Page 26 of Shadebound
He nodded. “But using you to feel okay for one night was.”
“It wasn’t,” I said, voice tighter than intended. “Zayden, I wanted you there. I wantedyou. What pissed me off wasn’t that night—it was waking up alone. It was losing you again.”
His jaw twitched as he rubbed the inside of his wrist, like his cuff was hiding something else entirely. “They arrested me at sunrise. I didn’t have a choice.”
“I know that now.” My voice almost cracked. “But I also know you could have left me a note. Even just a quick thing to say hey, I’ve been arrested. I’m not abandoning you.”
There was no point in mentioning the last eight months I’d spent plotting his death and fantasising about how I’d torture him for hurting my feelings.
I’d spent the entire time he was gone planning how I’d kill him, down to the minute. I’d imagined dragging him to hell with my bare hands. But here he was. Warm. Laughing. Offering me a blanket. Best not to complicate things further. Not when it seemed we were going to go back to being... besties, as my sister would have said.
A horrid word. Sickening, really. But true in this instance.
“I realised that as soon as I got here.” He ran a hand over his face. “But I swear I was thinking about... about other things. I wasn’t actively trying to hurt you. I just lost track of the time, and my mind was fucked.”
“Which again, I can understand. But it still hurt,” I sighed, explaining myself a little. “Losing Bells damn near killed me. You were one of the few reasons I held on. And then... suddenly you were gone too. That didn’t help.”
He was quiet for a beat, then asked, “Is that why you think you did what you did? Why you killed all those people? Did it contribute to that?”
“Amongst other things. Yeah.”I nodded as I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, the few tendrils of pink mixed in with my black almost enough to burn me.
I’d done it for Bells. Just two front pieces of my hair. The exact shade of bubblegum she’d had.
I hated it. But I needed it. I needed a piece of her with me at all times. Far more than her currently missing necklace, or magic stones.
As though sensing my little internal spiral, Zayden lifted a hand. With careful gentleness, he trailed his fingers along my cheekbone. His touch was featherlight, like he wasn’t sure if he had the right to do it. For a second, I wanted to lean in—to press into the warmth and let it mean something—but I forced myself to stay still. It was so soft it barely registered. But my body noticed—skin prickling, breath catching, like every nerve had woken up just to feel him again.
“For what it’s worth, Heartache,” he said, “I’ve missed you every single moment.”
“So did I,” I breathed, as I stepped back and watched his fingers fall.
He grinned after, like he was trying to play it off, like it hadn’t just been the rawest thing either of us had said.
I didn’t usually do emotions. I didn’t know what to do with care and love when they weren’t weapons. They were still strange things in my hands. But I knew how to say just enough that he would understand me. Hopefully.
He looked like he was about to say something else, but the door creaked open before he could. It scraped along the stone with a low, steady sound, like a warning for us to stop being hideously emotional.
Zayden offered a smile. “Oh yeah, meet your new favourite roommate. Other than me, of course.”
I frowned. “Who?”
The door swung wide.
And Maya Cordeaux stood there. The last woman I’d ever expected to see.
She looked like the ocean dreaming of violence. Long, shiny blue hair in intricate braids, tiny shells and crystals woven through. Her eyes were neon, otherworldly blue that practically glowed in the dim light. Her skin shimmered faintly, as if something iridescent lived beneath it, like scales that weren’t always visible but wanted to be. She wore blue and iridescent loungewear. Sleek and clingy, like it was made for both lounging and combat. It glinted with movement, giving the impression of liquid pooled sunlight whenever she shifted her weight.
She broke into a grin instantly. “Well, well. Look what the tide dragged in.”
I stared—not because I didn’t recognise her. I did. Immediately. Maya had been my sister’s best friend. Bells’ shadow and twin flame. At some point in their teenage years, it had become more. Until the pair were so hideously in love that I had felt sick every time I saw them smile. She’d been at our house more than not, curled on couches, floating in the pool, dancing barefoot in the garden at midnight. Laughing at things no one else thought were funny.
Crying in silence the night Bells died.
And now she was here.
Now I was seeing her for the first time since my sister’s funeral just over a year ago.
There was something comforting in seeing Maya again. A fragile link to a past I didn’t let myself think about. A glimpse of a time that hadn’t been so steeped in blood. But it hurt too—seeing her was like opening a wound I’d kept stitched shut. A reminder of what I’d lost.WhoI’d lost. And a part of me hated that she was here. I hadn’t known she was at Mors. I hadn’t asked about her since the funeral. I hadn’t noticed her being missing from my life. She was just... here now. And it made something in me ache with guilt. Because she deserved more than that.
