Page 16 of Fated Unkindness
“Sorry, I—I come here sometimes when I need to escape my head.” I lift my book from my lap and wiggle it a little. I can see his eyes rapidly solidifying back into the cool, icy nothing he normally has in place, and it makes me hurt for him again. “I can go if you need time alone. I think I would understand that more than most. Or… You’re more than welcome to come join me.” I gesture to the chair opposite me.
Silently, he turns away from me, casting his gaze out of the window. He pours another drink at the bar and just stands there for a long moment. I can see him take a deep breath, and his shoulders drop slightly with the exhale. When he turns back to face me, his eyes are back to the warm hazel-green hue they normally are, and some of the stiffness in his shoulders is relaxed.
“I’m sorry, you know.” He says in a low voice. “I’m sorry for so many things…” Dax slowly shakes his head, looking down at the floor. Fisting the two glasses he prepared, he prowls toward me offering one of the glasses. Now that he’s closer, I can see the heavy pain in his eyes that he normally doesn’t allow to show.
“One of those days, huh?” I ask as I reach out to take the glass, trying to lighten the mood, even if just a fraction. As he passesthe glass to me, our fingers brush, sending a tingle through me. A warmth spreads in my chest, and as my gaze connects with his, a wry smile pulls up the corner of my lips. I look at him, a little bemused and smile softly. “You don’t need to be sorry for anything with me, by the way.”
He sits down on the chair opposite me. Very much like he was sitting in the chair that night at his estate when something compelled me to behave in such a provocative way with him. I hadn’t even drank all that much. His head’s tipped back, resting on the chair, eyes closed. Thinking about that night with him in such proximity makes a blush rise into my cheeks. I’m hopeful that he can’t see it, though it’s only late afternoon. The library tends to be dark regardless of the time of day, especially in the fall.
“You don’t know what I have to be sorry for. It doesn’t matter, though. Not anymore. Things are going to change. I’m not sitting around anymore. I can’t while my little sister is out there. I’ve already lost my parents; I won’t lose her too. Ella and Trent are all I have left. I’m supposed to be her guardian, and I’ve failed her. I’ve failed too many people in my life. I’m going to get her back, Raelle.” There is a desperate sort of rattle to his voice, and it makes me want to reach for him, to soothe and calm him, but I don’t; I just listen. “I wish that just once I could forget about things in the shadows of my past and live the way that was intended. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this if I had just done what I was supposed to do so long ago. If I’d chosen a different path.”
I just watch him as he talks to me. He stands and saunters to the fire, placing his whiskey in hand on the mantle and leaning over it, looking into the flames.
The same sensation of tingles runs over me. They started the night at the Fornax Estate. When I ran into Dax in the hall before dinner. The first time our skin came into contact. It’s like my subconscious senses him, and wants me to be close and before I can even process what I’m doing, I find myself standing up… moving closer. I come to a stop behind him. I extend my arm, placing my hand between the tight muscles of his upper back, where I sense the tension.
“I think I understand how you’re feeling.” I say quietly as I make that contact. He goes still under my touch, and after a moment, he turns his body to face me. I keep my hand up, and it brushes along his shoulder blade, then the hard bicep in his long-sleeved tunic. I rest my hand on his chest, our bodies only a breath apart. Tilting his head downward, his gaze flicks across my face, his piercing eyes searching. He lifts his hand, brushing his fingertips along my jaw, pausing for a moment before he pulls by my bottom lip from where it's caught between my teeth. I feel my pulse skitter as he blinks slowly, shifting his gaze back to my eyes.
“I wish things could have been different. I wish there was more time and I was a better man, but wishing is for dreamers, and the reality is… I’m no dreamer, Raelle. There is no dream for me. I’m the nightmare. Perhaps in another lifetime, it could have been different for me, for you… us.” He pauses, his eyes shifting between mine. My heart hammers in my chest. “ I know this isn’t fair, and I know it doesn’t make sense, but I feel a dangerous energy pushing me to do this.” His eyes darken a shade as he drops his eyes to my bottom lip, which he still has trapped under his thumb, then back up to my eyes.
The pounding in my chest intensifies as he takes a step closer. Closing any distance that was left between our bodies, and as he does, he lifts my chin, causing my lips to part slightly on an inhale. His heart thunders under my palm matching the rampant beat of my own as he brings his lips to hover over mine painfully slow. Pausing just a breath away, our lips brush as he whispers into them the scent of whiskey tickles my nose. “This is something I have to do before all things go to hell.” Our lips meet and the tingle turns erratic, my whole body burning under his touch. The kiss starts gently. Hesitant. I open my lips, inviting his tongue to meet mine. Reaching up, guiding my fingers into his dark hair, he wraps an arm behind my waist, pulling me further into his body, making my back arch and deepening the kiss. I drown in the scent of him, cedar and smoke swirling in the air around me making me dizzy, as he devours my lips. My hand slides down, fingers curling and brushing into the hair at the nape of his neck. His fingers that were on my jaw work their way into my hair as he holds me where he wants me. My eyes flutter open as the kiss slows, and an ache spreads through me, settling low in my core. When our lips part, we stay transfixed in each other’s gaze. Breathing the same air in quick pants.
The door to the library opens with a thud as it hits the wall behind it, but we are both too focused on each other to care; neither of us are looking at whoever's entering. Dax and I stand loosely intertwined in front of the lit hearth, basking in the warmth of what just overtook us.
“Whhhaaat did I just walk in on?....Again.” He says with wide eyes, his brow lifted with a teasing grin.
Dax says nothing, but releases his hold on me. My own hands drop to my sides as he turns back to the fireplace mantle, effectively shielding his face from his brother and me. My eyes snap to Trent and my brow furrows as I turn my head to look at Dax’s back. I shake my head to expel the lightheadedness there as I turn for the door, where Trent stands still in shock. I know I won’t be able to lie to him, but this is not the time or place for this conversation. “I—We… I was just leaving.” I rush out, not even understanding what just happened. I turn and grab my discarded book, and steal a glance at Dax. He doesn’t turn around or say anything to either of us; it causes my brow to crease deeper with worry.
“Looked like it,” Trent laughs.
Feeling as though my heart is going to burst directly out of my chest, I tell them both I am going to retire early tonight and walk out of the library. I didn’t notice how much time had actually gone by with me being in there, so when I step out of the door and the moon greets me, it comes as a little bit of a surprise.
“You shouldn’t walk home alone.” It’s Dax’s voice I hear so close behind me that I should have jumped from the proximity, but the deep lull of his voice doesn't startle me. I didn’t realize anyone had followed me out of the library. I take a deep breath before I answer him, and he places a hand on the small of my back guiding me forward.
“I—uh… Where is Trent?” I whisper to him.
“He came to the library for research and said he would be there for at least a couple of hours. If it's okay with you, I’d like to walk you home.” He whispers back.
“It is ok with me... but, Dax… Weshould—”
“I know. We will talk another day. I promise, love. Let’s just get you home for now.” He interrupts.
He doesn’t walk me to the front door. Instead, we take the side gate to the too-large property I have been given to live in when I refused to live with Cano at his Estate. I appreciate the accommodation, but I told him I would be paying for my stay once I collected the coin from my inheritance. He reluctantly agreed. The walk with Dax was quiet. He was focused on our surroundings, ensuring that we were not being watched or followed. I was only focused on the arm that was wrapped around my waist as we walked together. It was risky for him to be walking with me in such a way. People could see him. Cano could find out, but I allowed it regardless, and what does that say about me? People assumed that Cano and I were together, and I allowed them to think that because of the privacy it gave me, among other things. However, Cano and I never have discussed being officially a couple. So, technically, there is nothing wrong with what Dax and I have done. It feels different than when I’m with Cano, though. It’s a feeling I can’t ignore.
When we reach the back door, he reaches for the knob and it opens. “Do you not lock your doors?” He asks with his brows knitted together with concern.
“I do, but I could have forgotten. I’m not sure, to be honest. My mind has been roaming lately,” I tell him.
“Stay with me. I’m going to have a look around to make sure it’s safe before I leave you alone.” He walks into the house without waiting for a response from me.
“You do know I’m not a helpless female who can’t protect herself, correct?” I tease him, thinking back on the time he came to my aid with Cano.
“I’m aware.” He growls.
We walk the entire house, and as we are returning to the kitchen and the back door, I look at him and say, “I’m sure I just left it unlocked, and I can protect myself.” A wry smile playing at my lips. “But Dax…” He turns to look at me. “Thank you for making sure I am safe. I’ve not had someone look out for me like that in quite a long time. I really do appreciate the gesture.”
He isn’t far from me when I say this to him. Maybe five or so feet, but he closes the distance in just two strides. He reaches down to my hips and lifts me. My hands instinctively bracing myself on his strong shoulders. He sets me down on the counter pressing his hips in between my legs, he leans into my body eating up any distance between our chests. “I know you can protect yourself, and please keep doing just that.” He growls, tilting his head slightly as though he’s gauging my reaction to him. “Don’t forget to lock your doors.” The corner of his mouth tilts up, and the dimple on his right cheek appears. I want to pull him to me and lick it.Gods, what is this man doing to me?“You make me want to be a dreamer.” He presses his lips to mine in an unforgiving kiss, my lips part and his tongue juts in exploring, flicking and teasing. When he breaks free, he doesn’t say anything, neither do I. The look in his eyes says a million words. He gives me a sad, lopsided smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, reaches up and brushes his thumb across my lips, then strikes a path across my cheekbone. He turns and stalks out the door without another word. Leaving me in a puddle, still sitting on the kitchen counter breathless and confused.
Chapter fourteen
