like on the day that I finally let that all out. That I let every word, every emotion, every memory leave my body. I wondered if I would feel free. Or maybe empty? That the only thing I’ve been filled with for the last sixteen years was this trauma.
The answer is none of those things. I feel gutted, but somehow in a good way. Like the only way I’m going to heal is if I bleed completely out, only to be put back together again.
And Oliver’s the only one who can help me do that.
I bring him in closer, kissing him like I’ve wanted to kiss him for weeks now but wouldn’t let myself do. He responds at first, wrapping his arms tighter around waist, before pulling away.
“What?”
“Are you sure?” he asks. “You just told me something I know couldn’t have been easy for you to do. I just don’t want you to regret anything because you did something out of emotion and feeling raw.”
I turn, straddling Oliver so I can look him dead in the eye. “I haven’t felt real emotion in years. I couldn’t handle it. But I want to. I need to. I want to feel again, Oliver. You’re the only one who can help me do that. You’re the one I need.”
That’s all I have to say. His lips are back on me in a heartbeat, his tongue invading my mouth in the most welcomed way. I don’t know if someone can actually breathe life back into a person, but I think that’s what Oliver’s trying to do. And if anyone can, it would be him.
Without breaking our kiss, Oliver picks me up slightly, repositioning us on the bed. His mouth slowly starts kissing across my cheek, down my jaw, and back across my neck. His kisses are so soft and sweet I immediately feel goosebumps all over my body. Especially now as he’s kissing his way down my breast bone as he gently, one by one, unclasps each button on my shirt.
“So beautiful,” he says as he pushes the blouse off my shoulders and down my arms. His mouth immediately starts kissing each of my breasts as he unhinges the clasp and tosses it to the side. No. This isn’t kissing. This is worshipping. The way Oliver’s mouth is taking its time, yet also savoring each moment, is making me feel a way I never have before. Is this what feeling is like? Or is this just what truly being with Oliver is like?
I have a feeling it’s the second.
“Oliver,” I moan, letting my head fall back as he continues to suck, kiss, and massage my breasts. “More. Please give me more.”
He lifts me up slightly to lay me down, slowly and methodically bringing my pants and panties down, leaving me naked and exposed on the bed. Oliver doesn’t follow. Instead he stands over me, looking over me with the most…I don’t know what this look is. I know for a fact I’ve never been looked at that way before.
Is it reverence? Adoration? Love?
No. It can’t be. Could it?
Is it? Would I know it if I saw it?
No, I don’t think I would. How do you know something if you’ve never seen it? If you’ve never truly felt it. Or what you thought was love was nothing of the sort.
Or maybe I do know it, but I’ve been denying its existence…
What I’m feeling right now as Oliver looks down on me, his hand slowly stroking himself as he’s looking at me in a way that makes me feel every cell in my body. Any man I’ve been with since Matt, I never let them see me like this. The lights were always off. Sometimes all the clothes didn’t even come off. It was quick and transactional.
But it’s never been like that with Oliver. Even our first time there was something different. I knew it, but I didn’t want to believe it.
Now? I don’t know if I believe it yet, but for the first time in over a decade, I’m thinking there might be a chance.
“I’m ready,” I say, the words having multiple meanings. Judging by the change in Oliver’s expression as he comes down next to me on the bed, he knows it too.
“Then you have one job tonight. Lay back and feel. Let me take care of you.”
