Page 122 of True Honey
I love you.
I love you.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I choked out.
“This is hurting me.” He was quick and honest.
“When the time comes and I inevitably fuck this up?” I asked, inhaling a rough breath. “Will you let me go then?”
“No more running. Let me take care of you when you can’t take care of yourself.” He declared like it was law. “I know you feel it. Say it, Drew.”
SHORE
“Ilove you.”
The world came to a dead stop. She had said it, and despite how long it had taken to convince her that she could. She had meant it. I could see it, her evergreen eyes were drowning in it.
“I can’t believe you were going to run,” I said, watching her carefully. I couldn't stand the chance of her disappearing in a blink. I watched her take a long deep breath in, tempted to remind her that we weren’t lying to one another anymore but didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sitting back on the carpet, I followed her down sliding off my knees. Wrapping my legs around her and pulling her closer. I wasn’t quite ready for the distance she was trying to create and selfishly I didn’t give a damn that she needed. “Explain it to me.”
She chewed her lip and I wanted to make her stop.
“Please,” I asked.
“It creeps up on me,” she inhaled again, trying to keep her breathing steady. “Like fog,” she paused. “Eventually it consumes everything in these sticky, horrible thoughts.”
I couldn’t help myself, reaching out I pushed my hand through her hair and pressed it flat against the back of her neck. I could feel her heart racing beneath my palm and it took every ounce of self-control I had not to just wrap her up in my arms.
“It feels like quicksand,” she said, “it starts in my chest and spreads until all I can do is lay in bed. It’s pathetic and I didn’t want you to see it.”
Her lashes fluttered, heavy with droplets of water from her trying to hold back her tears. I stared at her for a long time, wanting to choose my words wisely.
“It’s not,” I whispered.
“It is.” Of course she argued, I couldn’t help the tiny frustrated growl that vibrated at the bottom of my throat. “It’s not showering, not eating… I don’t care about work…”
The next sentence died on her lips.
“Drew, it’s survival.” I said to her and she frowned, her eyebrows scrunching together tightly as she looked up at me.
“August would disagree. It’s cruel, watching his mother spiral out of control. I’m not unaware of what it does to him and I’ve tried to get him to live with his fat—”
“No,” I cut her off. It just slipped from me. The heat exploded in my veins at the thought of August not being around. I should have been concerned about the protective rage that bubbled beneath the surface but I kind of liked the feeling of it. “August sees it, that’s not wrong. He’s smarter than anyone gives him credit for but… he loves you.”
“It’s not fair to him,” she said.
“What’s not fair ismovinghim.” I corrected her."You just need help."
“I burn bridges, Silas. It’s what I do. I have no other option,” She said, stuck in a cycle of self destruction.
“Well now you do.” I stared at her, drilling it home. “And all of this, it’s not your fault. Do you understand me?”
She didn’t. I could see it. Her jaw tightened and her eyes unlocked from mine to look at the floor.
“I’m just as much to blame.” I said, adjusting my hand to her jaw to tilt her chin upward. “I said I love you, and I meant it. I did. But I shouldn’t have dropped it on you like that, in a moment when you felt cornered. That was unfair and I’m sorry I scared you but I’m not sorry I said it.”
Drew stared at me, tears filling her eyes.
