Page 2 of Splintered Memories
“You can. You know when that lump rises in your throat?”
I blinked at her and slowly nodded.
“And you know that burning feeling that comes with it?”
I nodded again.
My sister fisted her hand and held it against her own chest. “I imagine it as a big ball of fire that I have to keep locked down inside. I pretend that I can catch it right in my hand and hold it down before it gets to my throat.”
I stared at her hand closed tight in the middle of her chest.
“If you keep that ball of fire right here before it gets up your throat, you can keep the tears inside and she won’t know how much she’s hurting you.”
My eyes widened. More tears threatened to surface, but this time, I made the effort to fight. Closing my eyes, I pretended that hot, burning feeling inside my chest was a red ball of flames. I pretended that my hand was wrapping around the ball and clutched it hard, pulling it down into a cold, dark place where the fire couldn’t burn me.
I let out a slow, long exhale.
“There you go. You got it,” Delainey said, and I opened my eyes. She smiled at me.
My eyes still ached and watered, but the tears stopped. “I’m tired,” I breathed.
“Eat first,” Delainey said softly, pointing toward the squished biscuit I’d forgotten was in my other hand.
I stared at the food, no longer hungry for it. But Delainey was right. It had to be eaten. She’d already risked taking it. Slowly, I lifted the biscuit to my mouth, but the slight squeak of the floorboard outside of my room stopped me. I reflexively shoved my hand under the bed covers, tucking the food under my body as her voice drifted inside.
“Delainey?” Mommy tilted her head to the side as she examined the two of us. “What are you doing in yoursister’s room, honey?”
My sister’s expression barely shifted under Mommy’s gaze, but a slight glint of fear flashed in her eyes. “I’m saying goodnight.”
Her voice didn’t waver. She was so strong, and my admiration of her grew inside my chest.
Mommy’s lips tightened. “Go to your room, baby. You know your sister is still dealing with the consequences of her actions.”
Delainey didn’t hesitate. She didn’t spare me another look. She only stood. “Yes, Mommy.” She headed toward the door and slipped out.
Mommy watched her until Delainey made it to her room, no doubt, before her gaze shifted back to me. My heart pounded so hard against my ribs it hurt. She took a step inside. The biscuit under my covers suddenly felt like it was going to burst into flames and give me away. Would she be able to smell it? I swallowed back the fear racing up my throat as she came to my bed and sat down on the edge. I imagined that fist inside me, holding onto the fear and tugging it back down into my chest.
“Emersyn.” Mommy leaned over me, her sharp eyes boring into mine.
I should’ve eaten the biscuit first. So stupid. She was going to find it and Delainey would be punished, too. Sweat prickled on the back of my neck.
“Yes, Mommy?” I said, surprised my voice sounded so firm.
Her eyes were assessing as she stared down at me. I imagined that fist gripping tighter around my fear, forcing it down, down, down…
Eventually, Mommy let out a long sigh. Then, she pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You know I only discipline you for your own good, right?”
I forced myself to nod.
“You have to learn that you are not permitted to act like that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, automatically. It had been so long now I couldn’t remember what I had been punished for.
“I know you are. That’s good.” She smiled, but it was lifeless and cold. “It’ll be over soon.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Emersyn Susanne.”
