Page 79 of Off the Rim
Marcus shrugs. "I'm just saying, I've never seen you care about anything this much."
"I care about you this much."
He bends and presses his lips to mine, and I twist myself around to climb over him. Our bodies fit against each other, mouths and hands and heavy breaths saying all the things we haven't said and maybe aren't ready to say. But I feel it. I know I do. I think part of me always has. I think five-year-old me knew it all those years ago, when he met a messy haired boy with big ears and a bigger smile. Why else would that memory stick with me for so long?
"Is your favorite color still purple?" I ask softly.
His head cocks, confused at my question. Then he’s distracted, looking down at his hand that's playing with the elastic band of the boxer briefs I'm wearing.
"Are you wearing my underwear?"
CHAPTER 35
MARCUS
"Well, that wasn't awkward at all," Ashton says sarcastically, lying diagonally across my queen-sized bed. He dwarfs the mattress, feet hanging off the ends on either side of the corner, reminding me just how tall he is. No wonder he moved that big ass mattress into his dorm room.
"Are you going to be comfortable here?"
"Of course. It's not like she was outright rude to me like my family was to you."
"I meant the bed," I point out. "But that too, I guess. I think my mom knows you aren't your father, and that she can't hold his actions against you. But she still holds a grudge from what happened in high school."
Ashton can't understand just how tough a year that was, and I'm not sure I want to point out that I'm not sure my mother is capable of letting all that go. It was like experiencing another death, but now I can admit it wasn't just about losing my scholarship opportunities. I was heartbroken over him. Years of curiosity and feeling like I was being pulled towards him with a magnet had led to that single moment of weakness. It was theonly time I ever let my guard down, and I never did again. Not until now. I can't blame my mom for worrying about me or what the fallout of this relationship is going to be.
"It was nice of her to let me come for Christmas."
"Don't get too ahead of yourself," I laugh. "I might have implied I wouldn't be able to make it without you coming with me. The gift basket was a nice touch, though. Excessive, but nice." Ashton got the hotel concierge to help him put together a massive gift basket of local goods, with baked goods, homemade jams that one of the hotel chefs made themselves, artisan made candles and earrings. Her favorite thing was a hand-knit shawl in muted rainbow tones. My mom has more rainbow in her wardrobe than the Pride display at Target, back when they pretended to give a shit about diversity.
I'm not sure how much the gift basket buttered her up, but she was very appreciative and showed Ashton kindness, despite being visibly troubled. We only gave her a basic rundown of what we know, choosing to leave out any mention of her letters. She knew that dad and Mr. James were stepbrothers, of course, and knew about the trouble with the wills. She didn't give us any of the details we were hoping for about what exactly happened between Mr. James and my father, but she talked more about my dad and the man that he was than I'd heard from her in a long time.
"I tried to encourage him to fight it more," she told us over cups of cocoa. "Especially when he was trying to open the store and kept hitting roadblocks that no one else we knew dealt with. The only reason your dad was able to open on Market Street was because he knew the owner leasing the space personally. Roman used to work at the town parks and rec department, and coached several sports," she explained to Ashton. "He was good at findingand fixing up sports equipment for the town and local schools that couldn't afford new stuff. He started doing these little pop-up events where he'd buy, sell, and trade sports equipment, fix bikes, and do random sports workshops. People loved it, and they were always a big hit. That's how he decided he wanted to open a business where he could put his degree to work and do what he loved most. He sold newer, more expensive stuff, too, but his bread and butter was making older stuff new again, so playing sports could be more affordable. He was successful, but he probably put more into the local community than he brought home. Which was fine, we had enough and didn't want for much, right baby?" I'm sure my water-rimmed smile was just as sad as hers, even if I never let a single tear fall.
"Roman was a good man. If he had any faults, it was that he let things roll off his shoulders too easily. He let things go, settled for less than he was worth. He took the interference from AJames Enterprises for what it was. A reminder to keep quiet. I think they were worried he'd get greedy and come after the inheritance again, but they didn't know him."
She looked at Ashton again, searching his eyes. "He blamed himself for what happened with your father. He loved him very much. That's why he didn't respond to any of the little things. But he felt so strongly about the development projects that were being pushed in Pinecrest that he spoke out. He started calling on our local leaders to push back against the development of the town into high-priced retail space or housing that no one could afford. At one point, he considered running for town office so he could more effectively oppose the development plans that had been put in motion. That’s when AJames Enterprises came for Market Street."
"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Vell, I mean, Harding. None of you deserved anything that happened. I think my father… Well, I think maybe he cracked under the pressure of his dad dying, Mimi's influence, and maybe some of it also had to do with whatever happened between him and Mr. Vell. Not that it's a good excuse for all the pain and suffering my family caused, but it's the only reasoning I can think of, plus something in his eyes when he talked about Mr. Vell. I think he loved him too, maybe so much that it got twisted inside him.”
Mom nodded, eyes spilling over. "Maybe. But none of that was your fault. And you're welcome in our home, just as long as you can promise me it won't happen again." She didn't need to specify what she was referring to.
Ashton took a deep breath and squeezed the fingers I laced through his. "I was a coward back then. I didn't know who I was, and I froze. I'll never forgive myself for that night, or anything that happened after. But I'll tell you this—” He looked straight at my mother, his eyes glassy. "Your son makes me brave, Mrs. Harding. It isn't his responsibility to teach me to be a better human, but he does, just by being himself. I'll do whatever it takes to live up to the chance he's given me to prove that I'm better than my bloodline."
I tried to hide the tear that slipped down my cheek hearing his words, but my mother saw it. Her gaze locked with mine and I think she saw more in that tear than I’m ready to admit to myself, even. The depth of my feelings for this ridiculous, over-privileged, persistent pain in my ass of a man. I'm not sure she approves, but her expression told me she understood, and accepted, whatever it is that's happening here.
To break the tension, Ashton made a joke about it being weird hanging out in one of his professor's houses, to which Greg jokedthat he better not tell anyone lest he lose all his cool points. After that, the conversation turned to school and basketball. My mother asked a lot of questions about his time at Golden State University. The conversation started with how many celebrities he took classes with, but she asked the hard questions about why he left, too. I was surprised how honestly Ashton answered her questions, and I got a little more insight into the journey that brought him to CVU.
"I was drowning. I wanted so badly to escape the usual circle of society that I'd grown up in, but I didn't handle the transition very well. I'd never really been challenged before, always had everything handed to me, even if I didn't realize that's what was happening. Suddenly, I was just another guy, except around my fraternity. The members there treated me more like I was accustomed to, and because I was flailing with school and basketball, I leaned into it. There was an incident at a frat party that I got tied up in, and my father had to come save me. He threatened to cut me off if I didn't move back and come to CVU. He'd already worked it out with the Dean and Coach Burke. All I had to do was fall in line."
Ashton's attention directed at me, and he blushed. "I, uh, might have only agreed to go because I saw Marcus' name on the team roster. I don't think my dad noticed, because he doesn't actually follow or care about basketball. He just knew I'd want to play. And since I wasn't getting much play time at GSU, he bought me a position at his alma mater where he could keep an eye on me."
"Seems like it worked out for the best," Greg said, flexing his classic positivity. But before we went to bed, Greg pulled Ashton aside. I could hear them speaking as I helped load the mugs into the dishwasher. "For the record, Ashton, I was wrong about you. I know you can't see into my brain, so you couldn't see thepreconceived ideas I had about you because of your family, but they were there when they shouldn't have been. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. You're a good person. Marcus wouldn't be with you if you weren't."
Ashton shook his head. "The thing is, you weren't wrong. It took falling in love with Marcus to make me follow through on being the better person I always wanted to be."
It took falling in love with Marcus…
"I'm good at excessive," Ashton says, pulling me out of my thoughts and bringing me back to the moment.
