Page 50 of Wrap Around
The more I think about it, the more I'm positive that's the only thing it could be. The entire six-hour flight home, I stew in silence, thinking about how I'm going to be able to beat the ever-loving shit out of Silas without making my sister feel like I'm judging her. Because, honestly, I'm not. She can be with whoever and however many people she wants to. I could not care less aboutmy sister's sex life. I really, really don't want to know about it at all, actually.
But Silas thinking it's okay to try and juggle us both is pissing me off. In fact, I have a strong feeling that Lily won't be okay with it, either. Maybe she's fine with him liking dick, but I don't think she'd be okay with him likingmydick specifically.
Oh, God. What if he wants us to have some kind of three way with him in the middle? Or what if he wants to go back and forth, and just hop in my bed after he's been in hers?
Gross.
I spend a good amount of the flight scowling at him and imagining all the ways I'm going to kick his ass.
The one good thing about this scenario is that I feel positive it'll put me right off of Silas Caldwell. This is about to be the quickest way to fall out of love, because I won't be able to look at him. It won't be enough to move three thousand miles away to a different country. We'll need to be on different continents. Only, it won't be because I'll be too heartbroken to watch them move on with their lives. It'll be because I'm so disgusted and enraged that I might become capable of murder. Poor Lily is going to have to find her baby a new daddy, because I will fucking end him.
Am I overreacting? Maybe. But if I can get the worst-case scenario worked out in my head beforehand, maybe I won't land myself in jail or make my sister feel like shit for her shitty taste in men. That we apparently share.
What the actual fuck is happening?!
The closer we get to home, the more agitated I become. Which is how I end up drinking two double scotches in the last half hour before landing.
This, of course, means I can't drive myself home or back to Lily and Silas' house. I'm in control of my faculties enough to know this isn't a good idea tonight. While, yes, I'm likely to just work myself up even more, I need at least a night to process and come to terms with this, so I don't throw a nuclear tantrum and murder my brother-in-law in front of his wife and child.
I try to call for a rideshare to take me home. I'll get a ride back to my truck tomorrow and then head over to face my fate after I've calmed down.
Silas is having none of it, though. That bastard has the audacity to laugh at me as he steers me to his stupid car.
"Why the fuck do you drive this piece of shit Subaru, anyway?"
"Because I decided to put a large down payment on a nice house with my signing bonus," he says, gesturing at the houses around us as we pull into their neighborhood. "We put the rest in savings and investments in case I don't get renewed."
I decide not to remark about how surprisingly spacious it is inside. Considering the size of the car, I assumed I'd be cramped, but I might actually have more legroom than I do in my truck.
"You invest?"
"Technically, Lily does. You realize that your sister is basically a genius, right?"
"Can't be too smart if she let herself get knocked up by your dumbass," I mutter, but it comes out louder than I intended. I nearly get whiplash from how hard Silas stomps on the breaks. The tires slide on the slick road before coming to a halt.
"If I ever hear you say something like that again, I don't care how much I love you, I'll break your face. And if she hears you say it, I'll cut your fucking tongue out and display it as a warning."
My head rears back in disbelief. I've never, in my whole life, heard Silas talk to or about anyone like that. And considering he just spent an entire weekend trying to convince me that he loves me, I'm more than a little afraid.
"I didn't mean it," I say, feeling incredibly sober all of sudden. In fact, if my churning stomach is any indication, I might have moved on to the hangover phase already. "It was a bad joke. I'm sorry." My eyes ache with how wide open I'm holding them, afraid to blink the wrong way with him looking at me like that.
"Lily is incredibly sensitive about that particular topic, and for good reason. Never joke about it, please." He waits until I nod my agreement before he continues onto their street and pulls into the drive.
I think about what Lily had told me before, about how uninformed she'd been about sex and how babies were made. At the time, I'd overreacted and thought it meant that Silas had taken advantage of her. Now I don't know what to think, but I do feel ashamed of the joke, even if I didn't mean it the way it came out.
As we climb out of Silas' ugly but reliable family vehicle that might actually be a Tardis in disguise, I realize that I am in a state far worse than sober or too drunk to process my feelings. I've reached a state of anxiety that has me frozen in place. If not for the rock salt and sand mixture spread on the driveway, I might simply slide down the driveway and sink into a snow bank. I might prefer it there, honestly.
Silas notices that I've fallen behind and turns back to pull my arm up the driveway.
"Gideon, I realize that the past three and a half years have been really shitty and this is a tough ask, but I'm going to ask you to trust me. I'm not going to pretend that this conversation is going to magically fix everything, but I am promising you it will help. I'm promising you it's going to be okay. And I promise that Lilyand I aren't swingers or trying to talk you into whatever weird shit you've been working yourself up over all day."
I squint my eyes, and he laughs again.
"The way you were glaring at me from across the plane, there were only a few things it could have been."
He tries to pull me forward, but I'm still stuck. I've never been more afraid than I am right now. It's like I'm standing on the edge of some vast drop-off, afraid to fall even though I know I'll die if I don't learn to fly.
Silas' hazel eyes meet mine, the light around us making them shine so they're more tan than gold. I can see the green of my eyes reflected in them, too. I've never seen eyes like his before.
