Page 65 of True Honey
I joined back in with him, letting every ounce of frustration out through laughter and destruction. He couldn’t have been more right about letting it all out and taking back the subtle violence that was held in every broken dish of mypast. Everything in the room turned to dust and it felt like all the tense muscles in my body were finally unknotting enough for me to breathe properly again.
Silas’s hair was sweaty and sticking in every direction as he whipped off his glasses. I hadn’t noticed the dimples in his cheeks before now, his smile pushing them forward.
“Better?” He asked, running a hand through his hair to smooth it down.
“Better.”
And for once the word didn’t feel like a lie. I honestly felt better, lighter even in the wake of everything happening outside of my control. It was absolutely insane that taking a bat to inanimate objects made me feel alive.
“How often do you come here?” I asked him as we stripped from the coveralls. He turned to me, taking mine and hanging it on the wall beside the door.
“I haven’t been able to lately with everything going on. It's been hard,” he explained. I watched as Silas retreated in on himself. “I probably shouldn’t have even come today but, I just needed a second to breathe.” His jaw tightened with every thought that popped back into his head and I hadn’t meant to bring it all back up after he had left it behind with the broken dishes but…
“Have you checked on him?” I asked him as we wandered down the hallway back to the front door, the lobby was empty and I was grateful because it meant Silas couldn’t use other people as an excuse to play a part and avoid the question.
“Riona called this morning.” His words were tight and lacking any sort of emotion that might tell me how he really felt about the situation.
“Silas,” I stopped on the curb as he walked around his bike to grab the helmets. “I thought we were supposed to be on the same page again.”
“This is personal Drew, it has nothing to do with our arrangement,” he said softly, not trying to hurt my feelings but I narrowed my eyes on him.
“Neither does this.” I pointed to the building behind me and stepped up to the other side of the bike across from him. “Tell me the truth or stop giving me mixed signals.”
Silas stared at me for a moment, clearly unimpressed by the demand but it worked, it shook loose something inside him that he had locked up.
“He’s in rough shape, Cael is a recovering addict and while his addiction did not discriminate against any vice, now that he’s sober he refuses any addictivemedication,” Silas explained and I listened, I knew the basics but what Cael was going through was exhausting and took so much strength I’d never understand. “He’s going to have surgery and wake in more pain, and there’s nothing I can do about it, but I could havepreventedit.”
His whole body tensed and I could see the water lining his gray eyes.
“It was an accident.”
“Arlo hasn’t called,” Silas said, practically cutting me off. He had already rationalized his guilt. His teeth bothered his bottom lip and his eyes lifted to the sky. “That’s how IknowI fucked this up. Arlo should have called, but him and Ryan made Riona do it because I fucked up. It’s my fault that Cael’s injury went unnoticed, why he’s…” His words trailed off tightly and I watched him turn away from me to hide his emotions.
“Have you tried to call them?” I asked, tip-toeing around the delicate relationship hierarchy they seem to have. The silence was deafening.
“Arlo warned me that I needed to remember what was important. I’ve been…” he cleared his throat, his hands running over his face with his back to me. “There’s just a lot happening and I thought I could handle it all on my own.”
“Isn’t that why I’m here?” I said quietly, my fingers reaching across the divide, I gently tangled them into the back of his shirt and begged him to turn around. “Let me help.” I said when he finally looked at me.
It was like it had never been offered to him before or maybe it had never been offered in a way that he listened or considered it.
“You helped me today, in the midst of all your own turmoil… you brought me here to rewire a part of me you didn’t tangle Silas. Why?” I asked him, retreating back and resting my hand on the seat of his bike.
“I don’t know,” Silas said softly.
“You don’t know or you don’t have an answer that won’t make this complicated?” I argued with a gentle smile forming on my lips. “Because it’s okay if it's the second one.”
Silas nodded.
“We should get back to the house,” I said when he didn’t have anything else to say. “But first, the hospital. Let’s check on Cael.”
“They don’t want me there,” he said with a weak shake of his head.
“We should bring them coffee.” I ignored his protest and grabbed my helmet.
“Drew,” Silas warned.
“I did something scary today,” I told him. “Now it’s your turn.”
