Page 37 of Shadebound
“Morning, Jinxy.” Maya hummed. “Are you okay?”
“Well, I spent half of the night thinking that I wanted to throw myself out of a window.” I answered honestly. “I wondered if it would work or if I would become a meta-shadebound.”
She stopped humming and lowered her hairbrush. I spotted the dark circles under her eyes and pursed my lips.
“Is your mental health bad, or is it just from the room and your first real day here?” She asked.
“The room.” I replied, blinking slowly enough to dry out my eyes even more than I had during the hours spent staring at the ceiling or reading poetry in the dark. “The people, too. My mental health is at the same level as always.”
I didn’t bother to mention that my mental health was always somewhere in the murky black zone. It seemed easier to blame the room.
The dormsweremiserable. Thirteen bunks jammed into one stone-walled room really did fuck with your privacy. Worse for my lack of magic senses keeping me safe from any irritants. I’d seen prisons with more charm. Even with three bunks of my mystery roommates clearly unused and most of the others still occupied by sleeping bodies, it was gross waking up with so many people so close to me.
I wanted to scream into the void. But I did not scream. Instead, I just continued to blink at the ceiling, calling to the abyss of death to take me from this hellscape.
Death chuckled in the back of my head. It was the only reason I didn’t throw myself off the bed and test out my window theory for real.
I liked that he understood me. It made me calmer.
As I forced myself to sit up, the cuff on my wrist pulsed, digging in just enough to remind me it was still there. Still poisoning me. Still preventing me from making sure Fiore died a painful death.
My magic was barely a whisper now. Even that tiny effort last night—sending Silk after Draven for half an hour—had drained me to the point of collapse. Every pulse of magic echoed through bone, scraping me raw from the inside out. I was shattered. Absolutely fucking shattered.
I managed to get back to sleep about three hours after Fiore’s unwelcome disruption. But it hadn’t been restful. My sleep was fitful at best—interrupted by the bitter memory of him pinning me down. Every time I drifted off, my mind dragged me back to that moment. To that feeling of utter helplessness that I’d never felt before. To make it worse, that stupid bastard shifter had the audacity to sleep soundly while I replayed every second of his threat on loop.
I fantasised about ruining his day. No, his entire week. Maybe I’d fake niceness long enough to sneak crushed glass into his coffee. Maybe I’d drop a bucket of freezing water over his head mid-sleep. Or ideally, I would have found some petrol, doused his smug face, and set him ablaze the way I’d planned.
Death hummed in agreement as he whispered,Fire can easily be found. Just wish for it hard enough.
Excitement flooded through me.Really?
No, he chuckled darkly.But it would not work for him, regardless. He breathes fire, and he cannot burn. The fool is a dragon, but an exceptional one at that. He breathes cold blue fire, among other talents.
As much as I would have liked to continue our conversation, Maya noticed I looked less grumpy when I let out a massive sigh. There was no choice but to stop talking inside my mind as she turned toward me with a hopeful smile.
“So other than the window throwing, how are you?” she asked softly. “Did you have a nice sleep?”
“Sleep was fine, thanks,” I muttered. “Everything is fine.”
She hesitated, clearly wanting more. But I wasn’t about to tell her what happened with Fiore. Because if I told Maya, she’d tell Zayden because she was too soft to keep a secret if she thought I was in danger. And if Zayden found out, he’d lose his temper.
Sure, I enjoyed the sight of him riled up, and a protective man was hot. But not like that. Not when we were supposed to just be friends. And not when I knew he’d come barrelling in like a one-man wrecking crew to fight for my honour. I didn’t want him involved. Not with this. I could handle it myself, and I had no honour left to save.
I only needed vengeance and petulance.
And a cup of tea that wasn’t hawthorne.
Maya fiddled with the edge of her combats as she flattened the stiff black material to her legs. “I don’t know how much Zayden explained to you,” she said slowly, “but the second stage of initiation... it’s not pleasant. Try to sneak a nap in today if you’re tired. Or use your goblet to down coffee.”
“Not pleasant?” I arched a brow as I stretched out. “As opposed to the first one, where we had to fight in a death pit?” I yawned. “Help yourself to a coffee with my goblet, if you want one.”
“Thanks!” She yanked on some black socks and combat boots as she snorted. “And yeah. It’s worse. The arena is over quickly. This one is—”
“Don’t tell me,” I cut her off as I forced myself to my feet. “I want to be surprised.”
“Are you sure?” She blinked her big blue eyes at me. The glittery blue liner around them the only sign of her usual siren fun.
She was delightfully dark today, dressed all in black and without shine. It made me feel happier about looking at her, even if I disliked the notion of her being forced not to dress as she pleased.
