Page 42 of True Honey
Silas watched me down the last of my whiskey, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Mm, so it was just liquid courage?” He stepped forward, his leg resting between my thighs. “No actual interest in this old man?”
That made me giggle. “It was the glasses,” I teased. “Total turn off.” I looked around the apartment, feeling too warm under his gaze.
“Right,” Silas chuckled and it caused the muscle in his stomach to tighten with laughter. When he caught me staring, his smile only grew more smug. “So no chance you’d find an attractive, successful, charming, recently turned thirty-five, old man appealing?”
I shook my head slowly, the lie seeping out of me in the form of a smirk that gave away how quickly I was becoming wrapped around his finger. How a simple birthday gesture had blurred lines so quickly. It was only half a bottle ofwhiskey… I turned my head down between us to hide the blush creeping to my cheeks.
Silas towered over me, reaching out and gently tilted my chin up with his index finger, forcing me to meet his intense gaze. “Liar,” he said softly, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip.
I opened my mouth to stop him but accidentally ended up leaning further into his touch. It had been a long time since I felt at peace enough for a man to touch me. And sure it was the whiskey making the world hazy and my decisions easy but Silas was right there, begging me to at least try.
His eyes softened, catching the flicker of vulnerability I hadn’t meant to show.
He leaned in and lowered his voice when he asked, “how long has it been?”
His thumb continued to gently bug my bottom lip, his touch both comforting and electrifying. I wanted more and knew I shouldn’t all at the same time.
“Since what?” I asked, inhaling a slow, steady breath.
“Since someone touched you like this?” he asked. “Gently.Intentionally.”
So much for that steady breath, it caught in my throat, sticky and hot as his hand moved to my waist. He left space for me to pull away if that’s what I wanted but his fingers grazed the top of my pants and seared a wanting impression on my skin.
“You can blame your honesty on the whiskey,” he urged when I didn’t answer right away.
How long had it been exactly, there had only been August’s father, before and after but…
“Since before Auggie was born,” I whispered, the idea of having not been touched in nearly twelve years sinking in and spreading across my chest like a rash. Between taking care of my son and my own crumbling mental health, I hadn’t slowed down enough to have a moment like the one Silas and I were sharing.
His eyes widened slightly, taken aback by the admission. I can see him doing the math in his head, quickly coming to the same conclusion I had. It had been over a decade since I’d been intimate with anyone. Silas’s hand tightened on my hip, wrapping his other hand around my waist. There was no escaping anymore.
“No one? Not even a kiss?” He asked.
“Maybe a few misplaced ones from my ex-husband,” I huffed, “but nothing of substance or importance,” I said, the last word lingering on my lips as I worked to hide my shame over the matter. A grown woman who hadn’t been kissed in that decade, with three drinks in her and ready to make another string of mistakes.
Silas’s expression became unusually tender, almost protective in nature as his lips pressed into a line and his fingers traced my jawline. “Here I am an idiot who never thinks twice about physical touch.” He chuckled. “If the whiskey is being honest… I get whiny after a week, but you…” He paused, his words coming softer, slower. “You’re starved for it.”
“You’re making me sound pathetic,” I said quietly, wrapping my hand around his wrist to stop his trailing touch. It was too warm and made me feel too many emotions that I couldn’t control.
Silas shook his head, his eyes never leaving mine. “Not pathetic.Neglected.There’s a difference.” He paused, his thumb tracing small circles on my jaw. “While we're blurring lines, I’m going to say this and whether or not you remember it or choose to acknowledge it is fine, you won’t hurt my feelings. I know what this is between us, but Drew,” he sighed. “You deserve to be touched, to be wanted. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
I was still stuck onneglected. The word echoed around in my head, dancing with the hazy lines of amber and warm glimmering lust that clouded my judgement.By my ex, by myself.He had unintentionally hit the nail on the head and I didn’t know how to respond.
“Now I know for sure the whiskey is talking,” I said instead, shoving away the absolute despair over unresolved trauma.
Silas leaned in closer, his forehead almost touching mine. His breath was warm against my already hot face as he spoke softly, “maybe the whiskey is wise then. Because sometimes it takes being a little tipsy to speak the truth we soberly ignore. And in the spirit of drunk words and sober thoughts, I’ve been ignoring a certain string of ideas since the day I met you.”
“A doctor and a philosopher,” I whispered, the teasing tone dying from my voice the closer he got.
“Just a man,” Silas lowered his voice to a husky purr, pulling his hand back to tangle with mine as his eyes locked on me. “One who wants to touch you, Drew, even though I know I shouldn’t. Not like this, not when you're drunk and vulnerable.”
“I’m hardly drunk,” I said, even though I could feel the heat from the whiskey coursing through my veins,just enough to do something stupid.
His eyes flickered to my lips, his self-control visibly wavering. “Tipsy enough to do something you might regret tomorrow?” He challenged softly like he could read my mind, his thumb returning to my lip. “Or tipsy enough to finally give in to something you’ve been denying yourself for too long.”
“Let’s pretend it's the first and you stop asking dumb questions?” I whispered under my breath.
My heart was racing but I didn’t give a second thought to what it might mean come morning. Heat pooled between my thighs and my mind was consumed by the idea of his perfect, charming mouth touching me there.
