Page 114 of True Honey
My body trembled under his careful touch, he was moving with intention, every kiss meant to tease. Silas noticed the shutter and smiled against my skin, deliberately avoiding my center to keep building anticipation. His lips trailed up my thigh toward my stomach where he paused to press a lingering kiss just below my navel.
“You’re shaking,” he whispered, his hot breath ghosting across my skin.
“You’re teasing.” I smiled down at him gently.
Silas looked up at me through dark lashes, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips. “Am I?” A single finger traced a line from my belly button downward, barely skimming my center but not quite touching where I needed him to. “Should I stop?”
I gently shook my head no, surprisingly I enjoyed how gentle he was being.
“Good girl.” A smug smile formed on his lips, pleased with my response. He returned his attention to my thigh, pressing soft kisses higher up that time. “I want you wet and ready before I even touch you.”
I was offering him a side of me he rarely saw, vulnerable and needy. I was completely at his mercy. Nothing to say, nothing to prove. Just ready for him to make good on his promise. My breathing grew heavy, reacting to his touches as my legs opened wider. When Silas finally reached my core I inhaled sharply, he blew a cool breath against my wetness, making my body tense without even a touch.
The air around us was heavy and felt different from all the times before. His fingers gently brushed against my clit, the teasing becoming almost too much. I needed to feel him, needed him.
“I want you,” I whispered.
His pupils dilated at the statement, his voice hoarse as he replied. “Not yet,” he said, pressing his face between my legs. He spread me open with his fingers, slowly licking up my center, his tongue focusing solely on my clit.
“Silas,” I said, softer that time, reaching my hand down to touch his hair, “I need you.”
He tensed, his fingers digging into my skin at his name. He pressed his tongue firmer against me, sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. “Beg me,” he muttered against me as his fingers worked their way deeper.
“Ineedyou,” I lowered my voice to try to convey what I wanted without sounding completely pathetic. He had a plan and it would all be ruined by my need to be closer to him at that moment. It was all too much, the cottage, his family, our life. It was weighing down on me and if he didn’t tie himself around me soon, I would drift away at sea to drown in my fears of never being good enough.
He froze, pulling back to watch my chest rise and fall rapidly. “Alright baby,” he hummed, reaching for the table. He was getting too good at finding condoms in the dark and I appreciated his consistency in using them for me. Other than the night at the hotel when we were both completely out of control, he’d never once pressured me into anything else.
Silas flipped the zipper on his pants, freeing himself without hesitation and rolled the condom on, his hands shaking slightly with restraint. He positioned himself between my legs, his arms caging me in as he looked down at me.
“Hold on to me,” he commanded, his voice strained.
I wrapped myself around him, desperate for the closeness and gasped as he slid himself inside. Silas let out a low groan as he bottomed out, his eyes fluttering shut for a second. He stayed still, allowing me to adjust before he began to move. His thrusts were slow, like rolling waves and each time he returned to me I felt a piece of me returning back to where it belonged. It seemed so dramatic, to say a person could fix you but Silas had, he still was, fixing me. Helping me. Encouraging.
He captured my mouth in a deep kiss as he pushed back inside, swallowing my soft moans. He pulled back to watch my face, no doubt reading me like an open book but there was nothing to find. For once I was just happy.
“Better?” He asked, his voice low and sweet.
“Better,” I responded, losing myself in him.
Silas smiled softly, pressing kisses along my jawline as he continued his steady rhythm. His hand found mine on the pillow beside my head, fingers threading together. His gray eyes met mine and I knew exactly how he was feeling before he said it, but the brief realization didn’t help the shock. “I love you,” he whispered, picking up his pace.
I want to love you back.
I’m not good enough to love you the way you need.
The worst thoughts flooded in and made my vision of him hazy. I was losing myself and Silas in the process. I swallowed hard, and instead of responding I pressed myself against him tighter. Willing away the sense of dread that bubbled up. I kissed him in a deep and gentle way that said everything I couldn’t.
Silas kissed me back but I could feel his heart aching at my silence. He knew I cared for him but with the words remaining unspoken I knew I had hurt him. He buried his face in my neck, his thrusts becoming more frantic and desperate.
I had done the one thing I was trying not to do. I had broken his heart. He continued to drag us to the edge, my pleasure mixed violently with sadness as he exploded like a firecracker. He came with a choked groan, his body tense above me as he spilled into the condom. He stayed buried inside of me for a moment long, his forehead pressed against mine as he caught his breath but there was a sadness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.
“Give me time,” I whispered to him, pressing my hand to his face. “It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it too. Saying it is harder than expected.”
Silas watched me for a moment longer but nodded, understanding but he was still hurt and it broke my heart to see him like that. Unable to just give him what he wanted.
I’d never be good enough for a man like him.
That much was clear.
