Page 107 of The One I Want
“And you know what the perfect job for me is?”
“Yes. Because you told me this is what you wanted to do. This was the only line of work you actually liked,” Wes says. “Did you not tell me that just a few months ago?”
“Yes,” I say, hating that he’s right. Also how dare he use my own words against me. “But that was then. Before I started the channel and theForUpage with Magnolia. Before I found what I was meant to be doing with the people I love doing it with.”
Does he not hear me? Didn’t we have this exact argument last night or am I hallucinating?
“This is what you’re meant to be doing?”
“Yes!” I scream because I feel like that’s the only way he’s actually going to hear me. “I love getting to share this with her. I love watching her brain work and come up with ideas. Why can’t that be enough for me?”
“You’re seriously going to tell me that you enjoy making videos with a six-year-old? That doing hair and twirling around in clothes is your idea of work?”
My eyes double in size. “Watch it. You’re treading very close to the line of stupid shit you say when you’re mad that you can’t take back.”
He stops for a moment, running his hand over his mouth.
“Why are you so angry about this?” It’s the question that’s been on the tip of my tongue since last night. “Should I have told you about it? In hindsight, yes. And I’ll apologize for that. But this? You trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t want? I thought you knew me, but clearly you don’t.”
“I know you better than anyone.”
“Bullshit,” I say, needing to stand up. “You’re assuming again. It was cute before but now it’s just pissing me off.”
“Pissing you off?” he yells. “I’m trying to help you.”
“Help me? How in the world are you helping me?”
“To make you see what you want!”
“I wantthis, you asshole!”
What is not processing for him? Why is he being so damn insistent on this?
“What has gotten into you?” I ask. “Where is all of this coming from? And I swear if you say because you think it’s right for me I’m going to lose my shit.”
He looks at me, frustration written on his face. And…is that sadness?
“Because.” He pauses before continuing. “I don’t know if you’re thinking about the future.”
“The future? Do I all of a sudden have a crystal ball to see what’s going to happen in the future?”
“Yes. The future,” he says. “Yes, what you and Magnolia are doing is fun right now. But is that sustainable? What about five years from now? Ten? Twelve? You aren’t thinking about the long term, so I’m trying to do it for you.”
I open my mouth to say that I clearly don’t need him to do anything for me when something he said hits me…
Twelve…
Holy shit.
“So that’s it,” I say. “You think I’m going to leave.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to, Wes. I’m not Cara. You think that after we’re together for a while I’m going to up and leave you too. Wow. I didn’t realize you had that little faith in me.”
“I don’t think—”
I hold up my hand. “No. Clearly you do. And all of this, the assumption of what I want, the pushing me away, you’re trying to get ahead of this. Don’t you want me here? I thought you loved me?”
