Page 67 of Honeysuckle
It was too hot in the Nest to be sleeping like that. I was sweating in my pajama pants and I could see the beads of sweat that stuck to his neck as he pushed up on his elbow to look over at me. The moonlight was fading as the sun started to rise and it was casting the prettiest shade of purple into the room that made Josh glow.
“Alright, up,” he grumbled and flipped his blankets back.
“What?”
“Get. Up.”
I stared at him for a few minutes longer as he shuffled across the room and pressed his feet into his sneakers left by the door.
“If you’re going to keep us awake, we might as well go for a run,” he explained. "The fresh air and forced exercise will guilt you into telling me why you’re not sleeping, or eating.” His eyes rolled over my chest as I rose from bed, he looked around, and when he found what he was looking for, a sweater was hurled at my head.
“Put some clothes on,” he sighed.
I laughed under my breath and pulled on the sweater, grabbing a clean pair of sweats. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame with his eyes closed. No doubt still fighting away the sleep as I tied my shoes in double knots.
Stretching out as I stood I took in Josh one last time in the cover of darkness, admiring the way his sleepy curls stuck to the sweaty nape of his neck and how grumpy he looked with his hands shoved into his sweater pocket.
He led the way from the Nest without a word, the cold spring air hit my face instantly startling me from my sluggish state. For a while the only sound between us was the pounding of our shoes on the pavement and the occasional songbird. It was too early for much else. As we rounded the base of the hill the sun had started to peek over the roof of the stadium and melt the thin layer of frost that covered the steel structure.
Josh pushed the pace, barely even fazed by the frigid air in his lungs as he swiped his card on the players entry and opened the door for me. We slowed down into the tunnels and when we came to the entrance of the field he stopped, staring out at the grass and inhaled.
“The only place I feel normal is on a baseball diamond,” he confessed quietly.
There was a lot that came out of Josh’s mouth that I didn’t understand, even less that I could relate to. But the feeling of complete contentment that settled over me during a game was different. It was the only place I could control my actions and the outcomes of what was next.
There was no anxiety, no stress. It was just me and the ball.
And thousands of screaming fans.
The diamond was a safe place. A place where I could feel like a god despite everything going on outside in the world. But today it felt like a coffin.
The clock on the scoreboard blinked five am, people would be watching the news.
Watching the highlights.
Soon my face would be plastered across every TV in Harbor.
The panic that rose was violent and red across my vision. It felt like the sirens were blaring, and I couldn’t focus on what was in front of me with all the noise.
“Come feel normal, Tuck.” His voice was softer than I’d ever heard it, but still demanding and it made my skin itch to deny him. “Just for a little longer.”
Josh had stepped out from under the tunnel onto the grass and was looking over his shoulder at me, frozen in place with my chest heavy. It was like he knew what had choked me up, and gone was the mean demeanor he usually carried, replaced with that guy huddled in the closet staring up at me with fear and disgust for himself in his eyes.
We were so different—and somehow, so alike.
“My family didn’t know,” I said, my throat felt so dry. “My mom had ideas, there were a few incidents last year, but for the most part she thought it was just my rebellious stage…”
“You, rebellious?” He scoffed.
When I didn’t find amusement in his joke, he watched me with curious intent and turned around to face me completely, his back to the field and our hearts perfectly parallel.
“They didn’t know what?” He asked.
“Don’t be an asshole,” I sighed.
Josh stared at me.
“Say it, Dean. They didn’t know what?” he pressed. “That you were sucking Cael’s dick in the locker room?”
