Page 54 of The One I Want
We both fall silent. Neither of us move until I see Wes reaching for the blanket. I hold up the corner, allowing him to come under it with me, both of our legs now covered.
“I’m divorced.”
His words are so quiet it’s barely above a whisper.
“You are.”
“She left us,” he says.
“She did.”
I know I’m not saying much, but what do I say? That I’m sorry? That he’s better off without her? Heisbetter off without her. So are the kids. But I don’t think those opinions are what he needs right now.
“Have you let it out yet?” I ask.
He tilts his head to the side, and I don’t think that’s because of the booze. “Huh?”
“Have you let it out? Have you screamed? Have you cried? Have you punched the wall? You’re allowed to be angry, Wes. You’re allowed to be sad. And you’re definitely allowed to be mad. But have you done any of those things? Truly. I’m sure there have been pockets where you’ve let a little out, but is it still inside you? Are all of those feelings about to erupt?”
He looks up at the sky, clearly thinking. “I did a few times. With the guys. When she first left.”
“But you haven’t tonight?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “No. I didn’t want to talk about her.”
“That’s understandable,” I say. “But Wes, you can’t keep it in. I know you put on a tough front for the kids. And because you don’t want anyone to see you down. But don’t hold it in. Let it out. Right here, right now. Get it out.”
He looks over to his parents’ house, back to the field, then back to me. “I’ll wake everyone up.”
I shrug. “Who cares? Go ahead. Get it out.”
Wes just sits there, not talking or moving. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he is good. Maybe he has let it out in private. But then, just when I think he’s not going to say anything, he says what I have to know has been sitting on his chest for two months.
“Fuck her!”
I nod. “There it is.”
He stands up, throwing the blanket off his lap. “She didn’t fucking love me, Betsy. She loved my fucking money. She blamed me for the life we had. Do you know how fucking angry that makes me?”
“I can only imagine.”
“Everyone says they saw it. The guys just told me that she was a bitch to them at our wedding, and the years after, but they never said anything. Hell, for years my dad has been trying to tell me she’s not who I think she is. She played me for a fucking fool, Betsy. A fucking fool! I’m angry at her. I’m angry at myself. I’m just…fucking…angry.”
I don’t say anything because I can read a room. And I’m going to let him say whatever he needs to.
“I loved her at first sight. I loved her so fucking much. We had a family. She made me a dad. And all that time she was fucking playing me.”
I really want to say something about today, but I don’t.
“I hate her, Betsy. I didn’t before, but I do now. I don’t know when she became this person, but I can say for certain that if this is who she was the whole time, Ineverwould have married her. You should have seen her face today when she was told she wasn’t getting as much money as she thought she was.”
“I bet it was as good as when I told her she was a skinny bitch,” I mutter.
He looks over at me. “What?”
Shit. I shouldn’t have said that. “Never mind. Carry on.”
“I just want to scream, you know?” he says, now in a full-on pace back and forth across my yard. “I’m angry for me. I’m heartbroken for the kids. I’m glad she’s out of our lives. I just…I want to fucking yell.”
