Page 34 of True Honey
I went to shake my head but stopped, looking up at him over my shoulder and shrugged. “Sure.”
“On a school day? My little rebel,” he laughed, the lines around his gray eyes crinkling. “Start looking, I’ll be right back.”
Silas left me standing in the middle of the store and I felt so overwhelmed for a moment that I could cry before one of the women appeared to my left.
“Are you shopping for an event?” She asked.
“A few I guess?” I said and her brow furrowed as her eyes darted to the heavy ring on my finger, drawing attention to the lie we were stringing. “I’m in town for the month meeting my fiancé’s family before the wedding and the airline misplaced my entire suitcase.”
“Oh that's the worst!” It was like her mood had flipped completely and suddenly she was sympathetic to my ratty jeans and faded hoodie. “Well let's get you out of these old things and find you some staple pieces before we get fancy with dresses…” she started to mumble as she walked away in a hurry. Lying to her was as easy as flirting for tips, muscle memory by now.I could do this.
“Everything good?” Silas returned, handing me a skinny glass filled with bubbles that tickled my nose when I brought up to my lips.
“Yeah she went to pull me stuff,” I said, looking over at him. He looked impressed by my initiative and I couldn’t help but feel a little more confident about myself as his stare softened and his lips curled into a smile.
She returned a little while later and led us to a private changing area with couches and change rooms with thick curtains and dimmer lighting. She had hung way too many clothes on the hook for me and took my glass from me before I could even finish, shutting the curtains in my face so I could start.
I stared at the hanging clothes not sure where to start and still in my jeans when Silas cleared his throat.
“You didn’t die in there, did you? You got quiet,” he said from just outside the curtain as his shoes appeared underneath it.
“Alive.” The single word made him laugh but I was still terrified of everything in front of me and I could feel the panic starting to set in.What if even after all these fancy clothes I’m still not good enough to convince his family?I held my hand up in the small warm light and stared at the ring that weighed heavy on my finger.
“Are you dressed?” He asked, interrupting my anxiety attack.
“Yes.”
The curtain flung open and he looked me up and down before his eyes raked over the hanging clothes.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, and leaned against the frame of the dressing room.
I thought about lying to him but swallowed the fear and confessed.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I said, and even though the words rolled off my tongue slowly and left a bad aftertaste in my mouth it felt good to say them out loud.
“Okay,” he said, his eyes darting back and forth as he straightened out. “So, less options?” he asked, starting to rifle through the clothes. “Start slow…” he mumbled, taking most of them into his arms and backing away to drop them on the love seat. “Try those.” He pointed to the clothes left hanging. Two pants and two blouses. “Better?”
I felt my pulse slow down, and my breathing returned to normal as I nodded at him. I wanted to saythank you for helpingbut all that came out was, “better.”
He watched me for a moment longer, as if he didn’t believe me, before finally sinking back onto the couch and letting me close the curtain again. In private I took a second to prepare myself before I stripped out of my clothes and pulled on the pants. They fit my hips like a glove and hung in a loose drape that pooled at the floor without shoes on. The first shirt was a glittery silver tank top that fit too loose around my neckline and made my skin look pale.
“Drew?” Silas’s voice floated over the curtain and made me pause, “everything okay?”
I reached out to the curtain, thinking about drawing it back and stopped.
“I don’t think I like this,” I said, peeking out around the curtain instead. Silas leaned forward on his knees sipping on whatever was in his glass with a tight jaw. I don’t even know why I told him that but something about Silas had turned me into something August would describe as a ‘trauma dumping weirdo’ and wasn’t really a fan of it.
He set the glass down and looked at me with such a serious expression I could feel his encouragement from across the room. What I hadn’t expected was for him to ask a question so simple that made me feel so complicated. “What don’t you like about it?”
“Uh,” I paused, looking down at the shirt and thought a little harder about it.
“There has to be something,” Silas said as he rose from the couch, “and if it’s the price tag…”
“I know, I know,” I said, finally finding the courage to pull back the curtain the entire way.
“Oh,” his lips parted as he took me in.
“It’s bad,” I sighed, wanting to cover up. To cross my arms over my exposed neckline, or to retreat back into my hoodie and never be seen again.
