Page 10 of A Kingpin's Weakness
RJ said as he walked back toward me, handing over a small, folded note. We moved together, silently, toward Noah’s room. Jo trailed behind us, slower now her usual bravado slipping into something that looked like fear.
I unfolded the paper. Written in sharp, confident handwriting:
The first one to talk to him
888-658-2869
My heart dropped a little. I already knew who it was from. Still, I asked.
“How do you know him?”
I looked at RJ, searching his face for signs, something that would tell me if Seth was someone I could actually trust or just another man who talked smooth and moved slick.
“Josh works for him,” RJ said, eyes still facing forward.
Josh was his older half-brother. I knew of him. Everyone did. While RJ came from the kind of home I used to dream about having, which was two loving parents, a fridge always full, Josh had jumped headfirst into the streets. He chose chaos. I never understood how two people could grow up under the same roof and become polar opposites. But then again, Jo and I existed, too. I stared at the note again.
“What does the paper mean?”
“He wants to talk to Noah before Ronnie does,” I answered. “Wants to see if the stories line up.”
A heavy silence fell between us for a few steps.
“Can I trust him?” I finally asked, voice lower than I intended. I wasn’t even sure if I was asking RJ or myself.
RJ paused, just slightly. “He’s not like Ronnie but he’s not clean either.”
That didn’t help. Not really. My first instinct was to pack Noah up the moment he could travel, take him back with me, and never look back. But my gut told me Seth wasn’t done with us. Not yet.
Jo walked into the room, took one glance at Noah, and spun right back out.
“I can’t do this. I can’t see my baby like this!” she shouted in the hallway. But I knew what that meant. That was code for: I need to get high.
She was already scratching and shifting in the waiting room, her skin crawling with the itch that only a hit could scratch. She didn’t have the strength to stay clean, not even for Noah.
“I’m sorry,” RJ said gently beside me, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
The moment I saw Noah pale, still, with tubes running from his body, I just broke.
Right there in his arms, I crumbled.
"Why are we so fucked up?” I cried, fists balled against his chest. “Why can't I just have a normal family?"
"Jo is fucked up. Not you,” RJ said, steady and sure, pulling me away just enough to look me in the eyes before guiding me into the chair beside Noah’s bed. He sat down next to me, never letting go of my hand.
“I’m fucked up too, RJ. ” My voice cracked as guilt poured out of me. “I’ve been running from this life since I turned eighteen. I left him. I left Noah. I knew what it was like growing up with Jo. I knew. And the moment I got my chance, I dipped. I thought I could manage it all from thousands of miles away, and I couldn’t. I should’ve come back sooner.”
“Everything isn’t on you, Stormi.”
I let out a breath like it hurt to release. "I've always been the adult. Jo’s been sick since I was a child. I’ve been raising her and him."
RJ leaned closer. “You did what was best for you, and that’s not a crime. Noah's not a baby anymore. Even if Jo influenced him, he’s old enough to know right from wrong. You offered him a way out, remember? You gave him a chance to leave with you. He chose to stay.”
I knew RJ was right, but it didn’t stop the ache in my chest. Didn’t stop the voice in my head whispering you should’ve done more.
“If Seth says he just wants to talk to Noah, you can trust him.”
RJ's words hung in the air. I didn’t respond. Didn’t look up. I kept my face buried in his chest, tears soaking his shirt, letting him hold me the way he had so many times before when Jo was tweaking, when the power got cut off, when Noah was crying in the next room and I didn’t know how to comfort him. RJ had always been the safe place I could fall apart in. And right now, I needed that more than ever.
