Page 84 of True Honey
“And then Josh,” I said softly and she nodded.
“Both in blood and heart, he has been searching for Josh unknowingly his entire life. It was like he knew before anyone else. He was always restless duringLorette games, looking around the stadium like he was searching for a feeling he couldn’t figure out.” She sounded sad but I let her continue, the insight on Silas was refreshing with how little he talked about himself. And if she was talking about her son then she wasn’t digging into my life.
“Intuitive,” she noted, “when he gets that instinct he follows it and I gave up trying to shield him from it a long time ago. Despite the trouble it can bring, he usually has a method to his madness.”
And just like that she had gone from Silas back to me. It was obvious what she was getting at. She thought I was a project, and she wasn’t wrong. I just wasn’t unaware of Silas’s little after-school hobby to save his family's fortune.
“I thought maybe one day he’d grow out of it,” she chuckled, “but I don’t think there’s much truth to that.”
“I wouldn’t want him to,” I heard myself say but I had no idea where it came from. “I hope he always has a heart big enough to help, the world is bursting at the seams with selfish people, it needs more like Silas.”
Sylwia stared at me for a moment, no doubt surprised by the boldness of my voice but a smile crept to her stern face and the softness returned. “He’ll need someone to protect the heart he leaves unguarded.” She said, our eyes never left one another's. After a moment she inhaled slowly, and I felt the conversation shifting.
“That’s enough about Silas, I want to talk about you,” she said gently, “I feel like he hasn’t told me anything, which is unlike him. I want to know everything you’ve ever dreamed of for your big day. I've been hosting parties for so long I tend to start micromanaging everyday life and I want to make sure it’s perfect.”
“Silas said that you want to help plan the wedding, that’s very generous.” I just needed to get through lunch with her.
“If you’re okay with that, I don’t want to overstep if you have plans with your family,” Sylwia cooed. “I remember planning my wedding with Charles' mother. It was a horrible experience and nothing about the wedding felt like mine.”
“No family to step over,” I assured her.
“What about your son?” She asked and the question was like an unexpected shot to the chest. I hadn’t even found the courage to tell August I was spendingmore time with Silas, let alone break the news to him that everything was a deal just to get us an apartment. I chewed on my tongue for a second, trying to come up with a reasonable answer that would satisfy her.
“August is thirteen he’s at the age where everything I do is embarrassing,” I offered.
“Thirteen?” She sipped on her coffee. “That is a hard age. Silas brought home his first girlfriend at that age and I remember being a mess about it.”
My heart calmed for a second, knowing we did in fact have things in common.
“August has his first crush and I’m beside myself trying to figure out what I should do,” I confessed. “Do I over parent and ask him a hundred questions or let him figure it out and wait for him to come to me?”
Sylwia chuckled, “I’m a fan of the hundred questions,” she winked at me. “Is it a girl from school?”
“They go to the same school but they met at the stadium,” I told her and she nodded.
“It’s Riona’s daughter isn’t it? Daisy?” She asked.
“It is.” I made room for the waitress to set some plates on the table and thanked her. Everything looked so delicious.
“She’s a sweet girl, you have nothing to worry about,” Sylwia said with a smile.
“I’m not worried about her, I know how boys can be,” I sighed. Raising a son was hard enough, raising a son when he had a toxic father was another. I had no idea what August learned from Bradley in those times when we were apart. My only fear was that he turned out like his father and from what I could tell I had done enough to prevent that…
“I know that look,” Sylwia said, sliding her knife across a piece of toast. “I worry about the same thing, you raise them to be kind and observant but sometimes no matter how much you try it can go wrong. Keeping them from turning into their fathers is exhausting.”
I nodded, mostly staying quiet to keep from crying and I only needed to cry because of how easily she had pegged my emotions. It caught me off guard.
“So you were married previously?”
“Yes, for six years,” I said.
“What happened?” She asked, her eyes casting on me. She knew she was overstepping but she didn’t care. She needed the story from my mouth and she needed it to calm the raging doubts that swirled around. She was protecting her son the same way I was trying to protect mine.
“I had August and got sick,” I said slowly to keep from choking on the words. “Postpartum depression ruined my marriage.”
Sylwia’s face hardened but it wasn’t concern or annoyance, it was understanding and sadness.
“I take medication for it,” I lied, I used to take it when I could afford it. Now I was just barely hanging on until the next episode hit and riding it out from the safety of my bed. That’s typically how a move started, the depression rolled in and once it did there was no stopping it. I spent weeks, willing myself out of bed until one day I just couldn’t, missed shifts would end up with me being fired shortly after and in desperation mode to find work. “I took,” I corrected myself when she arched her eyebrow. The facial expression was similar to Silas and I could see where he got his attitude from at that moment. His spectacular need to always be right and informed no matter how uncomfortable the information.
