Page 124 of Honeysuckle
I had been so distracted with everything surrounding Josh and the Shores that I had been slacking off in practice and missing appointments to follow him around like a puppy. I knew that I was being ridiculous, and I was aware that Josh also thought that, but I couldn’t help myself.
Every game that week had been hell; we were all walking around on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing had been released on the Shore’s, but it was only a matter of time.
“You’re pushing too hard, Dean,” Ella said quietly, her eyes tracing the round of my shoulder as she worked. “Your body is struggling because you are, it can’t keep up with this grueling pace.”
“El,” I grimaced when her fingers found the knot in my muscle, and she grinned like a happy cat.
“Unless you want to add two appointments with me a week to your schedule, you’ll slow down and take care of yourself,” she warned me, and I groaned under the pressure of her hands, but the knot came loose, and instant relief flooded my shoulder.
“Alright,” I conceded to her when she didn’t let go of my sleeve. “I promise.”
The conversation was short as we were funneled back out on the field for the last inning. Everything else was a blur as the game was called, with three losses we were officially on a streak and Coach was pissed.
“I am well aware that the noise buzzing in your ears is loud, its obnoxious and makes it hard to focus but you haveonejob when you step onto that field and it isn’t to worry about the press or your families,” he stood with his hat hanging at his side as he yelled at us. “They will scratch and dig until they take every ounce of your courage and your pride, do not let them take the game from you,” he looked around the locker room.
“Yes, Coach,” we said after a moment of silence, letting his words evaporate into our exhausted minds and hearts.
“Get cleaned up, get some rest,” he ordered, and everyone started moving again.
Everything else around me became a haze of bodies and noise. I focused on getting out of my dirty gear, not bothering to shower because my body had the potential to fall asleep standing up. I climbed into the jeep on auto pilot not even remembering the drive back to the Nest but Josh walked step for step with me in silence as we went through the motions.
We showered and sat in bed, flipping through pages and binders of homework that I didn’t want to do. I had dropped the class my father taught in favor of another with a professor who didn’t care how far behind I was. Being stuck with six papers hadn’t been in the plans, but I didn’t have an option. It was that or be ostracized publicly by my father in front of a room of students that would very easily turn on me with a few well-placed dirty looks and off-handed comments that could snowball into rumors. It was simultaneously a good thing and a bad thing, but I had to suffer through my decision if I wanted to stay on track.
I chewed on the end of my pen, staring at him while he worked on his paper quietly. The way his hair curled around his ears and tickled the back of his neck was distracting and made the tips of my fingers itch for contact.
“Your eyes should be on your paper, Tuck,” Josh grumbled without looking up from his own.
“Yeah, well, they’re not,” I argued gently. “How much work do you have to do?” I asked him, mindlessly flipping through my binder.
“Too much, but not as much as you,” he snapped, finally looking up at me. “You need to focus,” he said, tapping my papers with his finger.
“I don’t want to focus. I want to win games and I want to spend the rest of my free time kissing you.” I let my head fall back and groaned but Josh wasn’t having my shit.
“Too bad you aren’t winning games, you dropped two balls today, recorded four outs in the first half of the game and almost put your shoulder out,” he replied without pulling his punches. “Do you want to go over the last five games? We can,” he stared at me.
“We only lost three,” I reminded him.
“We didn’t win the first two with your help,Captain.” He dropped his pen. “You think they don’t notice when you start to buckle under the pressure? They do, you’re failing them,” he said, his voice was lower and mean, more mean than usual.
Guilt scattered through my nervous system, and I pushed my books aside. "I’m sorry.”
His whole body tensed at the apology, like he had never heard the words before. I laid my hands on the bed, palms up and waited for him to process it. He stared down at my hands, his heavy brows coming together in confusion before he looked up at me again. There was a storm behind his brown eyes, one I couldn’t calm but one I could help him brace for.
“Are you okay?” I asked him, shoving down my own anxiety to check in on him. His life was falling apart too. I was just quicker to admit it and even quicker to crumble beneath the pressure. The problem was Josh was made of diamonds, not a scratch on his confidence that anyone could see in passing.
Only when I slowed down could I see his crumbling walls.
“I’m fine,” he deflected.
“No, you’re not,” I argued. "You’re mean, tough guy, more often than not, but you’re onlycruelwhen you’re lashing out.”
He huffed, a tiny, defeated laugh that bubbled painfully from his chest.
“It feels like I’m walking on glass,” he said after a moment of silence, he pushed from the bed and I sat back watching as he walked to the other side of the room. He was stretched tight like an elastic band, every movement looked painful. “Part of me wishes that they would just let the news break so that I can stop holding my breath. Every class, every game, I’m just constantly waiting for my phone to blow up.”
“Give me it,” I put my hand out and he narrowed his eyes on the motion but it interrupted his pacing long enough for him to give me the phone.
I looked down at it, the screen flashing on to show a picture of the lake at spring camp. I smiled down at it. “Do you wanna go for a drive?” I asked him before I turned the phone off and slipped it into my pocket.
