Page 35 of Honeysuckle
“Whatever fucking mind games—” I grunted. I used all my force to pull myself up and clumsily found the base rope with my sneakers. Dean rose with me, never taking his eyes off me as I found my balance and started moving again “—you think you're playing, they won’t work.”
“No games,” he said with a shrug. “It’s not my reputation on the line, Josh. I’m the golden boy–everyone loves me. You’re the one who needs to impress, and you weren’t going to do it hanging from a rope while Todd teased you like a sixth grade bully.”
Dean reached out and grabbed the collar of my sweater, tugging me roughly onto the platform. “Congratulations, tough guy, you didn’t die and you finished in fourteen minutes and thirty nine seconds.”
“I didn’t need your help,” I snapped at him, unclipping myself so the last instructor could fasten me to the zipline.
“If you think insulting you is help, Logan, we have work to do.”
LOGAN
“Didyouaskaboutthe day pass?” I loomed over Cael, muscles aching and head pounding. I hadn’t slept in two days and we still had five left at camp.
“What?” Cael’s eyes blinked open slowly and I reached out to shake the bunk hard enough for him to sit straight up. “What the hell?” He hissed, scowling at his watch. “It’s five am, Logan!”
“Consider it payback,” I grumbled. “Ineedto go into the city,” I tried again.
Cael opened his mouth to argue but saw the look on my face and nodded. “I’m going to have to run it by Silas, no one leaves camp without his permission. He’s the law out here.”
“I thought this was martial law—every man for himself?” I snapped.
“That’s what he wants us to think, but if we leave without telling him he’ll have a conniption so, breakfast first, then let me talk to Silas.” Cael laid back against the pillow with a groan.
“Talk to him at breakfast.” I must have sounded pathetic because those blue eyes were wide awake with my easy acceptance of his plan.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, rolling onto his side and whispering so he didn’t wake the other two. Dean looked stupidly peaceful, his arms tucked under his head, his chest rising and falling gently against his messy sheets.
I hated how badly I wanted to touch him.
“Nothing, I just need a meeting, Cody,” I growled and retreated. “I’m going for a run. Get up and talk to Silas.”
“Fine. There’s one on the east side that starts at noon, but you’re buying lunch after because this is bullshit.” He rolled back over onto his pillow.
I took that as surrender and left the cabin for my run without another word. The sirens for the morning lake dips echoed faintly through the air the further I got from camp, and I only slowed to a walk when my lungs screamed at me to stop.
I slipped down the embankment, something I had become familiar with over the last week, and stripped from my clothes. I left them in a pile by the shore and slowly waded into the frigid water, letting my skin adjust to the temperature and shocking my sore muscles as I dipped beneath the surface.
I sank to the bottom of the lake and held my breath at the bottom for as long as I could. My lungs burned and my head grew empty of all the nightmares that followed me around like shadows. I pushed it a second longer before surfacing.
The moment I broke the water into the mild spring air I knew someone was watching me. There was an eerie feeling to it, and as a child I had never known the silent feeling of being left alone. Someone always wanted something from me; mom always needed more drugs which meant she always needed me to be someone for someone. No matter how wrong it sounded, I was only ever trying to make her love me, so I let them take what they needed so that she could survive another day.
‘That’s my baby, you’re so brave.’
Her voice echoed in my mind and the feeling of her kiss on my head seared hot in the same place it always did.
“Following a guy through the forest is a new low, even for you,” I said before turning around.
“Yeah, well, you were the one who chose Cael to be your secret best friend. You’ll learn quickly that even when he’s trying to be quiet, he’s the loudest idiot in the room.” Dean’s voice was tight and agitated.
“I thought you were asleep,” I said. I could have sworn he was.
“I thought you couldn’t swim,” he countered.
“I never said I couldn’t swim, you just keep assuming that.” I didn’t want to turn around because I could feel his eyes on my back, on my scars, and I couldn’t find the courage in me to explain them. They were my best-kept secret and the worst of my memories. Each one still radiated pain long past, caused by men long gone. Scars to remind me how much of a coward I was back then. How little my life really meant to her, compared to her next score.
“You could have told me you were doing the dips out here. I would have gone easier on you,” he said, and something about the condescension in his tone had me whirling around in the lake.
“Listen to me, Tucker, because I’m only going to say this once. I don’t need your fucking pity. I don’t want it. It’s flimsy and fake. If you think you’re finding common ground with me, you’re not. You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth—pampered and perched on a pedestal made of gold,just for you.” I pushed through the water to the shore and grabbed my shirt, tugging it over my wet body and pulling on my sweats.
