Page 44 of Wrap Around
"There is nothing in this world that could keep me from lovingyou, Gideon. Whatever is wrong, whatever is going on with you, we're here for you. Always."
Gideon doesn't look at either of us, he just gently pulls his arm from her grasp and leaves.
Lily knocks gently on the door frame before stepping into the room. I startle a little, lost in my thoughts.
"Hey, you," she says gently. "Lunch is ready. Are you almost packed?"
"Sorry," I murmur, staring down at the basket of clean laundry in front of me, a pair of dress socks dangling from my hand. "I spaced out a bit. I'm almost done here, though."
She crosses the room and picks up a stray hoodie, folding and smoothing it neatly before placing it in my duffle bag. "Are you nervous about the games this weekend?"
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. We leave later this afternoon for back-to-back away games, and I've been dreading it more than usual.
Tonight, I'll be alone with Gideon again, and I'm lost on how to share space with him anymore. It's so tense and awkward between us, and the longer this goes on, the worse it gets. I desperately want us to talk. To tell him the truth so we can start from the beginning without all the anger and pain. I know it won't fix everything, there are years of pain and mistrust that we have to account for. But he needs to know. And I need to be able to tell him that I've never stopped loving him. That I've never stopped wanting him. Aching for him.
I could have made peace with wanting him and having him not want me back. But I know he wants me too. I felt it in that kiss. Ifelt it in the energy and desperation that flowed between us Christmas Eve. He's stronger than he thinks he is, because if he'd kissed me again, I would have let him. I would have kissed him back, given him anything and everything he wanted from me.
I've been weighing my options, and I don't see another way around this. In order to move forward, I'm going to have to break someone's trust. It's not a decision I've made lightly, but I can't do this anymore. It's tearing me up inside.
I can't carry this around any longer, not with the memory of that kiss lingering between us. Not with Gideon finding excuses not to share space with me again. Not if the love of my life is going to slip through my fingers again.
"Lily?"
"Hmm?"
"Would you hate me if–"
"I could never hate you, Silas," she says pointedly. "I'll tell you the same thing I told my brother. There is nothing in this world that could keep me from loving and supporting you."
My chest cracks, and so does my resolve. Tears fall, unbidden, and I slump down on the end of the bed. With my elbows on my knees and my face cradled in my hands, I let loose some of the tension I've been carrying since we got back. I've tried to bring this up so many times, but each time I let it go, not wanting to press or make it feel dire. But it is now. It is. She has to understand.
I take a deep, shaky breath and look up at her with watery eyes.
"I need to tell him."
CHAPTER 18
GIDEON
Silas has been trying to get my attention since we boarded the charter to San Jose. It's a long flight, and I don't think I can be near him the whole way there. I force myself into conversation with Leif Franks, whom I usually avoid because he’s so chatty, and position us as far from Silas as possible. Franks and James Brenton, who everyone just calls Brent, are good friends and are planning a New Year’s Eve party after our home game against Abbotsford on Tuesday. There's not a chance in hell I'm going to that party, but I feign interest and help brainstorm ideas to pass the time and look busy. I don't so much as glance back to where Silas is sitting, though I can feel his presence just a few rows behind me.
Once we're in the air and most of the team is focused on their quiet games, books, or movies, I take a sleeping pill and lean against the small window. We're high enough that all I can see all around us is white, and the sky is just starting to darken. I drift off and enjoy a few hours of dreamless sleep for the first time in a while. I don't wake up until the plane touches down.
My nerves amp up again when we board the bus to the hotel. Most of the guys are going to dinner, and I think I overheard Silasthrow out a few ideas on where to go. Once we arrive at the hotel and the room keys are passed out, I head directly to the elevator. I'm in bed with the covers pulled up over my head before Silas makes it up. Thanks to the sleeping pill still pulling me under, I'm asleep before he leaves for the evening.
I'm not sure what time it is when Silas gets back from dinner, but I wake with a start.
"Shit, sorry," he whispers. "I didn't want to wake you by turning on the light."
"It's fine," I say tiredly, and get up to relieve my full bladder. While I'm in the bathroom, I decide I might as well shower. Long flights always make me feel gross, and I'm still groggy from the sleeping pill. I turn on the water and peel off my shirt before I remember I need my toiletries bag. I mumble a curse to myself and huff, opening the door to retrieve my shit.
I freeze.
Silas freezes. He’s standing at the bottom of his bed, almost fully naked in just a pair of tight, black briefs. He blinks rapidly, looking fucking stupid with his mouth gaping open and eyes locked on me.
I'm sure it's the exact expression I have on my face, seeing him this way.
And I'm definitely seeing him. I mean,reallyseeing him. Because I'm looking right at a whole lot of him being exposed to my gaze. God help me, I'm not looking away. My eyes roam over every inch of exposed flesh. Every muscle, every freckle. I accidentally notice how hard his nipples are and almost choke. I try to pull my eyes away from them and end up looking lower. But then my eyes are on his strong abs, on the dark hair leading from his belly button into the low band of his underwear.
