Page 71 of Nothing To Lose
"I didn't say it would be easy," he says quietly. "I was just trying to help."
Regret punches through me like a knee to the solar plexus, knocking the breath from me. I step forward, but he steps back. Once, then twice. "Tyler, I–"
"I'm sorry. I should go, give you some space."
He turns before I can stop him, the sound of the front door closing echoes into the bathroom. The moment he's gone, panic sets in on an entirely new level. I scrub a hand over my face, heart pounding.
I'm such an asshole. Worse, I made a mistake that I can't seem to stop making. I'm no better than Mr. Jensen or Guy or Tyler's father or anyone else that's treated me like I was less because of my position on the class hierarchy.
All because I'm fucking insecure, and the threat of failure is making me feel even more inadequate. So what do I do? I lash out and prove that I'm truly not good enough for him. Not because of my financial status, because I'm not worthy as a man.
For the first time since Jax Keller found me on the brink of losing myself, I'm truly afraid.
Not of losing the gym or everything I've worked for. Not of drowning in debt and never crawling out of the hole I was born in.
I'm afraid I just pushed away the best thing that's ever happened to me.
23
TYLER
I barely feel the cold when the door slams shut behind me. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I turn a different direction thanThe Nookand keep walking. I don't think I can handle being around people right now, especially anyone that will be able to tell that I'm upset and would wring the truth out of me. Talking about it isn't going to make it better. I can still hear the frustration in his voice, the dismissal.
He's right. What do I know about how much he's had to struggle? What do I know about the sacrifices he's made since he was a kid?
The only sacrifice I ever made was choosing my future over my father's, and while I might have left behind a black card and an easy lifestyle, I had Isaac to fall back on. Walking away from my luxury apartment was easy when being at Isaac's place was already my preference, but he's never had anything or anyone to fall back on.
I want to be the person he can turn to, but how can I when he's going to resent my point of view? I wanted to help. I wanted to take some weight off his shoulders and reassure him the way he does for me. But I just made it worse.
God, I'm such an idiot.
I turn the corner and keep going, down the street and around the block. I'm not even sure what direction I'm heading anymore. The sun's out, and it's warm for February, but I feel cold on the inside. Like Isaac’s my only source of warmth and I just walked away from it.
I walk until the burn in my legs is noticeable even over the ache in my chest. When I come across a tiny coffee shop, I stop and look inside. It's relatively empty, and there's nothing or no one I recognize. Perfect. No one here is going to ask questions if I look like I'm barely holding it together.
After ordering something I probably won't drink, I find a table near the window. My laptop is in my bag, but I can't focus on my plans for the apartment, or any schoolwork. Not when I feel like I'm unraveling.
Instead, I open a notification for a new email on my school account. Maybe it's from my usual study group planning to meet up before finals. Or maybe a syllabus update or project reminder I can obsess over instead of my imploding heart.
My stomach drops when I see who the message is from.
* * *
Tyler,
You've made your choices, and I've respected that, but before you make any mistakes that could jeopardize your future more, you should know that not everyone in your new world is who you think they are. I have information regarding your new boyfriend. Information that you need to know, that could affect his future as a business owner.
I won't waste my time chasing you down. If you're interested in the truth and preserving either of your future opportunities, you know where to find me.
Sincerely,
T. Valdin
Attorney At Law
Valdin Law, Inc.
* * *
