Page 144 of Honeysuckle
It left a pit in my stomach.
“She wasn’t important to anyone, Silas.”
“She was important to you,” Silas said, meeting my gaze. “So if you want, she has a space here where you can come see her.”
“You want me to drop my mom in the lake?” I asked, masking my gratitude with confusion.
“Ew, no,” Silas laughed. In a passing flicker, I saw myself in the way his jaw tightened and his brows furrowed. “I’ll get a shovel and we can bury her with the lavender bushes.”
“Okay, well, you made it seem like that was the plan,” I scoffed, setting the box down. I stared at it for a long moment. “Thank you,” I said.
“It was no trouble.” Silas leaned back on his hands, the fabric of his sweater stretching over his arms and chest.
“I meant…” I ran a hand through my hair. “For everything,” I corrected.
For standing up for me, for going to bat for me. For showing up just when I thought everything was slipping through my fingers.Thank you, I thought a little more intensely,for fighting for me even when I didn’t deserve your kindness. Even when I couldn’t return it.
I watched the realization dawn on him as he pressed his lips together and nodded, his eyes on the lake. “I know that we haven’t exactly been on the same page about everything,” he said, turning back to me.
“Understatement,” I grumbled.
“You’re harder to talk to than Arlo, for fuck’s sake,” Silas said, sitting up. “Listen, we’re not always going to get along, more often than not we’re going to butt heads. But the day I found out about you was the day you never had to do anything on your own again.” The conviction in his voice was loud, sturdy and unwavering in its truth. “I’m not trying to make up for the years I missed, I’d never be able to. I’m trying to be around for your future if you’re okay with that.”
“Are you asking if I’m okay with you being my brother?” I asked, my brows drawing together.
“The word brother spooks you,” Silas said with a small smirk. "But I guess in not so many words, yeah, I’m asking if you’re alright with having an older brother.”
“You’re not that much older than me.” I shook my head. I stared at him for a second, breathing in the fresh air of the lake. Logically I knew no matter what I said to him here he’d keep banging his head against the wall until I gave into his whole guardian bullshit. “What about…”
Dad.
I couldn’t call him that without the threat of vomit.
“He’ll be in county until they collect all the evidence and take it to trial, you don’t have to worry about him,” Silas seemed sure.
“And the rest of the Shores?” I asked nervously.
“Mom keeps sending me paint swatches for the spare room, demanding input on your favorite color,” he said.
“I’m not leaving the Nest,” I said instantly, the thought of sleeping away from Dean causing a deep-rooted panic I wasn’t expecting.
“Hey,” Silas raised a hand, “no one's asking you to, I still live at the Nest too. She just wants to give you a space of your own at the house.”
“Why would she do that? I’m not even her son,” I said, with a suspicious tone to my voice.
“Because you’remybrother and we’re all victims of Dad’s bullshit,” he said plainly. He chuckled, his head falling back between his shoulders as his eyes closed. “Grandpa is hesitant, he’s still not sure about everything, but he’s the oldest living wretch in Harbor, and his paranoia is fueled by dementia.”
“He sounds fun,” I said to lighten the mood.
“You and him would get along, he’s a nasty prick,” Silas laughed, a smile forming on his face.
“I like him already,” I said.
We sat quietly for a bit, mostly because I wasn’t sure how to answer his question and I didn’t want to accidentally give him the wrong one. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him as a brother in some capacity, I just didn’t know how to accept the offer and be a brother in return.
I opened my mouth and shut it again, my jaw tense with concern for screwing everything up, when Silas spoke again.
“You don’t have to answer me, Josh,” he said. "I’m not the kind of person who needs definite answers. I have been best friends with Arlo since we could bully each other. He’s never been a chatty guy, but I always know when he needs me and when to give him space. I’m seasoned in the emotionally unavailable teammate.”
