Page 46 of The One I Want
He lets out a breath. “I wouldn’t have stopped either.”
We sit in silence for a second, our eyes locked onto each other. I think we’re both wondering what would have happened. What would it have felt like to feel his lips against mine? How far would it have gone? One kiss? A couch make-out session like we were in high school? I don’t think we would have slept together, but how close would we have gotten? Because I don’t know if you can just kiss a man like Wes Taylor.
“But we did stop,” I say. “And you’re right. The kiss would have changed everything. And probably not in a good way.”
There’s lie number one. Because I think in a different situation, and a different time, that kiss could have been everything. And maybe the old Betsy would be saying “fuck it” right now and just let the cards fall where they may. But I can’t do that now. I won’t. He means too much to me. Thisfamilymeans too much to me.
“It would have,” he says. “I know we wouldn’t have told the kids, but I’m sure they would have picked up on something. Emerson would have noticed in a day. Magnolia would just ask us questions until we cracked. Stopping was for the best.”
An awkward silence falls between us, which hasn’t happened since the first night we met. I know he’s right. I might not like it, but he is. I love this job. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m making a difference. I feel like I’m helping these three amazing kids, and their equally amazing dad. I might not be their teacher or a coach, or even a parent, but I feel like I’m helping them navigate life, and that’s a damn good feeling. So he’s right, we can’t risk ruining this just for a kiss.
Even though I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly in my entire life.
“I do need you to know something,” Wes says, breaking the silence.
“Please tell me the next words out of your mouth was that you were in an all-boys hip-hop troop when you were younger and there’s video evidence.”
That lightens the mood. “Not even a little bit.”
“Too bad. That was the only thing I could think of that was going to top my beauty queen days.”
He has to take a second to catch his breath from laughing. “What I was going to say was, I hope you know that me thinking that we shouldn't kiss has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.”
That takes me back. “I mean, doesn’t me being the nanny have something to do with it?”
“Well, yes,” he says. “That’s part of it. You’ve become invaluable to me. My kids think you walk on water. And as Emerson told me in not so many words yesterday, I better not do anything to make you leave us.”
I smile and shake my head. “I’m not leaving until you kick me out.”
“She’ll be glad to know that. But what I was going to say,” he stops and takes a breath, grabbing my hand. I wish he wouldn’t do that. I wish he’d quit being so damn sweet. And also making me feel things that I don’t want to feel anymore but have no control on how to turn it on and off. “I was going to say that I’m a mess, Betsy. In two weeks I’m going to be finalizing my divorce. I’m about to retire from football, which means I have no idea what I’m about to do with my life. I’m living back in my hometown. The only reason my kids are alive, bathed, and fed is because of you. You should be with someone who doesn’t have more baggage than an airport. A kiss is all I could have given you, and you deserve a man who can give you the world. Not a guy who doesn’t know what day of the week it is.”
I feel my heart breaking as Wes talks. I hate that’s how he sees himself. Because that’s not the man I see. And he needs to know that.
You know, from a friend.
“Well, I don’t see that,” I say, not removing my hand from his. Because apparently I’m a glutton for punishment. “I see a man who is getting a fresh start. I see a man who could have crumbled at his situation, but instead he picked himself up and did what was needed for his family. I see a man who is thinking about everyone but himself to make sure they are getting what they need. And, I see a man who deserves to be loved. Who shouldn’t settle for anything less than epic, once in a lifetime, can’t write it in a movie, kind of love. That's what you deserve, Wes. Nothing less than that.”
I start to stand up, because I’m three seconds away from crying. But Wes’s hand pulls me back down to the couch.
“I wish I could be what you see me as.”
I give his hand a squeeze and pull it away. “You are. One day you’ll realize it. And the woman that gets to be on the receiving end of it, she’s going to be the luckiest woman in the world.”
Chapter19
Wes
I pullinto the mediator’s office and just sit and stare. Today is the day. Today I’m going to be officially a divorced man.
I’ve said that phrase to myself over and over all morning, and while I have no problem with that being one of my new titles, I also still can’t believe I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, Cara has shown her true colors over the past few months in how she has acted and treated the kids, and if this is who she’s choosing to be, I don’t want to be married to her.
I check my phone before I go in and see a bunch of messages I missed in the drive up to Nashville. The first is from my mom, telling me good luck. The second is the group chat with the guys, each of them giving words of encouragement. Except Simon. He just texted the champagne bottle emoji.
Then there’s one from Betsy.
Betsy: Thinking of you today. Be strong and know this is the first step to moving forward.
Betsy: Oh, and later there is a surprise for you. Don’t worry about the kids. I got them.
