Page 2 of Honeysuckle
“What?” He turned to me like the enemy hadn’t just invaded our team with a smile. I was missing something and wasn’t a fan of being left out. I stared him down for a minute, knowing eventually he’d crack under the pressure. “Players transfer, Dean.” He looked at me with those endless blue eyes and his brows twitched.
“There’s something else going on. There’s no way he’d transferhere,” I said, recognizing the tell of Cael Cody hiding information from me.
“Well, he did,” he said like it was a matter of fact. “And you’re the captain, so you get to deal with the shit storm he brings.”
“That’s the other problem. Why the hell didn’t Coach warn me?” I slumped back in my seat as more guys flooded onto the bus. Josh followed Arlo; both tense as they sunk into the only empty seats at the front. Silas made space for Josh as Arlo found his place beside Ella without a word.
I hated this.
“He didn’t warn anyone. He handed me the clipboard this morning and told me to bring it to Silas five minutes before Josh arrived,” Cael explained, his eyes forward. “I know it feels like the end of the world, but you can handle it, and we need a pitcher.”
“Not that one,” I grumbled. “If he calls me Tuck one more time…”
“You're taking this whole captain thing too seriously. You’re turning into Arlo,” Cael teased.
“Shut up,” I groaned, closing my eyes as the bus started. “How do I captain a player I fucking hate?”
“Arlo’s been doing it for three years,” Cael laughed.
“Who the hell does he hate?” I asked.
“All of us,” he snorted, and that was all it took to break the tension. “The only person on this bus heenjoysbeing around is Ella, and unless you wanna role play, I don’t think you’re getting in his good books any time soon,” Cael teased. “You’re also the size of a bear, and I don’t think Arlo is into…” His eyes drifted down to my sweatpants. “...Prize-winning roosters.”
I huffed, but a soft laugh came out as the bus lurched forward.
“At least the guys know you didn’t sleep your way to the captain position?” Cael laughed.
“That was in question?” I looked at him, scandalized. He laughed harder.
“It’s a damn good thing you’re handsome,” Cael shook his head. “I’m going to nap now. Can we schedule the next mental breakdown for when I wake up?”
Yeah…yeah, sorry,” I said as he got comfortable. “Don’t worry about me. I'll just be here having an existential crisis.”
“I don’t think that’s the term you’re looking for,” Cael mumbled, nearly asleep.
As soon as Cael fell asleep the worry seeped back in, and most of the bus ride was spent with me going through a binder Arlo had given me.
“I kept this the entire time I was captain. It’s all the guys' information, numbers, weaknesses, and strengths. Use it. Memorize it. Add to it.” He stared at me with his hand on the top of it. “You’re more than capable of carrying this team, Tucker.”
He’d meant to be encouraging, but every bit of that encouragement added weight to my already crumbling shoulders. There was so much expected of me now that I had the title of captain. The binder wasextensive,though. It had clippings from articles tucked into each of the players' sections and notes from games over the last three years. Arlo had watched us all and made some sort of endearing yet…sick scrapbook of all our accomplishments.
I hadn’t dared flip to my tab—Franklin. Whatever was inside would either pile on pressure or break what little confidence I had left.
Arlo’s opinion of me, his real one, unseen and unspoken… I couldn’t deal with that. Not right now. There was too much on my mind.
How to be a great captain was at the forefront, quickly followed by the overwhelming smell of Cael’s cologne and the scratchy fabric of the bus seats. The air felt like I was being suffocated, churning the contents of my stomach until they inched up my throat.
“I’m gonna be sick.” I climbed over Cael and hurried to the bathroom as the bus made another jerky turn. I lost my step and slammed into the tiny bathroom. My shoulders were too big for the space, and the rocking motions of the bus made it feel so much smaller.
“I can’t do this.” I stared into the warped plastic mirror at my twisted reflection, that did nothing but amplify my anxiety. “Why the fuck did they think I could do this?” I swore and leaned on the counter with all my weight.
“I’m not a captain. I’m barely a human being.” My shirt suddenly felt less like an extra large and more like a small. It constricted my throat and stuck to every muscle, drenched in sweat that I swore wasn’t there a moment ago. “The only guy you’ve ever loved can’t love you back, you can’t tell your parents that you’re gay, and now you have to pull the team together for the hardest season they’ll face in the past six years.”
I swallowed the vomit that rose.
“Why my season? Why Logan?” I bit down hard on my bottom lip and breathed through my nose to settle my stomach.
A knock came from the door and I popped it open to find Silas staring at me.
