Page 75 of Wrap Around
Not that any of that matters. What matters is that he's holding a NHL contract in his hand. No matter how temporary it is, that's a big fucking deal. I should say something.This is amazing. I'm so proud of you. You deserve this.Any of those options would be welcome, and true.
But I can't get my mouth to form the words, or my voice to push past the sudden knot in my throat.
He looks down, like he might be ashamed when he should be proud. When his eyes meet mine again, I know what he's thinking. It's what I would be thinking.I don't want to leave. Not now. Not when everything finally feels right.
And, God forgive me, part of me wants to indulge those thoughts. To beg him to stay. To wrap my arms around him and keep himhere. With me. But I can't do that. I can't be the reason he passes up a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I swallow down the selfish parts of me and reach for his hands. They're balled into fists, but I force them open and slide our fingers together.
"You're going," I say quietly, firmly.
Silas shakes his head, eyes wide and panicked. "No. No, I can't. I can't leave you, and Adaline, and Lily. Not right now. Not when we just got to this good place. Our family matters more to me than warming a bench a hundred and fifty miles away."
"Silas. This opportunity, it's not something that is likely to happen again. Even if you spend three weeks riding the bench, you'll still have a NHL contract under your belt. That gives you leverage and clout. I guarantee you, at worst, you're looking forward to your first NHL affiliate contract and not just the one-season AHL contract you have now. Not only that, but Silas, they had to seek you out for this. Strings had to be pulled, contracts written, and a lot of money thrown around to specifically have you go to Calgary. I don't think that's a coincidence, and I don't think they'd go through all that trouble to have you sit out the whole time. That means something."
"What I have here means more."
Huffing an exasperated laugh, I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight before taking his head in my hands and holding it so he has to look at me. "Don't be an idiot," I tell him.
He scowls, and I have to laugh, even though my chest hurts. My instinct is to push him away, to make him want to leave me, to show him that I'm not worth risking everything for. But we've come so far. We can't let something like our careers get in the way of what we have and will continue to build. Every AHL player is here waiting for their chance to be called up, and here he's doneone better.
"You know damn well that if it was the other way around, if I'd been called up for an opportunity as big as this one, you'd be shoving me onto that plane."
He hesitates. "That's different. It'd be more expected. You already have a contract."
The words sting more than I want them to. Not because he's wrong. I do have a contract with a NHL affiliate. But I'm still here, and I'm unlikely to be called up anytime soon, if ever. With all the damage I've done to my team and reputation this season, I'll be lucky to still have a contract at all when it comes time to renegotiate.
"And I've screwed up my chances enough to know I'd never let you do the same," I tell him honestly.
His shoulders slump, like all the fight has bled out of him. I tilt his chin and kiss the corner of his mouth, then his jaw, then lean into the space just beneath his ear.
"I'm proud of you," I whisper. "More than I can say. So fucking proud."
He buries his face in my neck, and I take a deep breath with the pressure of his arms banded around me, knowing I'll have to go without for a few weeks.
"It's just a few weeks," I say out loud. "We can handle that, right? And we have how long to prepare?"
"Just tonight. They want me to fly out tomorrow morning to meet the team for practice before their away game Saturday."
My heart clenches. So soon?
"Well we better make the most of it, then, yeah?"
Silas' voice is raw with exhaustion, eyes red-rimmed and blurry. He's been on a brutal travel schedule, and just wrapped up back-to-back games, the second of which went into double overtime. He called as soon as he got back to his hotel, not wanting to miss Addy's bedtime if he could help it. Lily kept their chat brief, then handed her phone over to me to continue talking while she put Addy down.
Shoving a throw pillow beneath my head, I lean back and hold the phone above me. Maybe the visual of looking up at him will make him feel closer, and vice versa. But he doesn't seem to notice. He's just so tired.
"Go to sleep, baby. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"
He makes a noncommittal grunt. "I miss you."
"I miss you too. Go get some rest, I'm going to catch up on your game highlights."
"Ugh, no. Don't. Please."
"You don't want me to watch my NHL player boyfriend look all sexy on national television? As if."
He groans and wipes a hand heavily down his face. I drop my attempts to flirt and try to listen to whatever he wants to tell me.
