Page 47 of Splintered Memories
He leaned toward me; the warmth from his bare skin enveloped me as he softly inhaled. “You smell like warmth. Like home.”
I stilled, my face heating as all that pain completely leached from his face. Instead, his eyes darkened like the clouds right before a summer storm. He continued leaning toward me, his head dipping and tilting to the side. I didn’t dare move. I didn’t dare even breathe as he brushed the tip of his nose back and forth against the sensitive place where my neck met my shoulder. His breath ghosted over my skin, sending a wave of chills rippling down my body.
I didn’t pull away from him. I didn’t want to as he inhaled again, deeply this time. Then, I was almost positive he pressed a featherlightkiss there, right against the crook of my neck. The kiss was quick and when it was over, he wrapped an arm around me. With one hand still pressed over my beating heart, he hugged me against him, burying his face in my shoulder.
His body sagged into me like a relieved sigh, like he had finally let that haunting memory go. Or maybe,ithad lethimgo. All tension disappeared from him in an instant.
My heart shivered as he murmured against my skin, his voice breaking, “Thank you.”
18
August
Theimmediateexhaustionwasconsuming. I lingered in it, lingered in her, as my brain oriented itself. It was Emersyn who anchored me to the earth. Her skin was warm against my face as her scent surrounded me. I wanted to enjoy it longer, but the shame seeped in so fast and I didn’t have the energy to fight it.
Dragging myself away from her, I retreated back to my side of the couch. Her eyes were wide as she watched me. She didn’t ask what had happened. She didn’t berate me for my weakness. She was only silent.
I couldn’t tell whether she was scared or disgusted or confused. Her expression was unreadable.
“I’m sorry.” I looked away.
She didn’t answer, and my stomach knotted. It had been so long since I’d had an episode like that.Years.
Embarrassment clawed through me, its nails sharp and searing. I stood up before I thought better of it. The reek of failure burned through my blood, making my nose wrinkle. My body was shaky and unsteady, and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.
“That hasn’t happened in a long time.” My back teeth clamped together, revolting against my next words, but they needed to be said. “I’ll understand if you don’t want me in charge of your security anymore. That was…unexpected.”
My throat tightened as a heavy silence settled over us. When she finally spoke, her voice was uncharacteristically soft.
“I wouldn’t want anyone else in charge of my safety, August.”
The relief made my knees buckle. I still couldn’t face her. The shame was building in my chest, sucking the life from my bones. It was good that she still trusted me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had failed her.
“I’m tired.” I always failed the people most important to me. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
I walked away, and she didn’t stop me. She didn’t call for me to come back. I didn’t even grab my shirt before practically running up the stairs, afraid to face my own shame and embarrassment.
The room I was staying in was both a haven and prison as I closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door, sucking air into my lungs. My heart pounded, my skin sticky with sweat.
When I closed my eyes, those images haunted me. That memory I had been lost in tonight flashed against the back of my eyelids. It was all chaos and screaming and smoke and blood. It was the sound of death—death that I had been responsible for.
I swallowed against the bile surging up my throat and wrenched my eyes open. Crossing the room to the small adjoining bathroom, I started the shower. I didn’t want to think about that night, one of the worst nights of my life.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I grimaced. I looked like the wreck that I felt. My skin was pale, my eyes dark and glassy. What must Emersyn think of me now? The man staring back at me wasn’t a protector. He wasn’t a hero. He was broken.
My chest ached with the truth of those thoughts. What had I been thinking these last weeks letting myself get so close to Emersyn? Not only was I employed by her father, but I had no business with her. She wasn’t mine. She wouldneverbe mine.
She didn’t need this baggage I carried. She had enough weight on her shoulders without me adding to it.
I turned away from the mirror and that weak man, unable to stand it any longer. I shucked off my bottoms and got into the shower, standing under the hot stream of water. I imagined the water washing away the remnants of that night, along with the sweat and grime. But I knew, no matter how long I stood there or how hard I scrubbed, the blood would never completely leave my hands.
The shower took a long time. I stayed there until my fingers were wrinkled and the water turned cool. Only when those images and memories felt far enough away that they couldn’t choke me did I turn off the water and get out.
My body and mind were exhausted, even though it wasn’t that late in the night. My legs felt numb, my brain a haze as I brushed my teeth and tugged on a pair of sweats.
I was about to fall into bed when I heard a soft thump outside my bedroom door. My sore muscles tensed as I strained my ears. It was barely audible, but a rustling noise brushed against the wall, as if someone were rubbing against it.
Frowning, I headed toward the bedroom door, my footstep silent on the carpet. I leaned my ear against the door, and there was something that sounded like a small sigh on the other end.
